Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Sunday Morning Came and Went

Neocon Kid Nation Edition (tm)

40 Neocons interns...

No Adults...

And one country to fuck around with.

(HINT -- This is so perfectly ripe for parody that I'd be willing to wager that should someone with the proper equipment cook up a real mashup of this with Perle, Feith, Dubya, Rummy and all the rest, it'd go viral faster that you could possibly imagine -- END HINT)

You know, the last thing I broke was a coffee maker, so it requires a certain effort of will to imagine breaking an entire country.

But to think about politics in the Age of Dubya that is exactly the scale at which you have to redline your imagination.

Dubya has broken a country.

An entire country.

The man who could not find oil in Texas, who his Parti hailed as the Second Coming of Reagan.

The Commander/Decider/White Knuckle Liar/NewKewLur Guy who could not during his professional life manage his way unassisted to a victory in Monopoly if he owned every railroad, utility, the bank, had hotels on every property except Baltic Avenue, and had special printing presses spitting out "Get Out of Jail Free" cards for his dice-shaving minions...

...and yet who takes as his imperial due the bellowing, fanatical, dog-loyalty of the brackish, condom-and-Pall-Mall-butt-littered shallow end of the American Gene Pool.

He has broken an entire country, and not through the fault some subtle disturbance in the political ether that none could have foreseen.

No he did it by lying us into a war with a country that had not attacked us and was not a threat, and then just running the damned thing right off the cliff.

He did it by fucking up the occupation in ways that no one could have anticipated precisely because the very idea that the last superpower would smash a country into a million pieces and then squat in its rubble jerking off for four years

because our Big Giant Head really was a brain dead shit-kicker who did not have the slightest idea what to do next was almost literally unimaginable.

And where once we had a Rabid Impeachalypse Now! congress tirelessly hunting Slick Willy like Moby Dick in the name of Sacred Oversight...

...in the blink of an eye they became the Gelded Old Perverts, doing call and response to President Chilly Willy:

More chaos?

More chaos.

More contracts?

More contracts.

More chaos?

More chaos.

More troops?

More troops.

More chaos?

More chaos.

More time?

More time.

In the end it turned out there was a plan for Iraq.

The plan was to turn the Dubya Youth -- politically pure children of privilege -- loose on it with a copy on “Atlas Shrugged” in one hand, and a blank check drawn on your money on the other so they could use it as a test bed for every crackpot theory ever harked up by the furthest fringes of the fascist Right.

Iraq really was to be fucking Neocon Kid Nation with real guns,


a playbook apparently

cobbled together from Ouija Board messages pooped out by Ayn Rand to Bill Kristol from that big Lazy Fair in the sky, and 24 million locals who had many very distinctly different ideas about what should be happening in their own country.

And of course a phalanx of Bush Fedayeen also thrown in on your dime to exterminate any uppity locals who weren’t with the program, or who were just on the wrong street at the wrong time of day.

Democracy did not -- and has not -- failed in Iraq.

Far from it.

No, the reason the GOP has been reduced to unhinged and hysterical support of Dubya’s patently failed policies in Iraq is because to do otherwise would be to risk acknowledging that it is Conservativism that has come a bloody cropper in the desert sand.

That it was the murderous, merciless application of pure, Hobbsean/Dominionist Conservativism which destroyed Iraq and is destroying America.

That is the insatiable, terrifying Truth running loose in the world that they are desperately hoping to keep camouflaged behind smoke and surges and runaway blondes until they can find a way to pin their unforgivable atrocities on imaginary hippies, liberal reporters and the inherent barbarism of all Swarthy Peoples everywhere.

Because to them, Conservativism is not their ideology; it is their alibi.

It is a warm bath of furiously manufactured context in which their hateful, pig-ignorant CHUDDiness is magically washed away, their debased intellects transmuted into anti-elitist-regular-guy-heroism, and their moral squalor and dead souls Philosopher Stoned into noble pragmatism.

But without the sheltering harbor of their ideology to explain away their reeking villainy, they are just a scow-load of weak, hobbled, vampires becalmed under a merciless noon sun.

And so to save them, Dubya summoned the

Riders of the Purple Surge.

As a part of his “Stay the Course Until I Can Slink Out of Town” strategy, this week the final phase of his Washington Surge came on line with a full and impressive deployment of verbal firepower and mandibular juttiness.

Over the last week, specially trained troops were surged into D.C. to tamp down on Iraqi badthinkfulness and unhappytalk and any vagrant truth that managed to slip through a hole it chewed in the fence and run around as bare-assed and shameless as a newborn Messiah.

