at Fan Fiction:
The Opening Statement
Here is what Mitt Romney should say at the first debate this week...
Oh boy!
More once I catch my breath.
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To date, this is how the very few interactions I've had with Never Trumpers have gone, because I want to talk about the Befor...
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It wasn't a fluke. It wasn't pilot error. It wasn't instrument failure. This is what Republicans wanted, and now they have a...
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Ha!! -> http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/02/opinion/brooks-the-opening-statement.html?nl=todaysheadlines&emc=edit_th_20121002
Good morning, Mr. Glass.
I read the column, and holy crap, man! One could smart-ass every other sentence in this thing (as I suspect you will). So let me just try the lines I’m gambling you wouldn’t have thought of…
BROOKS: The Opening Statement
ME: AKA “If I...were king...of the for-e-e-e-e-est...”
BROOKS: I’m a sophisticated guy running in a populist moment. I’ve ended up dumbing myself down.
ME: I've pretended to be stupid. You know, to better relate to you guys. Vote for me?
BROOKS: It hasn’t even worked. I’m behind.
ME: Suck it, poll-truthers!
BROOKS: He’s failed, first, because he’s just not a very good negotiator.
ME: See, the Republicans have claimed they want XYZ. President Obama has responded by giving them XYZ. The Republicans then attacked Obama for giving them XYZ, and acted like it wasn’t their idea to begin with. Things would work smoother if only President Obama could give the Republicans what they want without them complaining about it, which is totally his problem rather than theirs.
BROOKS: There will be no magic recovery, but gradually the animal spirits will revive.
ME: I have no idea what the f*ck this is about. They’re remaking “Pet Sematery”?
BROOKS: At last, I’ve tried to be on the level with you.
ME: About how, up until this point, I haven’t been on the level with you. Vote for me?
"I’m a sophisticated guy running in a populist moment." Translated: I'm a rich and entitled SOB who's trying to appeal to the racist tea party crowd.
There's basically so much wrong with that column (and with David Brooks, essentially) that one doesn't know quite where to start.
(Also, nice work, Kevin. "Pet Sematery" comment was great.)
Why thank you, LJ.
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