Some Chicago Traditions

Need to stay in Chicago.


Dear President Obama,

Congratulations again on your election. Now that you've had the better part of a year to settle into your new position, here are a couple of things about which people who caught a severe case of "The fierce urgency of now" last year and figuratively (and very likely, in some cases, literally) gave up their place in line at the unemployment office just so they could go and work on your behalf would like to remind you.

1. As Leader of the Free World, you no longer have to call "dibs" on your parking space and mark it with that shitty lawn furniture you bought at Da Dominicks ten years ago, or the shell of that IBM 5150 from the Carter Administration you found in the basement.


2. As Leader of the Free World you no longer have to bend a knee to reeking fucksticks like Joe Lieberman, no matter how much elder political kingpin vibe he's fronting.


3. As Leader of the Free World you no longer have to dance to the tune of the malefactors of great wealth -- whether they nest on Wall Street or Insurance Avenue -- no matter what Rahm Emanuel tells you.


4. As Leader of the Free World you really, really need to have your own sammich named after you at Manny's. It's become embarrassing.
   

And speaking of sammiches, half a loaf is not a loaf, Mr. President, and half of a half, isn't even a half, but being Liberals who survived the Rise and Fall of Reaganism on a nettle soup, "The West Wing" and wishful thinking, we can make do.

However, a fistful of raw wheat and an IOU for yeast sometime in the next decade is not any increment of a loaf.

It is, in fact, impossible to swallow.