If you're like me (and why wouldn't you be), on any given day you get a whole clutch of THIS IS IMPORTANT FOLKS! (It's always "folks") forwarded to you from Crazy Uncle Liberty.
They are long on BIG FONT and short of "facts", these emails are, and judging by the embedding they have passed through the sweaty hands of many PATRIOTIC AMERICANS who READ THE CONSTITUTION before they reach my in-box, and if you can squint your way past the festoonage of American flags and giant, angry eagles holding assault rifles without laughing, you will be vouchesafed a privileged position from which to observe the screaming, batshit abyss of the wingnut soul (here is one of the tamer examples from my archives):
DIVORCE AGREEMENT
THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT AND I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT'S BY A YOUNG PERSON, A STUDENT!!! WHATEVER HE RUNS FOR, I'LL VOTE FOR HIM.
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.
Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
Here is a model separation agreement:
--Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
--We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.
--You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.
--Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.
--We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel.
--You can keep Oprah , Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell . You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.
--We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street.
--You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens.
--We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks.
--We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .
--You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.
--You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.
--We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.
--You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain . You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.
--We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.
--You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.
--We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.
--We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem."
--I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", " Kum Ba Ya" or "We Are the World".
--We'll practice trickle down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.
--Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.
Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American
P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner , Sean Penn , Martin Sheen , Barbara Streisand , & Jane Fonda with you.
P.S.S. And you won't have to press 1 for English when you call our country.
Forward This Every Time You Get It ! Let's Keep This Going, Maybe Some Of It Will Start Sinking In.
Google a chunk of any of these missives and you will invariably find them all over the wingnut blogosphere like diaper rash, cropping up regularly on reliably crazy Conservative bilge-spigots with names like "Red State", "Free Republic", "Patriot Rising", "Barrons" and "The Wall Street Journal". Then take two minutes to debunk any of these missives and you will get back grumbly complaints about factcheckers all being on the Soros payroll, or the boilerplate Centrist reply of "Libruls are just as bad or worse!" (here is another of the least racist/sweary samples from my archives):
Only inside the Beltway media bunker is it some kind of shock that the paranoid and often racist ravings found in the subterranean world of wingnut emails are actually the Mother Tongue of the Republican Party. Only inside the Beltway media bunker is it a surprise that Willard Romney really is so oblivious to how good he has it thanks to the accident of his birth that he has devolved into a Dunning-Kruger-level of privileged Republican assholism. From Charles P. Pierce:
The folks who are getting the free stuff, don't like the folks who are paying for the free stuff, Because the folks who are paying for the free stuff, Can no longer afford to pay for both the free stuff and their own stuff, And, The folks who are paying for the free stuff, Want the free stuff to stop.
and the folks who are getting the free stuff, Want even more free stuff on top of the free stuff they are already getting!
Now...The people who are forcing the people who Pay for the free stuff, Have told the people who are RECEIVING the free stuff,
That the people who are PAYING for the free stuff, Are being mean, prejudiced, and racist.
So...
the people who are GETTING the free stuff, Have been convinced they need to hate the people who are paying for the free stuff, By the people who are forcing some people to pay for their free stuff, And giving them the free stuff in the first place.
We have let the free stuff giving go on for so long that there are Now more people getting free stuff than paying for the free stuff.
Now understand this. All great democracies have committed financial suicide somewhere between 200 and 250 years after being founded. The reason?
The voters figured out they could vote themselves money from the treasury by electing people who promised to give them money from the treasury in exchange for electing them. The United States officially became a Republic in 1776, 231 years ago. The number of people now getting free stuff outnumbers the people paying for the free stuff.
We have one chance to change that in 2012.
Failure to change that spells the end of the United States as we know it.
ELECTION 2012 IS COMING
A Nation of Sheep Breeds a Government of Wolves!
Borders: Closed!
Language: English only
Culture: Constitution, and the Bill of Rights!
Drug Free: Mandatory Drug Screening before Welfare!
NO freebies to: Non-Citizens!
