Friday, December 20, 2013

Ian Bayne: That Guy at the Bar Who Just Won't Shut Up

Ian Bayne is running for Congress in Illinois' 11th district.

To jump you right into the World According to Ian Bayne, his website greets you with the revelation that "Duck Dynasty Star is Rosa Parks of Our Generation".

Illinois' 11th district looks like this --

-- and is currently being very ably represented by Democrat Bill Foster.

In case you don't have time to paw through Ian Bayne's entire ad (which consists of short clips of Ian Bayne talking about stuff about which you have no idea, interspersed with stock images and footage of various people and things flashing past at near-subliminal speed) here is what you will be missing -- 
  • Stock footage of a prototype navy jet.
  • Trading pits!
  • Boot  camp!
  • Ian Bayne sayin' stuff.
  • Stock footage of the Kenyan Usurper apparently Applauding Tyranny!
  • Over 50% of America is unemployed!
  • Grainy terrorists...
  • Blaming Murricans!
  • "...Lies!" voiced-over a picture of the Kenyan Usurper.
  • Ian Bayne...sayin' more stuff.
  • An "Americans for Prosperity" fake grassroots sign
  • A hand-lettered "Dictator Obama!" sign (Apparently "He is the DEVIL himself!")
  • Bill Foster's congressional office.
  • Ian Bayne is still talking...
  • Random clip of Ronald Reagan from "What's My Line?"
  • Martin Luther King!
  • Monster Trucks!
  • Giant Cigars!
  • Smoking a cigar while listening to folk music!
  • Gunz! Oh yeah!
  • Stock footage of Democrats apparently applauding the "Petty Tyrants in Washington D.C.!"
  • Freedumbz!  Along with stock footage of the Wright Brothers.
  • Capitalists!  Ford.  Apple.  Subway.  Coors?
  • The office of the Eeeevil SEC!
  • The office of the Eeeevil Social Security Administration.
  • "I'm running for Congress" voiced-over a stock Getty Images photo of the US Treasury building from 2004 for some reason.
Ian Bayne: That idiot at the bar who just won't shut up.


Grung_e_Gene said...

I applaud Ian. I entreat all Republicans to begin all their interviews by comparing themselves Rosa Parks and MLK Jr and call gay people terrorists and declaring Fealty to Duck Dynasty.

tmk said...

Ow. Bloody hell. I couldn't make it to the end...

*goes in search of barbed-wire mental-floss and brainbleach*

Dave Fultz said...

Hey there, I did a little write-up on this whole situation yesterday on

If you did into his website and take a look, Bayne continues the trend of rambling and incoherency that you found in this ad.

Check it out and let me know what you think:

Unsalted Sinner said...

I guess the Duck Dynasty guy is the Rosa Parks of people who thinks Rosa Parks was doing perfectly fine at the back of the bus. And Ian Bayne is the Rosa Parks of people who dare to say that the Duck Dynasty guy is the Rosa Parks of people who thinks Rosa Parks was doing perfectly fine at the back of the bus.

Rev. paleotectonics said...

"I feel drunk."
"What's wrong with being drunk?"
"Ask a glass of water ."

Anonymous said...

He uses the Treasury Building in his ad because he wants to get at all the money to give it to his rich friends.

Frankly Curious said...

I was transfixed. Out of context, I wouldn't have a clue what this guy was trying to say. Do you think it's possible he paid to have the ad produced? Ronald Reagan on "What's My Line?" was very inspiring!

On the other hand, it is the perfect example of the conservative approach to governance: scattered thinking and slogans. "We need to take America back!" From where and to where, we cannot say.

Unknown said...

This is what happens when you have a video editor who's done just a little too much acid.

darigi said...

When I was younger I would have said that was a contradiction in terms....

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