Epic Dick Move

Don’t make me drop dis poor, lil' baby!

If you want a definition of raw political hardball, this is it.

First, spend months lying to your constituents that there is no possible way they will ever be on the hook for your last, great, vanity project: Da 2016 Daleympics. As recently as this February -- just after your last batch of layoffs based on the predicate that the city is dead fucking broke -- continue to build your entire political infrastructure and Da Daleympic on the Very Public Promise that:

Mayor Daley: No tax money for Olympics
February 7, 2009

Mayor Richard Daley today insisted that no tax money would be used to pay for the city to host the 2016 Summer Olympic Games and said funding from the private sector and federal dollars for security and infrastructure would cover the costs.
…

"Tax money isn't paying for it," Daley told reporters this morning at an unrelated event. "The federal government pays for security, which is the highest cost of the Olympics ... The other thing they pay for is infrastructure ... There's no city tax money whatsoever ... We are very strong in that position ... in the regard to having that be sponsored by the private sector and others."

Even though you damned well know better:

“For months, Chicago lobbied the IOC to amend the standard contract that requires the host city to assume blank-check liability for the “planning, organization and staging of the Games.”

A few weeks ago, Ryan got a letter from the IOC saying the answer was no.

Instead of letting aldermen and taxpayers know what was coming, Ryan made a special trip to Lausanne, Switzerland to discuss the matter further while scrambling to line up another $500 million worth of insurance.
…

Second, go overseas and bald-facedly break that promise, because what the fuck? You’re Da God Damned Mare and keeping promises is for little, stupid, non-Mare-type people.

Daley: Taxpayer risk from Olympics is limited
June 18, 2009

LAUSANNE, Switzerland -- Mayor Richard M. Daley insisted today that Chicago taxpayers are on the Olympic hook for only the $500 million guaranteed by the City Council.

"We go to $500 million and that's it," Daley said in an interview today with the Tribune.

But Daley's assertion is at odds with language in a host city contract the mayor plans to sign, obligating the city to full financial responsibility for a Chicago 2016 Summer Games. The contract requires the city and the Olympic organizing committee to assume unlimited financial liability for the "planning, organization and staging of the Games."

Chicago 2016 bid leader Patrick Ryan, as well as a number of outside observers, have acknowledged the city would be on the hook if losses exceeded guarantees and insurance policies. This would only happen "if everyone was so inept that we go over," Ryan said Wednesday.
…

Look, I know that Da Mare’s pallie Pat was a big, swinging dick in the insurance business – and that since he Got Rich Playing With Money In The Private Sector, by Da Mare’s lights that makes him sevety-‘leven times more brilliant than dat Einstein fella -- but seriously, anyone who attempts to calm citizen concerns about the Daley Administration being stupid and profligate with the public purse by blurting out the phrase “if everyone was so inept that we go over” ten seconds after the entire city went ballistic over the stupid and profligate abuse of the public purse in “Metergate” (and twenty seconds after Da Mare reminded everyone that he thinks the people who work for him –

“On Wednesday, Daley had said, “'They’re not customer-related. They’re gonna leave at 5 o’clock. They’re gonna leave at 4:30 or 4:00. I’m sorry. We’re on a time clock. They walk out. But, in the private sector, when you have a customer, you’re gonna stay there making sure they’re happy and satisfied."

-- are mostly clock-watching goofs) needs to put on the Stupid Hat and go sit in the Public Relations 101 corner for the next six weeks.

Ryan also helpfully added in a different venue:

…
Chicago 2016 members spent most of last week in Switzerland trying to convince IOC members Chicago would be the best place to host the games. They did it with slick videos and direct talk to members. They believe it went well, but they say it would have all been for naught without a financial guarantee from Mayor Daley. And they insist they were hopeful up to the last minute they would not need that guarantee.

"We really felt that we had such a terrific plan that they would accept it as they knew that the US does not get national government guarantees," Ryan said.

That financial guarantee has some Chicago residents worried they could be on the hook for hundreds of millions of dollars if Chicago 2016's financial projections fall short. Chicago 2016 CEO Pat Ryan admits the City Council could derail the city's bid, but he vows to present them with details of the plan within about 60 days that will reassure them there is little risk involved.
…

Ryan, the retired former head of Aon Insurance, says Chicago 2016 had no choice but to keep details of the plan to themselves until the last minute.

"I think had we announced something before we went over, we would have weakened our position with IOC members and maybe be a self-fulfilling prophecy," said Ryan.
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Which translates as: "But if I’da tole the truth before, the pretty lady wouldn’ta let me fuck her!"

And the final step in Big Ballin' political brinkmanship? When confronted with the fact that you have broken your solemn word and painted an entire city into a dangerous fiscal corner to feed your gargantuan ego…dump it on the City Council!

Yeah, it all reeks. On ice, and in a way “The Reader” sums it up very well here:

…
Moreover, the mayor has not explained how the city—which is apparently not astute enough to operate parking meters—has suddenly developed the expertise to successfully develop real estate. Based on the ongoing debacle at Block 37, the downtown parcel that’s still not fully developed after 20 years and over $100 million in public funds, I’d say the opposite is true.
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And I don't believe it is simply that no one ever explained to Hizzoner the difference between "broke" ...

broke (brk)
v.
1. Past tense of break.
2. Nonstandard A past participle of break.

Adj. 1. broke - lacking funds; bust, skint, stone-broke, stony-broke, poor - having little money or few possessions

...and "broken"

bro·ken (brkn)
v.
Past participle of break.
adj.
1. Forcibly separated into two or more pieces; fractured: a broken arm; broken glass.
2. Having been violated: a broken promise.

Because when you strip away this brand-new batch of smooth, fast-talking promises (OK, the slow, awkward, mumbly-talking promises) what is really going on here is actually pretty simple.

Da Mare is broke – so broke, he says, that he has to sell off the city’s roads, airports and parking meters, fire enough people to populate a small town, and make the rest of his employees take weeks of unpaid “days off” just to keep the doors open – but he also wants to buy a big, shiny new house.

A big, shiny new house in a notoriously volatile market, where mistakes, dumbassery or bad timing have already cost very clever people billions and billions of dollars.

So what do you do when you just gotta have that fucking house, but when the closing date rolls around, for all of your slick patter, the bank still demands that you to put up waaaay more cold, hard cash than you have?

Well, as you bust open their piggy banks, you start making a lot of lavish promises to your children that this time somehow it’ll all be different.

That this time the value of the big, shiny house will just go up and up and up regardless of past history, present circumstances or future uncertainty.

That this time everybody will go home in limousines because...because this time nothing whatsoever will go wrong.

Da Mare is doing nothing less than taking out the biggest fucking subprime mortgage in the history of the world, and putting the City up as collateral.

Because, hey, we all know how well that genius strategy has worked out so far.