We the people are coming
...To this moment, I guarantee you, Romney is probably astonished at what all the fuss is about. This is simply the way the world is. There is himself, Willard Romney, and his perfect family, and his perfect life, and there is The Help, and The Help gets drunk on the job, and prunes the shrubbery badly, and pockets the silverware, and makes off with the odd can of salmon out of the pantry. He is who he is today because his breeding and his genes and his god have arranged him to be through a serious of immutable laws against which only a fool or The Help would presume to argue. He is what his golden life has made him to be, and his golden life was only the bare minimum of that to which god and nature entitled him. To ask him to doubt any of this is to ask him to doubt gravity or the movement of the tides....
Only inside the Beltway media bunker is it a source of amazement that scuttlefish like Michelle Malkin
and Ewick Ewickson
That the media and left think the Romney statement on taxes is a gaffe says more about them than Romney. Most ppl agree w/ him.would be not only be publicly supportive of Willard Romney's comments, but would insist that he double down everything he said at the Conservative Orgy Guy's fundraiser:
So three cheers for Crazy Uncle Liberty for finally forcing the Party of Lincoln to run the bilious crazy they all secretly worship all the way to the top of flagpole, and then demanding that Willard Romney step into the public square and salute it.
20 comments:
The massive stack of cash in your Mittens photoshop...is that Walter's money from Breaking Bad?
Cousinavi,
Yes it is.
Good eye.
The death stench of the Romney campaign grows ever stronger. I just hope it keeps growing until Nov. 6th.
To the "law student" :
It's a deal. But the women are coming with us, since you only seem to be interested in them as chattel and we're counting them as equals. (Who was it who didn't want them to vote in the first place? Help me here...)
Good luck boys!
First, I will absolutely take that deal. I would like to bargain for maybe half an hour about some of the details, but I'm not letting that offer get away. I've been a fan of bifurcation as the only solution for some time.
Second, regarding Mr. Pierce's block quote, I cannot imagine a worse bit of writing than "I guarantee you, Romney is probably astonished..." Put your whole self on the line with a guarantee, and then take it back three words later?
"Divorce Agreement" should have been a speech at the RNC. Imagine the applause, the standing Os. It would be much like watching someone spit up blood for 3 minutes.
We should have Scottish people teach the illegals English. The chaos would be delightful.
A candidate declaring that he doesn't care about half the country - great strategy. He's like the 3 stooges all rolled into one.
I'm so used to hearing "Romney had a bad day today". Now I am trying to remember if the Romney campaign might have had a good day.
Great archive of all that batshit lunacy:
http://myrightwingdad.blogspot.com/
Drifty -- don't you think that Malkin, Ewickson, et al. have to agree with Romney's comments?
What other choice do they have? I mean, Romney is describing his base . According to the numbers, its the GOP base that that benefits most from taxes. He literally crapped on his base to get a few dollars from a few rich donors. Hey, that's pretty similar to the GOP economic policy.
I doubt he's every apologized for anything in his life. JUSTLIKEAMERICASHOULDBE!!1!
I'd say most liberals think that at some level on the way up to king, the stupid stops and the evil starts. But the stupid never stops.
If we had a government that did nothing but rationally serve the top 0.001% to the best of its ability, we'd have a much better government than we currently have.
We tried this whole divorce thingy before, it was called the Civil War, unfortunately certain have failed to realize they lost.
That said you want to read something really CRAZY?
Matt Yglesias thinks we should consider fast food jobs as MANUFACTURING jobs!
http://hive.slate.com/hive/made-america-how-reinvent-american-manufacturing/article/americas-food-factories
Attention passengers! Crew and ROR's (Rodents of the Right):
Disembarking has already commenced from Port and Starboard, fore and aft. We ask that you not pause to re-work your resumes since the bilges were filled to capacity weeks ago, and the S.S. Rommney is now taking on brackish water at an alarming rate.
As in past sinking's,dresses, wigs and children's clothing will be waiting for Mr. Brooks,Frum and Friedman in the departure lounge.
Do not wait to be lowered gently in life boats, the primary candidates took all of them months ago.
