Saturday, October 24, 2009

Today In Future Local Headlines


February 21, 2010*

City Announces More Mindless Deck Chair Reshuffling.

Signaling his Administration's ongoing commitment to aggressively creating the impression of productive activity, Mare Daley announced today the traditional Biennial Reorganization of several city departments that he has already reorganized several times before. Beginning March 1, all homeless, child care, elder care, job training, fire-hydrant painting, summer youth, community college, submarine spotting, animal control, veterans, recycling, ex-felon, downstate belittlement, tree-limb removal, poison prevention, gardening, truck napping, traffic circle vegetable garden, after school, bird migration, hospice, ceremonial street re-naming, Indiana border patrol, warming and cooling center, seasonal pot-hole decoration, rat abatement, Predator-drone traffic ticket delivery system development, disability, City website bewilderification, consumer protection, and revetment stone leveling programs will be consolidated into the newly created "Mayor's Office of Work, Training and Families."

Because then it'll be all private-sectorish and streamliney.

"So remember," said mayoral spokesperson Bergan Scamptastic III, "from now on, when you think 'City Services', think 'WTF!'."


*(Your humble scrivener also wishes to take this opportunity to apologize for putting the nine consultants who staff the City Logo Development Committee, the City Logo Approval Working Group, the City Council Special Subcommittee on Logo Development and Approval Procedures and the Mayor's Task Force for City Logo Development and Approval Procedures Oversight out of business by knocking this together while I was waiting to use the urinal at the unemployment office.)


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6 comments:

Fran / Blue Gal said...

You gatta KNOW SUMBUDDY at WTF to get doze truck napping jaabs, I'm tellin' yuh.

Anonymous said...

And if this is what was in the press release, can you imagine the truth of the matter?

Rehctaw said...

You must have missed the press release. Shortly after a closed session meeting, Da Mare announced that he had sold WTF to a Nigerian Prince for $2 buzzillion.

Da Mare says it's an old school sale with workers chattel papers included.

In a related story, the first batch of indicted/convicted Daley cronies are being released after completing their sentences.

Da Mare's new office of Crony Felon Assistance is currently hard at work transitioning these loyalist back into the fold...

Cirze said...

Dg.

You and Rehctaw in the same two minutes.

Makes my day!

S

Are you two working in tandem now?

Just askin'

Da Mare announced that he had sold WTF to a Nigerian Prince for $2 buzzillion.

Da Mare says it's an old school sale with workers chattel papers included.

. . . new office of Crony Felon Assistance is currently hard at work transitioning these loyalist back into the fold...

Distributorcap said...

at least you dont have to see 43,898 commercials on how wonderful Bloomberg is - every day!

Anonymous said...

excellent as always, though the truth remains far squirrely-er than the fiction.

oh, do you know there's other folks attacking you for just-about-no-reason:
http://patriotboy.blogspot.com/2009/01/secret-islamic-messages-on-driftglass.html