Dead Loss

— n
1. informal a person, thing, or situation that is completely useless or unprofitable
2. a complete loss for which no compensation is received

According to one of the human Q-Tips who writes for Andrew Breitbart's Big Mendacity site, this was the conference I attended this weekend:

...My friend Tupac Pelosi-Mumia, who lives with his parents Marge and Fred Bosley in Beverly Hills (“I kills me that they forced me to drive a Mercedes bought with his money made oppressing the workers at his department stores, but I do it for the sake of the struggle”), told me about a terrifying encounter he had with a couple of rampaging conservatives. All he did was throw a free range egg at them during a “No Free Speech for Fascists” demonstration there by Take Back the Mid-Day, his pro-civil liberties collective.

“They were going to give me a wedgie,” he reported, “But the surprise was on them — I don’t believe in wearing underwear! It’s part of the patriarchal paradigm!” The brutality of the wingnuts is truly terrifying. “Those conservatives are tough and mean and they will kick your ass,” Tupac said. “And that’s just the women.”

There were so many panels to choose from! I couldn’t decide on whether to go to “Gender Justice and Making Men Pay” or “Azatlan Now: Getting the US Out of North America,” so I just wandered around to see what superstars I could run into. It was awesome – I even got to shake Keith Olbermann’s hand, but he was kind of cold to me after I told him “I will totally watch your show as soon as I can find the Logo channel!” It is the Logo network, right? Or is it the Oprah one?

Plenty of petitions to sign too – I love getting involved in hand-on activism that makes a difference! I signed petitions about banning eating whales, tuna, beef, pigs, and chicken. I kind of drew the line at the super-vegan guys – call me a “bean curd criminal,” but as far as I’m concerned, you’ll have to pry my tofu out of my mom’s fridge.

I also signed some green energy petitions but had to stop to answer a call from United telling me my upgrade came through for the flight home – bingo! Finally, some guys dressed like pimps told me all about this deadly poison the capitalists are forcing on us called dihydrogen monoxide. I never took a science course at Berkeley since I didn’t have time as a double major in Womyn’s Literature and Oppression Studies...

It goes on and on like that.

Perhaps you can see why rarely bother trying to persuade Conservatives of anything anymore?

Between 9/10ths of the Conservative Movement who masturbate themselves blind in giggly, vicarious dread at the awful awfulness of the Cartoon Dirty Fucking Hippie Emmanuel Goldstein's their Brain Caste as created

to keep their tiny minds off of just how fucked Conservatism has left this country (from "Hating Goldstein")...

...
There is no Big Brother bestriding the Right, because there doesn't need to be: because the one, genuine innovation of the Right has been to spend 40 years carefully cultivating a dumbed-down Base which at this point are little more than reprogrammable Golem.

Whatever they are told today through the Right's trusted in-house organs, they will believe.

Whatever those in-house sources tell them tomorrow -- even if it is in 180 degree opposition to what they were told today -- they will believe.

Because the day-to-day ebb and flow of Conservative lies -- no matter how malevolent or jaw-droppingly ridiculous -- no longer matters to a Base that knows only two things: that Big Brother loves them and that Emmanuel Goldstein is to blame for all of their problems.
...

..and the remaining, Expatriate 1/10th of the Conservative Movement who lament the loss of the Glorious Imaginary Conservative Movement That Never Was, and strain their intellectual muscles extravagantly noticing -- finally and far-too-late -- just a fraction of what the Dirty Fucking Hippies have been trying to tell them for the last 30 years (Here, Andrew Sullivan actually has the balls to brag that his 2006 book finally taking note of the capture of the Right by the Fundamentalists was "a little ahead of its time"), I have no patience left for anyone on the Right.

They are the millstone around our cultural neck, and their continued, toxic influence is the single largest impediment to repairing the terrible damage they have inflicted on our nation.