Sunday Morning Comin’ Down

The 1,400th post -- Part 2 of 2


Later, on “Face the Nation” Bob Schieffer asks McCain

“What do you say to Conservatives who say…?”


I change channels and watch George Stephanopoulos on “This Week” ask his guest:

“What do you say to Independents who say…?”


Sigh.


The panelist crosstalk on "Meet the Press" among Bloody Mary Matalin, Mike Murphy, Bob “Wimpy” Shrum and cockheaded political cuckold James Carville.

Mike Murphy (saying One True Thing): The one thing we in the pundiocracy should have learned from the last few months is that we don’t know a fucking thing. The race in November between whoever and whoever will be very close. That’s all we know.

Mary Matalin (publicly dick-stomping her husband, which you kinda get the impression is the masochistic adhesive that holds House Carville together): The only way to control such a husband (as Clinton) is to be right next to him with a leash. That’s why my Carville here is so well-behaved.

Carville: I love Bill Clinton to death and will defend him till the day I die.

Murphy: Republicans are mean Social Darwinists, which means that we punish anyone who runs second.

Matalin: I’m not saying saying that McCain will come and eat your Republican babies in the night. Just that he might…

Shrum: Every time Rush Limbaugh attacks McCain, he picks up half a point in the polls.

Video of Limbaugh: McCain got the nomination of a “big tax, big spending, Socialist Medicine, Eco-Extremist governor” who wants to lead the Party to the Left.

Carville: McCain started out kissing wingnut ass. Didn’t work. He abandoned that and ran to the Moderates. And now it looks like he’s gonna win, and it is exposing the fact that the crazy mothefuckers don’t have as much power as they keep saying they do. As a Democrat, I am going to enjoy watching this play itself out.

Murphy: There are a lot of “self referencing” potentates on the Right who have a microphone, but less real power that we were led to believe.

Matalin McCain did NOT start out this campaign sucking up to Conservatives.

Which would be a much less noteworthy comment,

if it were actually true.

Matalin: Rush doesn’t “direct” anyone. He “reflects” them.

Really?

That's not what these

Republicans seemed to think.

Again, Matalin's comments simply underscore, for the hundredth time, that on The Mouse Circus, if you are a member of the Kewl Kids Klub, being a barefaced liar is no impediment to professional success.

Matalin: McCain has to get the Base back. The crossovers will go back to Obama. He doesn’t have to bend over, but he has to get the Base.

Shorter Matalin: The Rove Playbook is our Holy Writ and McCain is defiling it. It’s simple. You drill into the Base, get ‘em riled–up-drunk on rage and fear, win by eleven purloined votes in Ohio, declare a Mandate from Heaven, and invade somebody. That’s the only way we can win and St. McCain is fucking up that formula.

Carville: There are three legs of the GOP: the nutty supply-siders, the evangelical lunatics and the Talk Radio haters. And McCain has vanquished them all.

Interestingly, Fox News had also reflected much the same thinking as Matalin’s…

Brit Hume: Talk Radio hosts – who matter in this race – fucking hate McCain.

Chris Wallace: What’s the problem with Romney?

Mara Liasson: Romney created a by-the-numbers to reach out to what he believed was the Base. But he’s executing it like a fucking Ford Assembly Plant Robot.

(And “Robot Republican” is a role that’s been taken by Schwarzenegger.)

Kristol: Judy McCain’s checkbook is saving John McCain’s ass. Mitt Romney has run a pretty good campaign for someone who has had little experience and wasn’t really in politic. If he had spent even more of his kid’s fortune, who knows?

Williams: He spent 35 million of his own money, Bill. It’s the moderate republicans who are running like their dicks are on fire away from Mittens.

Hume: Some of the activists on the Right who have gotten all batshit crazy have themselves to blame. They wouldn’t rally to Mittens. They shunned him until it was too late.

Wallace: Didn’t the YooToobs hurt Mittens? What with all the facts and such being available on video, wasn’t it much harder for him to run a typical Conservative campaign and just lie his ass off?

Liasson: Some of this is mysterious. Nice man. Good hair. Camera-ready family. With the Conservatives on all the issues. And they tossed him under the bus.

Kristol: The people who are sitting around whining now didn’t do much to stop McCain. They flirted around with Fredrick of Hollywood. With Rudy. They sat around sucking each others doughy pantsloads and bitching that no one is Ronny Reagan. No one smells enough like Daddy Saint Reagan's Pall Malls, Old Spice and Cold Warrior Underpants.

Liasson: Yeah, but they thought McCain was road kill. They thought he was safely out of the way.

Kristol: A week before Florida, to continue to indulge this notion that Giuliani was going to come back and win?

Shorter Kristol: Isn’t is awful when the stupid, crazy people we recruited into the Party so we could win act all stupid and crazy?


Finally, on ”The Chris Matthews Show” (Joe Klein, Cynthia Tucker, Norah O’Donnell, Jose Diaz-Balart )

Joke Line: This whole Messican/Black thing is just like it used to be with da Mics and the Eye-ties. Because sepia-toned, Depression-era analogies are the only ones I can comprehend.

Matthews: Ha. Yeah. Just like dat! Remember what they used to say about da Mics stepping on da fingers of da Eye-Ties? Ha!

O’Donnell: Yeah, well, maybe old people think that way, but anyone not throwing down the AARP Discount Card for Depends and Viagra sees things differently.

Tucker: There is still a lot of residual affection for Good Bill Clinton. But Bad Bill Clinton stepped right in the shit in South Carolina, alienating black voters and driving Ted Kennedy into Obama’s arms.

Matthews: People will vote for McCain even though they don’t agree with him about anything.

Shorter Matthews: People are idiots.

Tucker: People trust him, but I think that Iraq will come back to bite him. I mean, if The Surge is working, why do we need to be in Iraq for the next 100 years?

Matthews: Yeah. There are some things that sound great in Republican-only circles that sound like clattering, horrible news outside the Reagan Tent.

Shorter: Outside Voice, John. Use your Outside Voice.

Joke Line: I don’t know a dozen independents that think staying in Iraq is a good idea. It’s a disaster.

Joke Line: This is less of prediction and more of a hope that it will all come down to Ohio.

Program Note: On the Matthews show, Mittens Romney was “Edwardsed”.

Not. Mentioned. Once.

And thus post #1,400 goes in the book.