Like Sins Through the Hourglass…

So Are the Days of Our Lies


I know, I know.

You say, "Hasn’t the conservitard soap-opera plot line of ‘Self Righteous Scold Suddenly!Revealed! to be a complete and utter Self Loathing Freak' worn so thin so long ago that you can actually read the fine print of the liability disclaimer on that pair of Chinese-made "Happy Singing Ninny Pie Love Gifting Day" nipple clamps you just bought for your Significant Other (ya cheap bastard) right through it?”

I shrug. Obviously true.

So you (being a reasonable person) would probably conclude, “That being the case, it is simply inconceivable that there could be even one more drop of Chateau Nuf de Schadenfreude to be stomped out of the few remaining dessicated grapes in the Sex-Hating Evangenital (tm Tom DeLong) Vineyards.”

And yet you would be wrong. For outside of gravity, electromagnetism and the Chicago Cubs' Inevitable August Implosion, there is no force in nature more perfectly and uniformly consistent and reliable as Conservative Hypocrisy.

And so, just in time for Carnival, one more float gets added to the Great Wanknut Parade of lying, right-wing charlatans…

This from the indispensable Susie Bright...

“Back in the good ole' days of the 1990s, "family-friendly" movie fans reached the breaking point.

They were tired of almost-wholesome movies like Titantic being marred by coarse language and shots of Kate Winslet's breasts. They wished they could enjoy pirate films that weren't decked with profanities. They wanted their kids to have a decent breath of fresh cinematic air— and what exasperated parent couldn't sympathize?

So the White Knights took out their scissors. A group of "clean-it-up" video pioneers based in Utah, led by the "Clean Flix" company— decided to cut the naughty bits from classic Hollywood movies, and then sell their bastardized G-rated versions.

But film directors didn't like it. Big meanies like Steven Spielberg and Robert Redford sued the pants off of Clean Flix, demanding that their raw, vulgar integrity— and final edit— be left alone. Clean Flix founder Daniel Thompson was forced to his knees by the Hollywood moguls who didn't care about his honest crusade for family entertainment that one could watch without blushing.

What DOES it take to break a man? We'll never understand, will we?

But this week, CleanFlixer Daniel Thompson has been arrested for...

Click over to Susie’s place here for (to gratuitously drag Paul Harvey into it) The Rest of the Story, but before you do, pause for a moment to consider what it says about the state of the Conservative Christian Family movement that, without even looking, you almost certainly already know exactly how this story is going to end.

Then muse for another minute on what sort of miserable, pig-iron stupid lump of neurotic terror a person would have to be to keep falling for these same, lying, dime-story Deuterenemies of Democracy over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

Finally, contemplate for one more moment that fact that when these very people go to the polls in November, they will be proudly “voting their values”.

/Pause for station identification/

Immediately following "The Days of Our Lies", remember to stay tuned for another entirely predictable episode of "One Reich to Live".

Today's action-packed episode begins with yet more Conservative congressmen tragically succumbing to a new, frightening and as-yet incurable affliction sweeping the GOP: "Sudden Onset Bill of Rights Bulimia".

The mysterious disorder -- characterized by alternating bouts of projectile vomiting and resignation -- is thought by some to be a largely psychosomatic and brought on when Conservative "lawmakers" are forced to confront the horror of serving in a Congress that not longer operates as either;

1. A wingnut witch hunting and impeachment whelping box (when the President has a “D” after his name) or;
2. A completely obeisant Court of Louis XIV (when the President has an “R” after his name)

but instead is compelled to actually acts as a responsible, responsive and deliberative body, and a genuine check on Executive Power.

After which we will be re-running last season's cliffhanger finale of "Attorney General Hospital".


Sigh.

Like begin forced to watch 13 straight episodes of "According To Jim", what can one say but, "For the love of all that is Raymond Chandler, Less Evil Stoopid Please!"

I blame the writer's strike.

And, of course, Bill Clinton.