Copy Editors

Do It With Style

Hard to believe that, after all the money it saved kicking Bill Kristol into the waiting arms of the Washington Post, the New York Times (creators of "The New York Times Manual of Style and Usage : The Official Style Guide Used by the Writers and Editors of the World's Most Authoritative Newspaper") still won't spring for a decent copy editor to comb rogue possessives and umlauts out of the Op Ed page.

Well, Bill Keller never answered my email suggesting that I be hired on -- cheap -- to plug the big, dumb hole left by Bloody Bill's "rightsizing", but perhaps there is a place for me helping to make sure they don't continue to sully their trademark name with rookie errata.

For example, just look at how many errors crept into this single column by

David Fucking Brooks:

Taking a Depression Seriously

The Democratic response to the economic crisis has its problems, but let’s face it, the current Republican response is totally misguided. The House minority leader, John Boehner, has called for a federal spending freeze for the rest of the year.

In other words, after a decade of profligacy, we the Republicans have decided to demand a rigid fiscal straitjacket at the one moment in the past 70 years when it is completely inappropriate.

See what I mean? Sloppy.

The G.O.P. leaders have adopted a posture that allows the Democrats to make all the proposals while all we the Republicans can say is “no.”
…

We’ve They’ve apparently decided that it’s easier to repeat the familiar talking points than actually think through a response to the extraordinary crisis at hand.
…


If we the Republicans wanted to do the country some good, we would they’d embrace an entirely different approach.
…

First, we would they’d take the current economic crisis more seriously than the Democrats. …
…

We Republicans could point out that this crisis is not just an opportunity to do other things. It’s a bloomin’ emergency
…

We Republicans could argue that it’s Nero-esque for Democrats to be plotting extensive renovations when the house is on fire. We They could point out that history will judge this president harshly if he’s off chasing distant visions while the markets see a void where his banking policy should be.
…

Second, we Republicans could admit that we they don’t know what the future holds, and we're they’re not going to try to make long-range plans based on assumptions that will be obsolete by summer.
...


Third, we Republicans could offer the public a realistic appraisal of the health of capitalism.
…

Fourth, we Republicans could get out in front of this crisis for once. That would mean being out front with ideas to support the wealth-creating parts of the economy rather than merely propping up the fading parts.
…

Finally, we Republicans could make it clear that that the emergency has to be followed by an era of balance.
…

If we Republicans were to treat this like a genuine emergency, with initiative-grabbing approaches, we they may not get our their plans enacted, but voters would at least give us them another look.
…

In columns like these, Republicans like David Fucking Brooks play the fantasy shoulda-woulda-coulda game like Conservative Desert Island castaways playing at The Best Sammich Evah!

As they starve and stare at an empty sky and a vast, rescue-less sea...

“Y'know what’d be awesome! Captain Nemo’s in
Chicago has dis thing -- dis fucking ham reuben –
an Merciful Gad strike down here an now if
it ain’t da best effing sammich on Earth.”

“I dunno, man. Manny’s pastrami is pretty fucking amazing.
I know guys wrecked dere marriage over a Manny’s pastrami.”

“With da potato paincake on da side?”

“’Course! It ain’t a Manny’s widdout da paincake.
An da pickle. An da slaw. An a fucking Green River.”

“Well be dat as it may, dis ham reuben…you just gotta
trust me on dis…da ham is ground up wit I-don’t-know-what
but its like da best freak sex you ever had…den comes da kraut,
da dressing. Da swiss, melted juss right.. Da bread right offa
da truck. Oh man. An get it wit da soup; don’t forget dat.”

Except on the island, there is no ham. No pastrami. No sauerkraut. No cheese. No cows.

No soup.

No vegetables.

No bread. No wheat from which to make bread.

No fire.

And so after ritually recounting all of the yummy yummy sammiches the Republican Party could make if it weren’t full of Republicans, shipwrecked Republicans like David Fucking Brooks stagger away to forage for grubs and millipedes under a nearby rotting log, and then lick dew off the grass for dessert.

Of course this is where the analogy falls apart, because Republicans like David Fucking Brooks aren’t stranded on a desert island and never have been.

There's not a single, horrifying characteristic about today's Republican Party which wasn't blatantly, gaping-head-wound obvious twenty years ago to anyone who was not getting their world view filtered through Rush Limbaugh's colon, and during that entire length of time Republicans like David Fucking Brooks have been perfectly free to walk away from the bigots and the crazies whenever the wanted to.

Could have left a week ago. A month ago. A year ago. Five years ago. Ten. Twenty.

But they chose not to.

Instead, while the Conservative cotton was high and the Axis of Wingnuts bestrode the political world, they chose to stay inside the Big Crazy Tent and bray about the Terrible Liberals. To treat it all like a fucking game. To make handsome livings carry water for fascists and oligarchs.

Until it was too late.

Until it was way past too late.

When David Fucking Brooks writes a column that says "I'm sorry. I was wrong. I have been wrong for a long time and in that time have done a lot of harm." I'll believe he gets it.

And when he hangs it up at the NYT and walks away because it is the honorable thing to do, I'll believe he is sincere.