Put down like sick dogs in 2010.
"Aspirational" -- Semantically identical to, "I won't come in your mouth".
"Size, way, shape or form." -- We get it. You're serious. We can tell by the tiny, tiny line trembling on the verge of forming on the front of your big, smooth Botoxed noggin. Really, really serious.
"Staycation" -- Staying is not vacating. Vacating is not staying. Please try to keep up.
"There is/can be no doubt that..." -- Words used just before a Conservative starts lying.
"Center/right" -- Neither "Right" nor "Left" have any coherent meaning any more, and "Center" never mean anything anyway.
"Continuous Quality Improvement" -- A complex, expensive, multi-year scheme to slowly teach managers how not to pee on the floor. Remember, sloooowly; let's not get all crazy and try to do this without a wildly overpaid consultant in just a few days.
"Some people say..." -- Translation: "The voices in my head are screaming..."
"Innovation" -- Putting socks on a rat.
"Socialist" -- At one time used to refer to a specific, definable governmental and economic ideology. Now is semantically identical to "poopy-head" and used almost exclusively by Conservative Clowns who are desperate to find another "I hate your ass face!" rantspeech trigger-word now that they can't get a rise out of anybody by calling them a Liberal anymore. See also "Marxist", "fascist", ACORN, "Kenyan", "Chicagoan".
"The white flag of surrender" -- Meaning, "Leaving any country, anywhere that we have ever invaded, ever, under any circumstances that doesn't involve candy and flowers and throwing us parades on the way out." See also "socialist".
"Free Market" -- Has been hijacked and sullied beyond repair by Corporate Welfaristas who understand neither "free" nor "markets".
"Collaborative" -- You do it. Or the intern. Or you and the intern. Either way, I'll be over here being "proactive". See also "Empower". See also "Mentor".
"Proactive" -- Holy fuck, I completely forgot to do my job. Well, next time...
"To the next level..." -- Lazyspeak for, "I have nothing left to bill you for but dessert topping slathered onto shit I already conned you into buying."
"Monetize" -- Getting people to pay for your stupid antics.
"Integrated Online Vertical Marketing Strategy" -- Paying consultants who have convinced you that they can get people to pay for your stupid antics, because everybody knows, those kids, they love their blogs and twitters and googles and such.
"Incent(ivize)/Disincent(ivize)" -- "Carrots and sticks" for people with small penises who need to overcompensate with slang they picked up at some overpriced Imagination Acceleration conference in Denver.
"Impactful" -- The go-to word for illiterate executives who dare not admit that they made it all the way into a corner office with ever learning the difference between "affect" and "effect".
"Fox News" -- We live in a busy age and to avoid wasting valuable conversational time on human fudge-sickles who shouldn't be let out of their double-wides without a minder, it would be very helpful if we could all agree that the word "INCURABLE DUMBASS" should be tattooed across the forehead of anyone who really believes that "Fox" has anything to do with "News".
"Christian Conservative" -- Separately, each word means something distinct. Together, they mean the polar opposite of either.
23 comments:
A great list. Good on yas.
Your Socialist definition was my favorite. They are all stellar however. Ain't that friggin pathetic? sigh.....
Brilliant. Now that I'm laid off, my brainz are safe from these zombies.
Kathryn in MA
I sincerely hope this recession wakes us all up -- the words "we hired a consultant" should cause mass resignations among those who realize that the salary and benefits (sigh, those were nice things) were not worth eating the fudge-sickles of corporatism (nice touch with the sickle there, DG don't think I didn't notice)
Happy New Year, Driftglass.
Great List!
my personal addition is the phrase: "The Fact Of The Matter is"
I vomit a little every time it comes out of a someones pie hole.
Happy New Year Blue Moon!
"Some people say..."
If we had ten divisions of those desirous of dialectic clarity availing themselves of the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge labeled 'logical fallacies'..Our troubles here would be over very quickly.
;>)
Can we also destroy "webinar" while we're at it? That one's in the running for my Worst Neologism Ever.
the words "we hired a consultant" should cause mass resignations
You realise that some of us became consultants because we couldn't get salaried or non-contract jobs, right? It's an interesting thing -- you go into a job interview looking to become a future salary(wo)man, and you're a mendicant. You go into a job interview looking for a consulting gig, and you're a supplier. That immediately almost puts you on equal power terms with the people you're probably going to work for, which is a nice, nice thing. Salary and benefits -- yeah, nice work if you can get it, but if you're like me and potential employers look at you and immediately think "$$ HUGE ACCOMMODATION COSTS $$" even if this is not true (I'm visibly disabled), and the unemployment rate for visibly disabled people is nearly 30% when times are good, oh hell yes you'll take some of those consulting jobs.
Granted, I'm a consulting technical writer and not a management consultant, but if you mean "management consultant," you should say that...
Impactful. Sigh. I will be so sorry to lose that non specific acknowledgment of import. But I'm with you on the others.
my personal favorite was the newly minted VP (we called him His Royal VeePeeness) who'd alert you to his favorite PowerPoint slide by announcing
"Now, here comes The Money Shot"
in a room full of lady Ph.Ds
crickets...
everytime
Nicely explanatized.
Since it would be irresponsible of me not to comment:
Free Markets: Something that works pretty much like the book says up to about the level of (coincidentally) flea markets. Beyond that, "free" becomes, how shall I say this, aspirational and "markets" are markets in the same sense that $6 hot dogs and $9 beers at the ball game are a market.
Incent(ivize)/Disincent(ivize): As properly used, assuming this can be done without a crippling, and possibly fatal, attack of the giggles.
Incentivize: To give money to the rich.
Disincentivize: To give money to the poor.
As I always keep an open mind and just follow the facts where they lead me, looking always forward and not resurrecting the past, I...um...er... Line!
"Let me be clear" - usually spoken by a politician just prior to unloading a steaming load of shit on the listener.
I love that 'some people say' line.
I have a feeling that 'beckian' is in our future.
Andy Borowitz:
"This decade began with Y2K and ended with WTF?."
In other news, today in Afghanistan:
http://news.antiwar.com/2009/12/30/eight-americans-killed-in-afghan-bombing-revealed-to-be-cia-agents/
This suicide attack took place at a U.S. forward base in the Province of Khost, which abuts Pakistan's North Waziristan, where the CIA-Drone bombing program has been used to such deadly and often inaccurate effect.
"Americans want..." or "Americans don't want..." spoken by ANY goper just sends me flying into rage at my teevee. As IF they have one brain cell tuned to the "American" frequency.
I cannot watch the same fuckers on the same shows anymore. Meaningless bullshit.
Thank God that oh oh decade will soon be OVER. Many Blessings on you, Driftglass for all you've done and will do. Happy New Year/Decade!
I'd like to nominate "Day in and day out."
"Nothing could be further from the truth."
Jesus, I hate that phrase.
can i add
"our panel of experts"
also
"the base"
i HATE the base
"Make no mistake..."
Means: "I'm gonna make a mistake right after the ellipses, just watch."
How about 'str' being pronounced ' shtr'
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr !
Sounds like they've been head-injured ioo many times.
"At the end of the day, [...]"
Never again!
I'll nominate "beg the question" ... when it doesn't refer to a logical fallacy.
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