Oz Never Did Give Nothing to the Tin Man

The Reboot of R.O.M.ney v2.012 (™ "R.O.M.ney, for a Beta Tomorrow!") continues.

From Salon, a glimpse of a Mormon-American cyborg struggling valiantly with the DIP switches on his Patriotism chip:

...
"I love the constitution", Mr Romney admitted, taking a stand. "I love the principle of federalism. I'm afraid that's being shredded today by many in Washington," he said, perhaps referring to those favouring a nationwide version of the sort of state-level health-care system Mr Romney championed in Massachusetts.

As this was primarily a speech about the economy, Mr Romney offered little to social conservatives, except for raw love of country, which he he shoveled on with zealous liberality. "I love America's greatness", Mr Romney confessed at one point. "America got it right", he said by way of comparing his country favourably to the allegedly sclerotic economies of Europe. "This is the greatest nation in the history of the Earth, and there is no reason the president of the United States should go around the world apologising for America", as if some president of the United States had been.
...

Given the known facts (plus what we can shrewdly guess about the impending Robot Apocalypse), the averagely clever science fiction aficionado can easily extrapolate what comes next.

After hours of careful practice and running dozens of simulations factoring in hundreds of relevant data points, the ROMney v2.012 team will pick the optimal time and place at which to Demonstrate Emotion.

At that time and place (probably around 4, July 2011) while talking about Murrica, the candidate's Voder/Vocoder unit will appear to break ever so slightly, and his eye modules will secrete a measured amount of lacrimal lubricating fluid.

The media will dine out on this for days, gorging themselves on it like starving jackals picnicking on an elephant carcass, cracking its ersatz-bones and sucking its simulated-marrow.

Relatives, colleagues and various other political aides-de-camp who have been lined up to be interviewed will recite their heartwarmingly-scripted stories of the "real" ROMney v2.012: the 'Umble, God-Fearin' Man behind the Great Hair. There will then come a gauzy interview with the candidate himself -- tie-less and within camera proximity of a fireplace or breakfast nook or family-sofa (possibly conducted by David Gregory, whose own poo-stained resume is perpetually in need of re-burnishing) -- where he will reluctantly reveal an additional micrometer or two of his e-motions, compelled (as his handlers will explain post-interview) to bare so much of his software soul because he just loves this country So. Damn. Much.

After which he will ask that the media move past this story ("Because it's not about me; its about what we can do together to save this country that I love so much that I want to take it out behind a middle school and get it pregnant" (h/t "30 Rock" for the second half of that joke) and back to the "issues".

As if that has ever actually happened.

The Scatomancers of our Elite Media will then take many, steaming jackal-dumps, and spend a few more news cycles pawing through their own stool in search of additional, profound gobbets of meaning.

Outside of our Elite Media, no one will be fooled by this in the slightest, but thanks to an expensive and well-coordinated campaign of saturation media bombardment coverage, ROMney v2.012 will register a slight bump in the polls, which our Elite Media will use as a Ouija Board to "prove" the validity of whatever fucking shiny "issue" object has caught their attention that week, thus circularly validating the Seriousness and Profound Wisdom of our Elite Media to itself and the multibillion dollar corporations who employ them.

Then Sarah Palin will re-capture the spotlight when she reveals for the first time that, in 1993, she secretly and single-handedly saved Burlington, Iowa by beating a Communist vampire to death with a copy of "Where's the Rest of Me? The Autobiography of Ronald Reagan"...

...and our Elite Media will return to their factory default settings.