When he wrote this back in 2008 that it would retain its fresh-from-the-udder goodness all these years later:
Mitt Prepares the "Break Glass In Case I Get Spanked in Michigan" Doomsday Plan D.
“In March of 1998 a group of Dirty Fucking Hippies kidnapped me and held me captive somewhere in the Boston area.
“During that time I was forced to watch 'Cop Rock' and 'The Hat Squad' reruns as well as a program called ‘Sex and the City’ while having non-missionary sex with a woman who was not a wife.
“My years as a Culture War POW were Hell on Earth -- the details of which will be published in my forthcoming autobiography; 'Plutarch's Audacity of the Faith of my Fathers' Profile in Courage' -- but for the good of the nation and the children I went along with this vile Liberal plot, pretending to adopt their bizarre, ungodly views and continuing to act as the ‘Governor of Massachusetts’, all the while scheming against them.
“In 2006, having won their confidence, they let their guard down for a moment. That is when I sprang into action, taking out three guards -- who I had known during my years of captivity only by their Liberal Party names of Roosevelt, Kennedy and Hitler -- and leading 23 others hostages to freedom.
“I now stand before you ready to lead this nation as the man I have always been; a staunch Reagan Conservative, a battle-tested warrior, and a POW with a Hollywood-ready back story.
"God Bless America!"
1 comment:
MItt only wishes....
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