"Like thousands of tiny fingers urging you to let go" Edition
In which the Mouse Circus blurs the line between the story of “The Grim Specter of Swine Flu”
and the story of how “That Grim Swine Specter Flew”
so thoroughly, that all I could dope out was that mall walkers should wash their hands with hot, soapy water after handling Pennsylvania Senators.
Or something.
For those who don’t live here, let me just say that in the Chicago teevee signal strength Olympics, CBS seems hell-bent on carrying its hind-tit-runt status into the digital age with a picture that looks the bastard child of a poorly executed sand mandala and fractal vomit.
“Face the Nation” , you will be missed.
On “Meet the Press” as I mentioned here, after Arlen Specter spent several minutes pushing David Gregory around like sea turtle beating up on a Ken Doll, the visually ill-advised decision to pair Republican Joe “Buck” Scarborough and Republican Ed “Ratso” Gillespie together
to talk about the future of the GOP...
...lead to some indelibly hilarious “Midday Cowboy”
mental images being burned into your humble scrivener’s head (click pic for Scary Large.)
But first -- Hey! -- how about a blatant chunk of product placement as we cut to a commercial for NBC’s “Mourning Joe” ?
And we're back. So Joe, what about them Republicans? Are they dead or what?
Joe Buck: This always happens. People always say the GOP is dead. But just look at all the tiny and historically-irrelevant cases where we weren’t!
Joe Buck: Blah blah blah depends on how you define conservative. Spending money like crazy. Spreading our armies across the world. Changing rules on Wall Street. Those are not conservative values. That’s radical.
Ratso: …more independents align with Republicans than with Democrats.
Gregory: Bullshit. All the polls say just the opposite.
Ratso: OK…well…I meant to say that the poll I was citing was from a group I started called “Resurgent Republicans”. But I assure you that he numbers from my tree fort poll are good.
Joe Buck: The GOP (for the last decade) hasn’t been conservative. They were radical.
Gregory (To Scarborough): Fucking fascinating, but first -- Hey! -- how about I serve up another slab of blatant product placement as I pimp the book you have coming out this week!
On “Fox News Sunday” the Murdoch Brigade breaks down the health crisis thusly:
Chris Wallace asks…
…one question about health protocols
…three questions about “Is Joe Biden a crackpot?”
…three of the “Some people have asked me…aren’t Mexicans just like disease-riddled insects?” brand of immigration questions.
…three questions about “Are we over-reacting?”
…and two questions about “Why aren’t you developing a Hog Flu-Mageddon vaccine now instead of pissing away your time on sissy regular flu stuff?!”
The responses were, across the board, “We’re letting the science guide every decision.”
Later, John Ensign was very concerned that the Supreme Court nominee should swear a mighty oath to never do anything but “apply the law” as the Founders intended. “Too many times they have been making laws based on what they want to see.”
No word on what Republican John Ensign thought about the single most activist, interventionist, nakedly-political, anti-state’s-rights Supreme Court decision
in history.
Chris Wallace then throws up a bunch of “The GOP is so fucked” statistics and asks Ensign what the Republican Party plans to do about it
Ensign: …both parties have “diversity”…
Hell yeah!
In fact, we got
both kinds.
Later, Brit Hume bolts on a blond wig and – boom! -- Laura Ingraham (h/t Heather at Crooks & Liars)
Ingraham: Democrats gained power by going to the most liberal Senator in the U.S. Senate and they ran him for the Presidency and they won. They were relentlessly attacking George Bush for several years from the left. They didn't move to the middle. And the idea that Republicans now have to move to the middle -- what beyond John McCain's middle? -- I don't know, is ridiculous.
At which point we pause to note that firebomb-lobbing shrikes like Laura Ingraham -- who wouldn’t recognize a “principle” if she ate one on a bed of rice and then surreptitiously puked it back up again in the lady’s room an hour later -- are one of the first toxic commodities the GOP would have to jettison if they ever decide to move out of Rush Limbaugh’s studio apartment in Tantrum Town and become a real political Party.
On “This Week” Republican Orrin Hatch explains that
Among the other 158,229 code words for “activist judge” in the fetid little terrarium of the Republican imagination?
scarlet
colortini
knitted
princess
Furby
trenchant
flapdoodle
Tempest Bledsoe
nape
badinage
kayak
joist
scrapple
jollification
Mesmerism
Flo-Bee
dewlap
mummery
cavort
rockery
spinnaker
hogs-head
sachet
kerning
nipple-clamp
oxidize
syzygy
fetid
terrarium
and zwieback.
4 comments:
Flo-bee. Extra points for flo-bee.
So, since "activist judge" is just a code phrase for a judge that will uphold Roe v. Wade, does that mean we now have "code words" that descibe nonsense "code pharases"?? Will there be a code word to code phrase tranlation book soon? How about a code word to morse code book? Given that the tailgunner joe and the repubs just wrapped up a 9 year spending binge (on top of the previous 20 year party) what the hell is "conservative" a code word for?
Will Rosetta Stone be issuing a DVD?
it wasn't bad enough to post the picture of ratso and joe buck once but you had to do it twice?
have pity on us, driftglass.
>At which point we pause to note that firebomb-lobbing shrikes like Laura Ingraham -- who wouldn’t recognize a “principle” if she ate one on a bed of rice and then surreptitiously puked it back up again in the lady’s room an hour later -- are one of the first toxic commodities the GOP would have to jettison if they ever decide to move out of Rush Limbaugh’s studio apartment in Tantrum Town and become a real political Party.<
So delicious I thought we all needed seconds.
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