Sunday Morning Comin’ Down

"Attack of the 50 Foot Adjectives!" edition.

In which Timmy Geithner goes with The Bard on “Meet the Press” to explain why financial crises suck:

The quality of meltdowns is not strained.
It droppeth as the brutal rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath. It is twice bonuses:
It bonuses him that fucks up and him that unfucks the fuck up.
Tis mightiest in the mightiest
...

And then laterals the ball over to the Book of Matthew to explain the same thing on “This Week…”

That ye may be the children of your Father
which is in Wall Street:
for he maketh his global financial collapse to smack down
on the evil and on the good,
and sendeth bail outs to the just and on the unjust.

As I have mentioned on many a previous occasion, one of the important reasons for keeping an eye on the mind-crushingly vile Sunday Mouse Circus is that it is (among other, awful, awful things) the launching pad for important trial balloons. It is the beachhead for the vocabulary and framing war for the week to come.

This being the case, one of the more entertaining side effects of having the same person banging away on Message Detail on multiple shows on the same day is that you can practically reverse engineer the briefing book that the White House locked them up in the basement and drilled them on for the previous 10 days.

And so, decompiling the appearance the verbiage deployed by the Treasury Secretary on both “Meet The Press” and “This Week…”, I give you:

Timmy Geithner -- By The Numbers.

The Problem

1. What are we in? A “crisis” (used on “This week…” 9 times)/ (used on “Meet The Press” 6 times)

2. What kind of crisis? A “credit” crisis (used on “This week…” 8 times)/ (used on “Meet The Press” 11 times)

3. Who is responsible? “Bank(s)” (used on “This week…” 20 times)/ (used on “Meet The Press” 21 times)

4. What did banks do? Took crazy-assed “risk” (used on “This week…” 20 times)/ (used on “Meet The Press” 24 times)

5. What is this risk causing? “Damage” (used on “This week…” 11 times)/ (used on “Meet The Press” 8 times)

6. What kind of damage?

a. “Brutal” (used on “This week…” 3 times)/ (used on “Meet The Press” 1 time)

b. “Catastrophic” (used on “This week…” 2 times) / (used on “Meet The Press” 1 time)

c. “Great” (used on “This week…” 6 times)/ (used on “Meet The Press” 9 times)

d. “Challenge(s)/(ing)" (used on “This week…” 4 times)/ (used on “Meet The Press” 2 times)

Hmmm. Well then, who very emphatically Isn’t Responsible for The Problem?

“Ed Liddy” because this all happened “before he became CEO of AIG” (used almost verbatim on both shows.)

So why can’t we just drag everyone except Ed Liddy into the streets and sell their organs for cash?

Because we “are a nation of laws” (used almost verbatim on both shows.)

And what Hallowed Institution is incapable of Fixing The Problem?

The fucking “market(s)” (used on “This week…” 9 times)/ (used on “Meet The Press” 21 times)

Shit, this sounds really bad.

There are “no good choices” (used almost verbatim on both shows.)

So if the Almighty banks and markets have failed us, and there no good choices…

1. Who can we turn to?

a. “Government(s)” (used on “This week…” 22 times)/ (used on “Meet The Press” 22 times)

and

b. “The Taxpayer” (used on “This week…” 9 times)/ (used on “Meet The Press” 10 times)

2. What will Government do? “Solve” stuff (used on “This week…” 4 times)/ (used on “Meet The Press” 2 times)

3. What words best describe how Government solves The Problem?

a. "Strong/strongly/strength" (used on “This week…” 29 times)/ (used on “Meet The Press” 11 times)

b. "Quick/quickly" (used on “This week…” 11 times)/ (used on “Meet The Press” 5 times)

c. "Aggressive" (used on “This week…” 4 times)/ (used on “Meet The Press” 2 times)

4. And what happens after Government quickly, strongly and aggressive solves The Problem? “Recover(y)” Yay! (used on “This week…” 7 times)/ (used on “Meet The Press” 7 times)

Sprinkle in impressive, tripartite phrases like "Terrifically talented professionals" and "smart, thoughtful, credible", bake under stuio lights at 350 degrees for 30 minutes, and presto; a giant shit sandwich becomes "Manwich Heart-Healthy Recovery Burgers".



