Thursday, June 21, 2018

Today In Both Sides Do It: Advice From The New York Times On The Proper Use Of "Fuck"

The tone police
They live on cable teevee
The tone police
They're paid to shush and decree
The tone police
They're coming to denounce me
Oh no...
As a card-carrying vituperative, foul-mouthed blogger of the Left, I spend most of my evenings pretty much like every other vituperative, foul-mouthed blogger of the Left in America:  leading my local chapter of the notorious Libtard "lang-gang", MLA-13, on a city-wide reign of linguistic terror. 

Our signature move?  Spray painting churches with improperly positioned Oxford commas.  Ha!  Take that, Corrupt Duopoly! 

Yes, for years I put the "punk" in "improper punctuation" but it turns out that, as good as it felt to stick it to The Man, I was wrong to do so.  So very wrong! 

What turned me right around was the very wise column by my betters at the New York Times yesterday.  Mr. Peter Baker and Ms. Katie Roger note very wisely that, when fighting a Russia-backed white-supremacist/theocratic minority who have taken over your country, are aggressively destroying every democratic institution right before our eyes, deliberately trashing our key alliances, and ripping babies from their mothers and putting them in cages, nothing is more important than good manners.  
In Trump’s America, the Conversation Turns Ugly and Angry, Starting at the Top

Mr. Trump’s coarse discourse increasingly seems to inspire opponents to respond with vituperative words of their own. Whether it be Robert De Niro’s four-letter condemnation at the Tony Awards or a congressional intern who shouted the same word at Mr. Trump when he visited the Capitol this week, the president has generated so much anger among his foes that some are crossing boundaries that he himself shattered long ago.

The politics of rage that animated Mr. Trump’s political rise now dominate the national conversation, as demonstrated repeatedly during the debate over his “zero tolerance” immigration policy that separated children from parents apprehended at the border.

“Unfortunately, we’ve seen a decline in civility and an uptick in incivility,” said Christine Porath, a Georgetown University professor and author of “Mastering Civility,” a book on behavior in the workplace. “It seems like people are not only reciprocating, but we tend to stoop lower rather than higher. It’s really putting us in an unfortunate place.”

Yes, by the simple act of pretending that the entire Bush Administration never happened, the entire Obama Administration never happened --

 -- and, indeed, the entire history of the modern Republican party never happened --

-- Mr. Baker and Ms. Katie Rogers are able to dial in on the real problem facing our democracy.

Bad manners!  On Both Sides!

So take heed, Libtards:  in the fight against the Republican forces of darkness and barbarism that are squeezing the life out of our country, how can you expect to be taken seriously if you use language that  would offend the extremely delicate sensibility of Peter Baker and Katie Rogers?  I mean, can one even imagine what an irreparable blow to the cause of emancipation it would have been to if, for example, at the height of the Civil War, instead of dainty, polite locutions, Abolitionists had used harsh language to denounce the pro-slavery goons across the aisle?

And so, in aid of this vital directive from our betters at The New York Times here is a short but helpful guide to the proper use of the word "fuck" in a formal dining situation:
Dinner fuck: The largest of the fucks, also called the place fuck, is placed on the left of the largest Republican atrocities. Other smaller fucks for other crimes against democracy are arranged to the left or right of the dinner fuck, according to when they will be used.

Fish fuck: If there is a fish course, this small fuck is placed to the left of the dinner fuck because it is the first fuck used

Salad fuck: If the salad is served after the entrée, the small salad fuck is placed to the right of the dinner fuck, next to the the largest Republican atrocities. If the salad is to be served first, and fish second, then the fucks would be arranged (left to right): salad fuck, fish fuck, dinner fuck.

Important additional etiquette tip!  No more than three of any fucks should are ever be used during a formal occasion, except when a "Fuck you, you baby stealing motherfuckers!!!" is used in addition to three other fucks.

Yours in Christ,


Behold, a Tip Jar!


Mr XD said...

As my late,great Okie pal useta say-"Well, Fuck Odear".

trgahan said...

I wish someone with NYT-level column space would call out this coach fainting over our nation's "lost civility" and the constant calls of "Disarm Democrats or You'll Alienate Conservative Voters!" for the blatant political maneuvering that it is.

Though I am still undecided whether this shit is about directly helping Republicans when indefensible fuck ups happens/they take the masks off OR it is all to make sure, whatever the outcome of the latest Republican sedition, the Beltway/Manhattan aspiring aristocrat power structure is maintained.

I have been getting the impression that nothing is scaring the NYT/Beltway more than flyover country liberal/Democratic grassroots organizing that would be independent of their influence.

Robt said...

At the end of this video of Wokf.

She ends with asking to sign on to more videos. Then, says, "if you are a robot, a bad robot responsible for bad things. Get out of here.

