Sunday, November 18, 2007

Pol Dancing

File under: Another Modo “Beautiful Agony” column.

Reading Maureen Dowd's piece in the NYT, “Shake, Rattle and Roll”, shed absolutely no new light on the subjects it alleged itself to be about: Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton and Rudy Guiliani.


But that clearly wasn't the point. Because what it did accomplish, very effectively, was to let Ms. Dowd peel herself down to her taxi shoes and nipple clamps and walk giddily around the block in front of a whole bunch of people.

Stripped of what passed for its context, here is the just the vocabulary she used in her column; just the subtext, staked out spread-eagle for your prying eyes.




flick the whip


voice, gaze and body language


brought to heel

mesmerizing display,

iced them.



strong woman

keep him in line


the art of (the) loving

refused to meet his eyes

she owned him





control freak

letting her take control.

all the vulnerable places

Without ever uttering her name



Now it is a little hard to suss out whether or not Ms. Dowd is trolling for a new lover or telegraphing her erotic shopping list her to an existing one, but from her perch atop the NYT she is without doubt doing one or the other.

And while I have my very strong impression of which side of the stockade she wants to be on, whether she likes to be the one on her knees and trembling, or the one circling slowly and whispering is still a trifle ambiguous.

What is not difficult to figure out -- regardless of which end of the leash she yearns for -- is that Ms. Dowd very much likes the idea of being put through her paces in front of a crowd.

Very, very much likes the idea.

And while I respect all of consensual, adult Roads of Excess that lead to the Palace of Naughty, Bad Fun, I really do wish Ms. Dowd would quit twisting reality, bending the politics of people she clearly despises over a barrel, and then flogging it to a pulp just to suit her barely sublimated need for a particular brand of gratification.

Write mediocre erotica, Ms. Dowd, or write about politics.

Or write both.

But as thrilling as it may make you feel down in the ol' Dowd Fun Area, please quit using your column to badly trick out one and pretend it’s the other.


Anonymous said...

She really is transparent in her execry.

nolocontendere said...

Nope, nothing between execrate and executant, but it's a fine word.

NYMary said...

Ah, you make it sound like poetry, driftglass!

Anonymous said...

Can someone explain to me how John Edwards grooming = faggotry, but Ronald Reagan's hair-dying and make-up wearing and Hollywood acting is the epitome of manliness?

Anonymous said...

Two reasons:

(1) Mainstream media pound on Dems and give Repubs a pass on this kind of stuff.

(2) Dems themselves are not constitutionally capable of really pounding Repubs on this kind of stuff.

peg said...

when i read it last night, i suddenly realized that she's never forgiven one (or both) of the clintons for never trying to seduce her and, thus and therefore, the rest of us have had to suffer through her vengeance for the last ten years. if only bill had run his fingers through those red locks during some white house reception back in the mid-90s, the times op-ed page would've been such a nicer place.

Anonymous said...

Pure poetry (subgenre: snark), driftglass.

Couple years ago I complained to friends that Mo Dowd was lofting little perfumed spit balls to Dear Leaders ... rather than afflicting the comfortable, as should be in her job description at The Gray Lady NYT. Then Dowd got "more muscular" in her attacks, which pleased me. But you've lifted the curtain, Driftglass, or maybe just shooed away all those taxi-dancer doves and feather boas. She IS going dominatrix semantics.

BUT Didja read Stephen Colbert's article in her Dowdness' stead a couple weeks ago? Funny stuff: She was afraid Colbert would never vacate the keyboard; Colbert had Mo Dowd on a satin divan petting an overbred pooch as he wrote her (and Frank Rich's and Paul Krugman's) articles for them. :) Is there a sub-sub-rosa text going on here? Or did I read too much James Joyce?

Unknown said...

Ahhh priceless.

I'm still trying to place your writing style. Rude Pundit meets George Elliot?

Anonymous said...

A top democratic presidential candidate should offer an interview, with video camera rolling, right before you let her dowdness get out her first question the candidate should confidently produce a dog leash and begin to affix the collar to dowd's neck. If she asks idiotic questions you can just yank the chain, you know discipline, she's begging for it.

Frank said...

You are giving MoDo too much credit and the good people at Beautiful Agony too little. What they do is artistic and tasteful. Her not so much.

Anonymous said...

This is one of those blogs where even the comments are high-class. It might not do any good, after all, MoDo is at THE TIMES, and we're just...well, you know...HERE, but it would be a few minutes well-spent by the commenters to send their comments to the Times. Being mocked by the rabble who are supposed to be marvelling at their wit and insight might just help.

Anonymous said...

Wish we had the funds to buy a full page ad.....

Fran / Blue Gal said...

This is one of those blogs where even the comments are high-class.

That's how I feel, too, dave. I have to spend more time here because the commenters are as smart as the author.

Anonymous said...

It is nice here, isn't it? I picture us wrapped in towels in a steam room in DG's basement.

Dr. Know said...

Wickedly insightful.

Anonymous said...

Arrghghgh! Come on, you guys. It's way past time one of youse got on the stick and married the Beckoning Tedious One. That way, she can fulfill all her "submissive wifey" fantasies--and we won't have to see any more of her goofy columns. Man up and wed her--for the love of all that's holy and good...:)