Meanwhile, over on “Face the Nation”

President Barack Obama was clear, calm, competent.

And yet there was not a TelePrompter in sight.

Which can only mean....that the Secret Atheist Science Laboratories of the Liberal/Socialist/Marxist Occupation Government have obviously developed a practical telepathic technology capable of beaming powerful Communist key-words and phrases directly into Barack Obama's mind!

Who then smoothly repeats them back out-loud, just like Tony Rezko and Bill Ayers trained him to do!

Damn them!


Back on “Meet the Press” David Gregory continues his man-crush tickle-fight with his Surrogate Daddy Heroes of the Right by having a little game of softball with John McCain while McCain lies about the Republican Party's level of "cooperation" .

McCain: Neither side is playing nice. Everything is a party line vote. There haven’t been any negotiations. Never sat across the table. Never offered to include any of our goofy, discredited crap in their bills. We proposed an alternative to the spending package (tax cuts for rich people.)
We had an alternative to the omnibus bill (more tax cuts for rich people.)

McCain stops and weeps manfully into his hanky.

Gregory: You said that “The fundamentals of the economy are strong” and were criticized for being out of it. Now the President has used the words “fundamentals” and “strong” in the same sentence. Doesn’t that mean he’s a lying stinky pants?

Not a single, meaningful follow-up. Not a single tough question. Not a single question outside of McSame’s comfort zone. Instead, Gregory followed his by-now-familiar style of handing McCain a stick, asking him where he would most like to beat on Democrats, and then rolling over on his back and making

little tribble sounds.

Shit, at least Russert would occasionally arch an eyebrow ominously when he handjobbed Republicans.



On “Fox News Sunday” Rupert Murdoch’s Flying Circus continues throwing everything against the wall in its increasingly frantic search to find a sustainable, renewable excuse to hate Liberals.

Chris Wallace: Doesn’t Barack Obama suck?

Robert Gates: No.

Chris Wallace: Then why won’t he commit enough troops to succeed in Afghanistan like George The Great did is Iraq so that The Surge could succeed so awesomely?

driftglass: Of course The Surge failed.

But at Fox, the work of shredding the past, rewriting history and rehabilitating the Glorious Accomplishments of the Dear Leader is never done.

Chris Wallace then got very concerned that North Korea will shoot a missile at Sarah Palin’s house, which would compromised our Early Putin Head Warning System.

Or something.

This concern stems mainly from a calculated attempt to pandering to the typical Fox viewer’s war-porn


level of comprehension of the threat North Korea poses.

Wallace: But they're giant, mankilling insects! That can shoot our space armada out of orbit with ballistic missiles fired out of their butts! With pinpoint accuracy! And you’re not going to do anything about that?

Gates: No.

Wallace: But…but…

Gates: But what, bitch?

Wallace: Well then, what about the other marauding hordes? What about Mexico?

Gates: Last time I checked it was still there.

Wallace: Well...well...then about Teh Gay in Teh Army? Didn’t Barack Obama say one of his top priorities was to further ruin the military by letting queers mess everything up?

Gates: We’ll get right on that after we clean up that Kilimanjaro of steaming failure President Stupid left behind.

Wallace: Barack Obama won’t use the Fox-approved phrase “Global War On Terrorism”. Instead he refers to the “Campaign against extremism”. Does this mean he’s filthy turncoat Socialist liar?

Gates: I know your father. He told me every night he cries himself to sleep from the shame of having whelped a bestial little turd like you.


And back on the “This Week”, George Will opines that discussion of the budget/bailout stuff proves that like Orwell said in “1984”; that "He who controls the past, controls the future." Which is why we’re still having this debate over the real meaning of the Great Depression.

After which Paul Krugman hit him in the face with a snow shovel.