He Is Not A Witch!

As Newt "Big Adjective" Gingrich approaches his Christine O'Donnell Moment at 90 mph.

From "The Hill":

Michael O’Brien at The Hill: Gingrich: ‘I’m not a Washington figure’

Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich (R-Ga.) said he doesn’t view himself as a “Washington figure,” positioning himself as an anti-D.C. candidate in his campaign for president.

Gingrich railed against the Washington establishment in a breakfast Monday hosted by the Christian Science Monitor, claiming the mantle of the “change” candidate in the field of GOP presidential aspirants.

“I’m not a Washington figure, despite the years I’ve been here,” Gingrich said. “I’m essentially an American whose ties are across the country and is interested in how you change Washington, not how you make Washington happy.”
...

Soooo...not a witch then.

Except he kinda is.

Not a real, live Wiccan "witch" witch, of course, but definitely one of his generation's greatest innovators in the dark arts of strategic Orwellian lying, slander and the meticulous cultivation of the Pig People's greatest hatreds and fears to advance the Right's grotesque agenda.

And he succeeded! Succeeded, possibly beyond his wildest dreams, in creating terrible Conservative potions and powerful Conservative conjure words that have now irreversibly polluted our cultural air and groundwater.

Elsewhere, many of Newt's running buddies from the Old Wingnut Neighborhood may be freaking out over the results --

Andrew Sullivan:

"Maybe [Roger Ailes] should have thought of that before he created a propaganda channel that rewards and continues the reward the extremes"

Byron York:

Run amok: World Net Daily suggests Bobby Jindal, born in LA, & Marco Rubio, born in FL, are not natural-born US citizens.

-- but as always with these fucking "Awakenings" Conservatives

(who almost uniformly act as if they had spent their entire adult lives in some blissfully unaware political coma, waking only sporadically to endorse an illegal war, defend a little home-grown fascism or pick up a paycheck for flattering bigots and kicking Liberals in the throat) it is all far too little and far too late, so excuse me while I wash my balls with their deathbed conversion tears.

While these Useful Idiots were busy fellating a Giant Fictional Reagan and wallowing in the wonderfulness of a Glorious Conservative Past that never was, Gingrich, Murdoch, Ailes, Limbaugh, Rove and all the rest were busy running the Real Conservative Movement: throwing the full, dreadful power of mass media production and endless, mindless repetition behind the Southern Strategy to create an immersive, all-encompassing alternate Conservative Universe from whence truth, logic, facts, causality and history have been forever banished.

For the sake of grabbing and holding power, the Right gleefully scorched the Earth, destroyed any possibility of civil public discourse, and taught an entire generation of Republican political grifters that virtually any level of fraud, hypocrisy and treason could be forgiven, forgotten, and even reversed and turned to your political favor as long as you --

1. Remain dog-loyal to The Cause, and;
2. Remember to repeat a few, simple, magical phrases like "The Liberal gotcha media..." and "The Liberal elite..." that Wingnut Weird Sisters like Newt had crafted for them.

Over the frantic warnings of those who knew better, scum like Gingrich kicked the locks off the gates of Hell because thought he could harness the monsters that would come roaring out and ride them all the way to the White House.

But as any child who has ever seen "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" knows

when fools play with primal forces, the mindless monsters they unleash quickly run out of their control.

And as Newt is learning, the specific Monster that he, Murdoch, Ailes, Limbaugh, Rove and all the rest conspired to set loose to blitzkrieg American democracy has now come for His due.