Stuff Your Mother Never Taught You

Because life is so much more often about the way things are than the way they should be, this list should be printed on the reverse side of Miranda Cards and read to every goof whose life plan and/or alcohol consumption patterns is likely to intersect with the criminal justice system

From "The Beachwood Reporter":

What I Watched Last Night

By Scott Buckner

...
I'm not saying I'm brighter than the average street criminal, but there are 12 very important Lessons For Dummies I've learned from watching Cops that I'll forever carry with me:

1. Rule 1: Shut the hell up. Rule 2: Sit down and shut the hell up.
I've seen a surprising number of people not even involved with whatever the cops got called for end up in handcuffs because they thought the calendar said it was National Fuck With A Cop Day. ...

2. Guns always win. Don't even try.
...

3. Nobody outruns Motorola.
...


5. If you can't be good, be invisible.
The world is full of nosybodies. So if you're going to have public sex with someone who isn't your wife, the worst place to do it is parked behind a strip mall after closing time. The second-worst place is in the front seat while parked on a side street.
...

Go read the whole thing here.