Obsessive amateur Palinologist and World's Greatest Blogger, Andrew Sullivan, advanced his campaign to claw his way to the front of the "Can You Fucking Believe Sarah Palin?" parade by burying his site -- over the course of a few, short hours -- under a veritable mudslide of breathless, virtually-minute-by-minute Cootie Catcher Palin-bulletins gleaned from raking through the moose entrails of everyone else's obsessive Palin reportage and Noting!With!Alarm signs and portents that everyone else noticed long, long ago.
Of course, Mr. Sullivan isn't the only one -- just the most ridiculous. In fact, the whole Elite Media Universe has completely given in to their crack-laced-Fluffernutter American Idler addiction.
And it sounds a lot like this.
Tiny, irrelevant blogger: But I don't like Palin!
Andrew Sullivan: Silly, irrelevant blogger, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your Palin. I love it! I'm having Palin
Palin
Palin
Palin
Palin
Palin
Palin
debt limit
Palin
Palin
Palin and Palin!
Cable News: Palin Palin Palin Palin. Lovely Palin! Wonderful Palin!
Mainstream Media: Shut up!! Debt limits are off.
Andrew Sullivan: Well could I have Palin instead of debt limits?
Mainstream Media: You mean Palin Palin Palin Palin Palin Palin Palin ...
Cable News (singing elaborately): Palin Palin Palin Palin. Lovely Palin! Wonderful Palin! Palin Pa-a-a-a-a-lin Palin Pa-a-a-a-a-lin.
Lovely Palin!
Lovely Palin!Lovely Palin!
Lovely Palin!
Lovely Palin! Palin Palin Palin Palin!...
Sigh.
It appears that no one in our Elite Media understands what grifters do.
So allow me to explain.
Grifters are one of society’s opportunistic human viruses, striking when and where they find weakness and a failed immune system.
Or in this case, a failed media.
Grifters are alley rats, perpetually scratching and scuffling around the dumpsters, looking for a way in. Once in, they feed for as long as the free eats hold out, then move on to the next likely target.
Sometimes the “dumpster” is some guy’s wallet.
Sometimes it’s a reality teevee show and a contract with Fox News.
And sometimes it’s a presidential campaign.
The primary focus of the grifter is always the same: create maximum confusion and bafflement and then, in the ensuing chaos, sop up the gravy with a biscuit as fast as they can before the false front they have created collapses and they have to scurry on to the next dumpster. It is for this reason that grifters cannot bear the slightest scrutiny, because whatever tricks or protective coloration they adopt are mere style-points in service of that goal.
Because in the end, opportunistic viruses really don’t have foreign policies.
And dumpster rats can’t do math.
12 comments:
DG, THIS is a masterpiece.
Oh, and Spam. Also. Too.
The satire eases the pain, or Palin as it were. Your underlying point is well taken. Why is a vacuous loser like her even quoted by the media, never mind elevated to savior status?! Gotta love the Python reference though.
I mostly skip Palin "news", but there sure seems to be a lot of it. Reminds me of the incessant Liz Taylor "news" back in the 70's & 80's. Liz gained 20lbs! Liz married someone! Liz had a facelift! Liz gained another 20 lbs! Liz is haunted by the ghost of Richard Burton! Liz launches a perfume! Liz gains another 20lbs! and so on.
When is Palin coming out with a Perfume called Northern Lights or something like that?
It appears that no one in our Elite Media understands what grifters do.
Oh, I beg to differ! Please, please, let me be diff...oh never mind.
Our Elite Media knows exactly what grifters do, you can watch David Gregory practicing the art every Sunday morning.
~
Have you got any without the Palin?
Could this be the reason for Sully's Palin, Palin, Palin...
http://andrewsullivan.thedailybeast.com/2011/06/justin-smith-who-were-crushing-it.html
When is Palin coming out with a Perfume called Northern Lights or something like that?
Since she's not going away, we should amuse ourselves by coming up with names for her scent.
"Mooseglow", anyone?
Mooseglow is mine. (C) and everything. Seriously, the little box didn't show for me to put in my fake name.
Well, this is what happens when so-called Serious Journalism becomes indistinguishable from "People Magazine".....
When I think of Palin, which is often mmmmmmm, I am reminded of what Fisher Ames said of James Madison, Sarah's favorite Founding Father (he counts as one of all), "A thorough master of almost every public question that can arise, or he will spare no pains to become so."
That perfectly encapsulates Spamarah Palinspam!
You forgot Spam!
You know, Palin, Spam, Palin, Spam, Spam, Palin and Spam!
Spam Spam Spam Spam Spamity Spam Palin and Spam.
(apologies to Monty Python)
I'm not sure I understand. Are you saying that Sullivan is less of a grifter than Palin is?
Post a Comment