Sunday, May 16, 2010

Sunday Morning Comin’ Down

The Senate Mouse Circus Committee convened on every channel today.

On “Face the Nation”

Bob Schieffer put Senator Dianne Feinstein (D) and Senator Jon Kyl (R) in a jar

and poked them with a stick.

On “Meet the Press”

David Gregory

...put Senator Mitch McConnell (R)...

in a jar with Senator Chuck Schumer (D)

and poked them with a stick.

Later, a squarish table consisting of Jonathan Alter

(who used to work for some outfit called "Newsweek"),

Peggington Noonington

(who gets her Genuine Teevee Peerage Membership card punched again [three more and she gets a whole cask of amontillado]),

Republican Strategist Mike Murphy

(who blew beer bubbles into the face of serial loser Democratic strategist Bob Shrum)

and serial loser Democratic strategist Bob Shrum

(who by some miracle keeps getting paid to appear on teevee)

debated what the Hell is that smell and where is it coming from?

Noonington shed great, big Lime Rickey tears over the lack of unicorns and pixies in the Supreme Court confirmation process, and how it all should be different!

Shrum, to his credit, managed to squeeze in the almost-never-mentioned fact that the big reason Robert Bork wasn't confirmed was that his positions on important legal issues were nuts. "Any guy who was on-board with the fucking Poll Tax was never going to be confirmed."

On “Fox News Sunday”

Chris Wallace

Slipped evil wingnut leprechaun Newt Gingrich

on the air to lie to us for for awhile...
Newt: Kagan is a Dirty Fucking Liberal hippie who accepts blood money from Ay-rabs with one hand while hating the American military with the other!

Wallace: Uhhh...

Newt: Also too, Obama is mutant Nazi-Commie-Secularist hellbeast who wants to destroy America.

Wallace: With the deepest possible respect, Oh Great One, isn't that just an eensy beensy bit over the top?

Newt: No.

Wallace: Well OK then!

Remember that in addition to being the former Speaker of the House, Gingrich is also an author, head shill for his "American Solutions for Winning the Future" wingnut welfare money laundering racket Conservative think tank, history professor, and quite possibly the only person left in the entire Conservative movement with an IQ above 40.

Remember that in America today, referring to the corporatist, center-right President of the United States as the leader of a socialist death machine and a "threat to our way of life" is what now passes for sage and accepted wisdom of the Conservative intelligentsia.

...after which he matched wits with Pickles Bush.

Surprising no one, Brit Hume jumped firmly on the "Shit happens. So what?" oil spill bandwagon, opining that dumping unlimited amounts of oil into the oceans is basically trivial because the oceans are very big, so fuck it.

Hume's deep and longstanding contempt for all life on Earth lead some people to speculate that his species probably prefers to eat humans

batter-dipped and deep fried in light, sweet crude.

On “This Week” George Stephanopoulos...Terry Moran ... Christiane Amanpour ...

Jake Tapper put Judiciary Chairman Patrick Leahy...

...and Republican Jeff Sessions a jar and poked them with a stick.

Later, a roundish table consisting of George Will

Greg Craig,

Ed Gillespie,

Glenn Greenwald

and Helene Cooper spiritedly debated the odd prevalence of "G"s and "C"s in their little tribe's names this week.

On ”The Chris Matthews Show” Tweety was out getting his roots re-yellowed, so substitute question-reader Noron O'Donnell went full Brit Com, pairing off
Andrew Sullivan

and Katty Kay (BBC)

as if they were, oh, I dunno, Russ and Rebecca on "Chums" or something.

Joan Biskupic (USA Today) and Pete Williams (NBC News) pulled weekend duty as their thick, unhip American cousins.

They adjourned sine die at 11:00 CST, but everyone knows the Senate Mouse Circus Committee will be back doing their witchy thang again in one week.

And so will I.


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

That is waaay too much credit for Fienstein.

But just about perfect for Glenn Greenwald, Esq.


T_P_K said...


A "Story [I'll] remember for months to come." —Trailers From Hell (I want to go to there and live in one.) —snicker...

Cirze said...

But we all want to know this!

debated what the Hell is that smell and where is it coming from?

The difference between us and them is that they truly don't care.

. . . his species probably prefers to eat humans batter-dipped and deep fried in light, sweet crude.

Brilliance reigns at the tilted glass.

Anonymous said...

Nooners always struck me more as a Joan Crawford type, in that the actual was just so much more crazy and believable than the "for public release" version, whereas Betty Davis was compelled to be Betty Davis, and very publicly so. But Shrum as Rizzo is pure awesome.

P.S. Please reconsider any thoughts of ending this feature. It's hilarious.

StringonaStick said...

I wish we could use real sticks, and pointy ones at that.

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