Thursday, August 25, 2011

Noted New York Times Columnist*

Suddenly notices that his Party is full of idiots and crazy people.

In other words, it's "Hey? What's that 'poo' smell?" once more with feeling.

Well, not "feeling" exactly: Mr. Brooks very carefully squeezes any hint of "judgment" out of his paragraphs, and even halfheartedly tosses in his contractually-obligated gratuitous shot at Liberals ("[Rick Perry's] persona is perfectly tuned to offend people along the Acela corridor..."] which, I suppose, is what passes for geographically-in-the-know cleverdog slang for faggy, America-hating Leftists like me, although
A) The only corridor this flyover faggy, America-hating Leftist lives anywhere near is an industrial one and,

B) If you wanna make it with all the cowboys and razorgirls and coolhunters, you're gonna want to chuck your narctalk and upgrade your nadsat to include references to "The Sprawl" ya sad old Herbert.)
So...where was I again?

Oh yes.

Rick Perry appears to have made Our Mr. Brooks quietly soil himself.

President Rick Perry?
Published: August 25, 2011

Within the Republican Party, the rightward shift has been even more vehement. In 2008, roughly 63 percent of primary voters called themselves conservative, according to Public Policy Polling. Now it’s roughly 73 percent. The number of moderate Republicans has withered.

The events of 2009 and 2010 also concentrated the Republican mind. It used to be that there were many themes in the Republican hymnal. Now there is only one: Government is too big, and it needs to be brought under control. It used to be there were many threats on the horizon. Now there is only one: the interlocking oligarchy of politicians, academics, journalists, consultants and financiers who live along the Acela corridor want to rip America from its traditional moorings.

Perry is benefiting from these shifts. He does best among the most conservative voters. He has a simple and fashionable message: I will bring government under control. His persona is perfectly tuned to offend people along the Acela corridor and to rally those who oppose those people. He does very well with the alternative-reality right — those who don’t believe in global warming, evolution or that Obama was born in the U.S.

So, yes, it is time to take Perry seriously as a Republican nominee and even as a potential president.

Romney might be able to beat back the Perry surge. In the meantime, it’s time to take Perry seriously. He could be our next president.

I don't know anyone on the Left who doesn't take the possibility of a President Perry very seriously, despite clear evidence that a Perry Administration would make a Stillson Administration

look like a model of modestly and restraint.

America was plenty stupid enough to put a reckless, dimwitted dry-drunk clown close enough to the White House so that his Daddy's friends could steal it for him.

And then stupid enough to re-elect the same ambulatory disaster even after he had added treason and war crimes to his scant resume, because Commander Cuckoobananas and President Cheney were perfectly willing to keep America in a constant state of terror by, among other things, raining ads like this down on the public like the Wrath of God

while block-of-affable-wood John Kerry was damnfool enough to think long speeches full of nuance and appeals to sweet reason is how you whip thugs and demagogues.

So yeah, under the right circumstances, we're plenty dumb enough to hand over the keys to an even more perfect distillate version of the lunatic who broke the county in the first place, in no small part thanks to the fact that all of Mr. Brooks' Batshit Chickens have indeed finally come home to roost.

This is not news.

In fact, this doesn't even feel like a proper David Fucking Brooks column.

Something is...missing.

That little...something...that turns a mere turgid recitation of statistics and hackneyed Beltway Common Wisdom into a gem worth mounting in America's Newspaper of record.

Something...something..."But the Democrats...".


Something...something..."Paul Ryan's brave stance".

Something...something..."Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the "tanned"..."prairie, sun-chapped", "handsome", "gracious and ecumenical" mancrush of my dreams that is...John Thune"

Something...something..."Serious People".

Something...something..."Let them eat work!"

Something...something..."Common sense bipartisan solutions."

Something...something..."Liberals who 'cynically manufactured' their anger over the outing of a CIA agent."

Something...something..."Compromise, bitches!"

Something...something..."But I do insist that Trump is no joke."

And of course, something...something..."My motherfucking Green Jacket!"

See what happens when David Brooks goes on vacation?

He forgets how to write a David Brooks column.

*(thanks to Kevin Holsinger for the catch)


John said...

Such an exquisite image of the intellectual constipation under discussion!

John Puma

Kevin Holsinger said...

Good morning, Mr. Glass.

Please don't take this the wrong way, but is "Comunist" a spelling error, or simply a reference to something I'm not familiar with?

Anonymous said...

I have been taking Perry seriously since I first saw him. I think it's the hair.

Kevin Holsinger said...

No prob, sir.

Mike Doodahman Castellaneta said...


ARgh. I knew exactly what you meant by "Herbert" before I even hit the link. While it's always a fine thing to meet a kindred soul in terms of social input, how effing geeky can we possibly be? No wonder nobody pays us any mind. :). BTW, if you aren't hip to it, check out Commander Huber's blog, Pen and Sword. He's a big anti-interventionist, from an inside the military perspective, and his social references are all along the same lines. He never misses a good Star Trek or Stooges reference.


Bukko Boomeranger said...

Re: Something being missing -- he used "Acela corridor" twice, thereby showing how obscurantistikewl he is. What more do you want from him, man?!?

Anonymous said...

Did you notice how when Brooks said,

"The events of 2009 and 2010 — bailouts, health care reform, the stimulus package — substantially shifted voter attitudes..."

he did not include the events of 2008 - economic crash, Bush-supported bailouts?

WHat a douche.

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