Sunday Morning Comin' Down

And the Final Jeopardy answer is:"Noted Masculinity Expert Tucker Carlson."

What is: "A sentence no human in the history of the world has ever uttered -- even accidentally -- until now"?

Soft, pink, trustifarian warpimp Tucker Carlson decided that what American boys need to make 'em into real men is more god damn tobacco damn it! (h/t Crooks and Liars):

...

"Without the iconic anchor tattoo and the smoking pipe!" Fox News host Clayton Morris announced on Sunday. "Are they wussifying Popeye?"

"Of course, they're wussifying," co-host Tucker Carlson agreed. "Nothing is scarier to a modern liberal than tobacco. If Popeye were driving around giving the morning after [birth control] pill to fourth graders, that would be totally fine."

"But smoking a pipe, a symbol of freedom and masculinity in America itself, the reason this country exists, tobacco, that's like, 'Oh, that's outrageous. That's a major sin.'"

...

I seem to remember another iconic American idiot reaching the same conclusion --

Homer: Well, it's been two hours. How do you feel?

Bart: I dunno. I kinda want a cigarette.

Homer: That's good. Let's get you a pack. What's your brand?

Bart: Anything slim.

Homer: D'oh!

-- for much the same reason:

Dollar for dollar, there is almost nothing on teevee more pathetically hilarious than watching an overpaid ambulatory afterthought like Carlson struggle so mightily to be outre while stooging it up with two other flecks of human lint on Fox News' Sunday sermonette for shut-ins and the criminally insane.

You could call it tragically ludicrous.

Or ludicrously tragic.

Like when a clown dies.

I'm sure something happened on the Shuck Todd Experience today



besides Grover Norquist being inexplicably given more time on my public airwaves, but until NBC either staunches the hemorrhaging or pulls the plug on on this persistent vegetative program, I can't really afford to be seen hanging out with such losers.

Hey, speaking of the death of Meet the Press by slow poison, look whose picking up work keynoting speeches about how to Make Gummint Better!

You know, if I had a spare $50,000 I wasn't using, or even just an extra $25K, I might consider popping for a Platinum or Gold sponsorship to this shindig just for the chance to spend a little quality, one-on-one time with Mr. Gregory at the "private reception with featured guest(s)",