Blogiversary Fundraiser Day Three: Mo' Labels

In case you never got around to reading it, this is the manifesto of one of the Beltway's most beloved and lucrative scams:

The New Center Strikes Back

No Labels is the voice for the New Center, for the tens of millions of Americans who believe it’s time to push back against the extremists on both sides who are making it virtually impossible to govern our country.

We are a movement of Problem Solvers who believe being principled and pragmatic are not mutually exclusive ideas; who may tilt right or left but who won’t be held hostage to ideology or party dictates...

The problem with the Fake Center is that they have  it all exactly backwards: It's not that we label people too much in politics, it's that we don't label them nearly enough,

Thanks to cover fire from the Fake Center con men like Ron Fournier and Matthew Dowd, the Right has been allowed to slap on and wash off political labels easier than a Chuck-e-Cheese return entry hand stamp. 

For example. remember back when they were "Ride or Die" Bush regime dead-enders?  Because I sure do:

Then almost literally overnight, they vanished mysteriously and were replaced with millions of newly-minted "independents" who had never even heard of George W. Bush.

Then they were Tea Partiers who cared so deeply about the American budget deficit that they completely ignored it for the previous eight straight years, and then swarmed America's public parks ten minutes after Barack Obama was inaugurated, brandishing AK-47s and signs depicting President Obama as a Communist Kenyan witch-doctor.

And now?

Now they have once again swapped their political labels to accommodate the fairy tales that Fox News and Rush Limbaugh have fabricated for Age of Trump.  Now they are simple sons of the soil who want you to believe that they have never really held a political opinion, despite the fact that Fox News and Rush Limbaugh have been running in the background of their lives for the last 20 years. Rustbelt working class yeomen whose only crime is loving Murrica too much and being angry that Mexicans snuck in and stole all their coal jobs 40 years ago.  Or something,

Our big mistake as a country is not that we haven't tried to build a future that we could all live in, together, regardless of how much of a dumbfuck you are.  Our mistake was not tattooing "I voted for Bush twice because I'm a moron.  Then I went berserk with hatred for Obama for eight years because I'm a racist.  And I then voted for Trump because I'm a racist and a moron." on their foreheads and making them wear it for the rest of their days.

Since the political problems in our country are, at the moment, emphatically not being caused by "the extremists on both sides" but by the stark, raving remnants of the Party of Lincoln, any individual, organization or movement expressly dedicated to lying about this fundamental truth aloud is inherently corrupt, dishonest and despicable.

And profitable.  Very, very profitable.

Behold, a Tip Jar!