Sunday Morning Comin' Down

The Mouse Circus today was much like it is every Sunday.

Like the view from the window of my ratty apartment near the northern borderland of the blighted Winthrop/Kenmore Corridor slum on any given night of the week in the 1980s:  a spirited, open-air exercise in unfettered, free market Reaganomics, with dealers dealing, hookers hooking, buyers buying, drunks drinking, muggers mugging, and nobody particularly concerned that the Authorities were going to do much about it.

A little like this...

with the occasional band of frat rats venturing down from the safety of Loyola University for thrills or liquor from the 2 A.M. place or weed.

And so, for example, as has happened a thousand times before, David Gregory “Meet the Press” featured Exclusive! Senator! John! McCain!

Exclusively!

Inspired by Actual Events, we pick up our dramatized version of the exchange near the middle...

McCain: If I say “clearly” often enough, I hope people won’t notice that I have no fucking idea why we’re in Afghanistan.

Gregory: Well what about…

McCain: But I know one thing – Obama is ruining that country.

Gregory: What do you mean? We’re going to end up dumping a trillion dollars down that crack house.

McCain: Not enough.

Gregory: And we’re sending in 30,000 more troops

McCain: No, no, no! That doesn't matter.  None of that matters.  We’re setting a “date certain” for leaving. Which means were dooooomed.  Because the only way to win is to never, ever, ever leave.

Gregory:  But that’s not what President Obama said.

McCain:  Fuck you.

Gregory: Also all his generals agreed with him.

McCain: They’re all assholes and liars.

Gregory: But Tom Friedman said…

McCain:  I love Tom Ricks.  He's on as one of your guest later and maybe if he's listening he can bring me some pudding.

Gregory: No, not Tom Ricks.  Tom Friedman.

McCain: Oh.  That's different.  Friedman's a douche.

Gregory: Under your BFF George Bush, we had, like, 90 guys with shotguns and Radio Shack walkie-talkies in Afghanistan. Under the guy who whipped your ass in 2008, we’re going to peak out at around 150,000 troops.

McCain: Which is still not enough.   It will never be enough, because sending young men off to die in lost causes makes me feel alive! 

Gregory: Wow. You really are a vicious old whore aren’t you?

McCain: That’s “Senator” Vicious-Old-Whore to you.  And where's my fucking pudding Ricks!

Gregory: What happened to you, Senator? I mean, I thought we really had something special.

McCain: You’ll take it and like it, Fluffy. ‘Cause your choices are me or Obergruppenasshole J. D. Hayworth.

Gregory (weeping and looking around hopelessly): How did we ever let it get this bad, Senator? How did it all go to shit?

McCain: We got here one step at a time, Fluffy, with my dick in your mouth every inch of the way.

And so it went.

Goodnight moon.
Goodnight stars.
Goodnight thieves.
Goodnight humpers.
Goodnight hustlers.
Goodnight scammers.
Goodnight to everybody.