Cronus is Disappointed With His Crappy Children

File Under, "Everybody wants to rule the world".

According to Greek mythology...

KRONOS (or Cronus) was the Titan god of time and the ages, especially time where regarded as destructive and all-devouring. He ruled the cosmos during the so-called Golden Age, after castrating and deposing his father Ouranos (the Sky). In fear of a prophecy that he would be in turn be overthrown by his own son, Kronos swallowed each of his children as soon as they were born. Rhea managed to save the youngest, Zeus, by hiding him away on the island of Krete, and fed Kronos a stone wrapped in the swaddling clothes of an infant. The god grew up, forced Kronos to disgorge his swallowed offspring, and led the Olympians in a ten year war against the Titans  before driving them defeated into the pit of Tartaros.

Just substitute "Lincoln" for Ouranos, "clowns-who-would-be-king like David Brooks" for Kronos and "The Christopath and Teabagging Horde" for Zeus and his siblings and you have a pretty fair understanding of what has been going on inside the GOP for the last 30-40 years.

It is by now no secret that the Party of Lincoln's electoral strategy since the Age of Nixon has been to rid itself of every vestige of Lincolnism and openly embrace the paranoia and rage of Judgement Day snake-handlers and Confederate States of America dead-enders; to eschew the moderate vocal stylings of Dwight Eisenhower and go all-in with intoxicating demagogy of Joe McCarthy.

And so long as it worked, clowns-who-would-be-king like David Brooks were perfectly content to let the rising tide of Conservative bigotry and fear and Hippie-punching lift his boat very, very high indeed.

But then one day, after years and years of planting the seeds, harvesting the crop, grinding the grain and baking the electoral bread, Little Red State Fundy finally got tired of handing the fruits of her hard work over to rich, parasitic Conservative Brain Caste assholes like David Brooks who made it abundantly clear that he really never give a shit about her rustic theories of Welfare Queens, Creationism, guns, Sekrit Commie Hippie Plots, ho-mo-sexuals, Death Panels, End of Days, Bill Ayers, the New Black Panthers, ACORN, Pigford or the Kenyan Usurper anyway.

It's almost like David Brooks doesn't even bother to listen to Rush or Sean at all!

And so, unable as she may be to comprehend the concept of "the means of production" and unaware of the supreme irony of doing so, Little Red State Fundy has nonetheless gone on strike, wresting control of the GOP's Vote and Propaganda Factory away from its absentee owners and dictating terms like a Wobblie.

At which point, Cronus glanced up from his copy of "The Year's Best Whig Alternate History Fiction" long enough to notice Little Red State Fundy was sawing his balls off .

Goddammit! 

Which of the servants has been letting the hillbillies onto the grounds at Belle Haven!

Steps must be taken!  

Someone must be sacked!

And in today's distinctly un-"Detached" passive-aggressive hissy fit over immigration reform, the Conservative David Brooks makes clear that he knows exactly what needs to be done:   The Conservatives Movement needs to get rid of all those damned Conservatives!  

Another interesting question is whether a major political party is going to consign itself to permanent irrelevance. If conservatives defeat immigration reform, the Republicans will definitely lose control of one thing for years to come: political power.

For the unpardonable rudeness of acting on the very beliefs that Mr. Brooks' Conservatives Movement has been using to bait them into voting booths since the Age of Nixon, Conservatives must be shooed away from the cameras and the actual levers of power and back down to the GOP's electoral sweatshop where they belong.

Which, if nothing else, is damn funny.

Also surprisingly lyrical...

And when you lose control, you'll reap the harvest you have sown.
And as the fear grows, the bad blood slows and turns to stone.
And it's too late to lose the weight you used to need to throw around.
So have a good drown as you go down all alone,
Dragged down by the stone.