Do not wait for the sound of the klaxon, it was melted down for a set of brass truck nuts last week when the captain accused the president of "not always telling the truth".
As usual, life jackets will be handed out on Sunday morning during Meet the Press and Face the Nation.
Just paddle your furry little legs and swish your tails about until then.
"I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing"? Yes, it's extremely plasusible that a twentysomething law student would mention that treacly song, which no one has listened to or thought about in nearly forty years.
Take a page from the NFL. After further review, the South won the civil war. Now get out of our country. Yeah, we'll have to make changes: we're keeping the Mississippi River canal zone. We're Keeping South Florida (no one lived there during the war anyway); we're keeping west/south Texas (places that didn't want to secede, plus you don't want your precious border being touched by Mexico). We're keeping northern Virginia and that little peninsula, Delmarva. New Orleans? Hmmm, southerners didn't seem to care when it flooded, so some kind of Monte Carlo (tax haven for y'all) or independent Acadia is needed. What the heck - we'll keep Mardi Gras. Eastern Tennessee wanted to leave, but we suspect they like it now, so it stays. We'll throw in Missouri (north of the Missouri) Kentucky, and most of WV and Oklahoma. Perhaps we split it into the eastern CSA and west of the Mississippi, the Republic of Texas. And no, you don't any nuclear weapons. You can keep the roads we built, but we will need a special corridor for high-speed rail and car traffic to Florida.
And we aren't keeping your women, but we won't send them back when they move. Also, The Battle of Hymn of the Republic is a northern song (I mean really John J Wall, you gotta be a southerner).
You get states rights. We get civil rights.
Health care can be a luxury in the south. We'll go with a good system (note to the southern vets: Tricare WILL not be available)
I make a bid to keep history, as the republican'ts abuse it and dont know it anyway. I also suggest that we hold on to the Constitution (something else republican'ts dont know anything about), and we let them have the Confederate constitution. It's identical to the real constitution, but the provisions for slavery is more in-line with the core beliefs of conservatives anyway.
I can't believe anyone automatically credits someone with youth when they see 'student'. This guy has obviously been around since the 1940s. Hates Jane Fonda? Hello, that's a viet nam war vestige. He must have been serving then, or knew someone and was old enough to understand how dangergous her behavior was. What a friggin stupid man. I would not vote for an old man who rails against the same system that allows him to GO TO LAW SCHOOL at his age. idiot.
This guy has obviously been around since the 1940s. Hates Jane Fonda? Hello, that's a viet nam war vestige. He must have been serving then, or knew someone and was old enough to understand how dangerous her behavior was.
Now, now. The real danger was not in the behavior of Jane Fonda but in the behavior of the US, under the auspices of Richard Nixon and Henry Kissinger. The damn war should have been over by then, not extended and expanded as it was. I know that it's become very politically correct to hate "Hanoi" Jane, and very politically incorrect to point out that it was wrong of us to drop bombs and agent Orange and to be shooting the Vietnamese people. Yes, lots of guys didn't have a choice about going but if you want to be pissed at people for causing unnecessary deaths, Jane Fonda is certainly far behind the men responsible for the war and the many who supported the war without having the guts to go themselves (I'm looking at you Dick Cheney and a host of conservatives hiding behind you).
So great, we keep Jane. John J Wall and his friends can have the bodies of Reagan and Nixon (I think we need to keep Kissinger and Cheney for the war crimes trials)
Do you think the "Law Student and American" went with "P.S.S." ("Post Script Script") rather than the correct "P.P.S." ("POST Post Script") because he has a P.P. issue?
Hey, it's a valid question!
it's a lot of money...
Surely you've seen "My Rightwing Dad?" They collect and post these things for our collective amusement:
http://myrightwingdad.blogspot.com/
It's full of this kind of outsider art, why today's top post is:
"FWD: IF THE USA CLOSES ALL CATHOLIC INSTITUTIONS"
But they also have posts about how Trayvon Martin was actually an evil monster and other such artistic sentiments...
Post a Comment