At least, I assume I do.
After all, I am the only person I know who is blocked on Twitter by both
Jonah Goldberg
and
Jay Rosen.
Meaning I am equipositioned perfectly between the Left and the Right.
This means I must be a Centrist.
As Centrist, I am by definition always right about everything: perfectly Reasonable in my pronouncements, Serious in my analysis and every vagrant thought skittering through my head at any given moment (Squirrel!) occupies a point on the ideological spectrum 100% congruent to what every "real Murrican" believes.
And since I can now speak Seriously, Reasonably and with categorical certainty about what every "real Murrican" believes, this entitles me to my own column in a major American newspaper.
That's not just my opinion.
That's science!
4 comments:
Or you may have to wait for Rich Cohen to die.
meh
*cackle*
(Of course, if this were a just world, you would have the Mike Royko Chair at your local Prestigious University, and the Beltway bunch would be on the sports beat, which is really all they're suited -- No. Wait. You have to write well for the sports pages. The journalistic equivalent of walking a beat in Staten Island.)
Flawless logic. You should be receiving your invite to Meet The Press shortly. Congratulations, you'll never have to pay a bar tab again!
you aren't the Center
you are the Event Horizon..
from which no asshole can escape scrutiny.
at least, that's my hope!
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