Things Human Resource Managers Know

You never hire this guy.

Because however efficient and efficacious his work may be in solving the specific problems you brought him on to unsnarl, eventually he will catch hold of some loose ends and contradictions that make no sense.

He will begin to turn his gigawatt X-ray vision on the rest of your organization and ask questions like "Why are things done this way?", "What does the meathead in the huge office who is never around actually do?" "If we're cutting costs, why aren't we considering getting rid of Sleepy Junebug who spends her days dozing, doing her nails and catching up with her friends' trials and tribulations?"

Most organizations I have ever worked for were like alcoholic families: there was always some shit you just did not talk about. Eventually, of course, whole divisions end up being created and oceans of cash end up being used up to work around, go under, deflect, deny and otherwise avoid talking about the shit you were never supposed to talk about.

And when you bring Sherlock Holmes on-board, it is inevitable that he will start asking questions about That Which Must Never Be Mentioned.

Which makes Daddy angry.

And makes Mommy cry and cry.