I ask you, Was she directly speaking to Hugh Hewitt?

RUKidding said...

It was interesting, I guess, to witness the tut-tutting and tsk-tsking that erupted when DiNiro said "Fuck Trump" at the Tony Awards. I have some minor reservations about Hollywood elite expressing their political views of whatever stripe at their self-congratulatory awards gigs, but OTOH, DiNiro is a citizen who votes and has every right to express his views on whatever topic. So go get 'em, Tiger.

What made me laugh (while trying not to bang my head) were the so-called "erudite" ever-so-veddy-proper types on this one blog I visit, who commenced to dissing DiNiro resoundingly including much commentary on how DiNiro "sold out" ages ago (according to them) and is no longer an "artist" but a hack who's just in it to make a buck. Like: WTF? And who cares how DiNiro chooses his work? If he's in shitty movies (according to you)? So? Who am I to question that?? And who cares? Whatever. You hate DiNiro's movies? Don't go to them.

Of course, these strident, self-righteous, Hillary-hating mongrels say nary a peep about the gross language and other offenses issuing from the Orange Shithole 24/7/365. Nay, verily, they seek to find ways to praise him. Just today one of thse horse's behinds was postulating that Trump was a "lot smarter than any recent president." Oh really? Whose ass do you have your head stuck up? Yours or Trump's?

And these same self-righteous, but oh so intellectually astute Republicans, never EVER deign to comment about the rabble that routinely surrounds Trump wearing their Nazi armbands and similar, while shrieking out the most heinous and vitriolic shit at anyone who doesn't think/act/look/worship Exactly. Like. Them. No those Losers got a big old Pass.

It's all and only: let's clutch our pearls on the fainting couch because DiNiro said Fuck Trump. Combined with much mouthing of the usual shit rot about how conducting himself in such a manner, DiNiro has "set himself up" to be ridiculed by Trump. Heaven forfend!! The Horror!! Not THAT!!!

And then the final brickbat, of course, is that by saying "Fuck Trump," DiNiro has ONLY managed to upset Trump supporters who now forevermore will NEVER ever consider changing their minds... AS IF they would've changed their minds to become Libtards if DiNiro came out and shoved his tongue up Trump's sweaty smelly ass.


Yeah, these people. It's all about how Libruls is bringing us down again. And nothing - absolutely nothing - that Trump or his fanatical fans or, for that matter, All Republicans for at least the past 3 decades have said or done "matters" or "counts" or is in the least bit mean, disgusting, degrading, cruel, racist, bigoted, shitty, homophobic, sexist, etc.

Fuck Baker & Rogets. Fuck 'em!

Meremark said...

I'll say what he(?)'s saying.
(Know of my mind whether cornfield ears hear ambiguous appeals, or not, is an unknown.)

And it goes like this: What's A Fuck, YG, Randy Rainbow NSFReaction aeries.

dinthebeast said...

-Doug in Oakland

Robt said...

Conservatives with a conscience is dead..........

Long live the Conservatives without a conscience..........!

By the way, Trump's base in my opinion is not the people at his rallies wearing the Grab me here T shirts.
His base is Wilbur Ross, Kochs, Mercer Family, Et Al.

These folks can buy a crowd, Can spend enough money to train the flying monkeys. And they do and have.

Trump rally cap wearer is just a front put on by the wealthy. Remember. Donald did pay actors to show up at his escalator announcing.

mcfrank said...

Fuck the New York Times!

bluicebank said...

In dissent, I see this latest assault on the most versatile word in the English language as hiding behind the fig-leaf of both-siderism, which normally hides behind other fig leafs. Not so, here.

"Fuck" -- the noun, pronoun, adjective, verb, adverb, conjunction, preposition, article, interjection -- has long been the generous gift to slave and free, commoner and elite, idiots and intellectuals, talentless and talented. Oddly, the writer of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 on the word "love" could have substituted "fuck" and not been wrong:

"Fuck is patient, fuck is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Fuck does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Fuck never fails."

Jason said...

Driftglass, the Trump era's Emily Post. Well fucked sir.

Meremark said...

My bad link. Here is take 2:

What's A Fuck, Randy Rainbow NSFR

Alfred Lehmberg said...

Yeah... Way well and truly writ, factual facts factually fact-checked for fucking facts and fact-driven. It's why I send _my_ money! You know... if we all got together, we could _be_ George Soros and make DG&BG our _own_ David Brooks! [g].

ziply said...

Just brilliant, dahling!

dinthebeast said...

Thank you Meremark, that just made my morning on a day when I could really use cheering up a little.

-Doug in Oakland

Batocchio said...

This is a fine dish.

(I'm a fan of the dessert fuck, myself.)