Sunday, April 29, 2012

In Which I Get My Own WaPo Column


At least, I assume I do.

After all, I am the only person I know who is blocked on Twitter by both 

Jonah Goldberg


and 

Jay Rosen.



Meaning I am equipositioned perfectly between the Left and the Right.

This means I must be a Centrist.

As Centrist, I am by definition always right about everything: perfectly Reasonable in my pronouncements, Serious in my analysis and every vagrant thought skittering through my head at any given moment (Squirrel!) occupies a point on the ideological spectrum 100% congruent to what every "real Murrican" believes.

And since I can now speak Seriously, Reasonably and with categorical certainty about what every "real Murrican" believes, this entitles me to my own column in a major American newspaper.

That's not just my opinion.

That's science!





4 comments:

Cirze said...

Or you may have to wait for Rich Cohen to die.

meh

D. said...

*cackle*

(Of course, if this were a just world, you would have the Mike Royko Chair at your local Prestigious University, and the Beltway bunch would be on the sports beat, which is really all they're suited -- No. Wait. You have to write well for the sports pages. The journalistic equivalent of walking a beat in Staten Island.)

Kordo said...

Flawless logic. You should be receiving your invite to Meet The Press shortly. Congratulations, you'll never have to pay a bar tab again!

skunqeshh said...

you aren't the Center

you are the Event Horizon..


from which no asshole can escape scrutiny.

at least, that's my hope!