Since the Surge was about creating a space for political reconciliation in Iraq, and since political reconciliation in Iraq appears not only impossible but a failure which can only be exacerbated by our presence there, then by definition the Surge must fail to accomplish what it was programmed to accomplish.

And since no one disputes these basic facts, the Surge therefore now exists only as a dodge: a cheap sleight of hand where American lives are sacrificed by this President for no other purpose that to run out the clock and let him and his Conservative hordes do what they have always done; mooch and pillage and play God with the lives of other people, break everything they touch, and then skip out on the bill for their orgy of malignant narcissism and go back to whining about how oppressed they are by gays, blacks and tax-and-spend Liberals.

As if nothing had happened.

Which is why, on Sundays, no on even bothers to call out Republicans for being liars and hypocrites anymore: Because we have reached a point where the horrifying fact that the GOP is run by degenerates and traitors is just shrugged off and accepted as a given.

Doesn’t mean a fucking thing because coming out and finished a sentence by saying “…and having the War Party being run by liars and hypocrites and idiots and Armageddonists is a really, really, really, really, bad thing for America” somehow violates the voodoo of Journalistic Seriousness and Objectivity which has mesmerized and lobotomized the MSM.

It doesn’t have anything to do with the horse-race.

It isn’t poll-able.

So it doesn’t exist.

Which is why, on Fox News Sunday

The Administration can float a story about…wait for it…

Chris Wallace: What about rumors of Syrian Nukes! Made with North Korean help! Like Shake-N-Bake!

Oh Boy!

Roberts Gates: Can’t talk about that. But any such a thing would be frown upon by the Decider Guy.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how a story is planted.

And on “Meet the Press” John McCain can simply lie his ossified ass off…

McCain: General Jones said setting a date for withdrawal would be a disaster! You can look it up!

John Kerry: No one is saying withdrawal. No one is saying surrender. We need to change the equation.

McCain: Yes you are!


Russert: If the majority of the Americans and the majority of Congress want out, can you sustain a war?

McCain: Not forever, but we are succeeding militarily. The reason we succeeded in Anbar is that we had 4,000 Marines to send there.

While over on “This Week” , even though exactly the same verbs and nouns are in play, it really was like watching teevee from a parallel Universe.

One where, at least for a moment, these kinds of words came out of people’s mouths…

Fareed Zakaria: We’re going to keep going full speed right of the cliff because no one is planning how to do and orderly strategic withdrawal from Iraq

Fareed: We have no leverage. Maliki has been told you have a blank check of unlimited support forever. And then we ask him will you pretty please if you’ll do what we want.

Martha Raddatz: You cannot say that the Surge caused success in Anbar. We arrived long after progress had been made. And local Sunnis are more Tony Soprano than anything else. That wasn’t surge. That wasn’t the military. That was locals getting sick of AQ and tossing them out, and then us moving in with old fashioned diplomacy.

Raddatz: This Administration does nothing but talk about chaos!chaos!chaos!

Fareed: When people say “Bad things will happen” [If we leace] I ask, “Where have you been for the last four years?”

And this is possible because Martha Raddatz is talking to the inhabitants of the Real World, where all the hell on Earth that was warned against is now coming to pass.

While John McCain is pandering to the inhabitants of the Conservative World; moral freaks who are pissing themselves in terror and running in circles in their bunkers screaming for Army Group Steiner to save them.

And to win their votes, candidates for their office of the New Dear Leader will tell the idiot children of Neocon Kid Nation

whatever they want to hear.


Anonymous said...

OMG Ponies for President.

Figbash said...

Conservativism is not their ideology; it is their alibi.

Best. Frame. Ever.

Anonymous said...

Too good, Drift. I mean; literally, too good.

That "comment" number of "2", ought to followed by at least 3 zeroes, just this morning.

That it isn't, is a mark of how far we've sunk.

Ivory Bill Woodpecker said...

It's "just a given" that Drifty will flay the hide off the degenerates and traitors who now control the GOP. :)

Anonymous said...

"...He has broken an entire country...."

yes he has, and that country is America and it happend on 9/12/01 when Dear Leader choose to lie this country into a war of aggression while wiping his ass with the Constitution

Bill of Rights? so pre-9/11, Dear Leader can label you an "enemy combatant", lock you up and throw away the keys

equal branchs of government and separation of powers? so pre-9/11, we have a "unitary executive" [king] now

and for a final act the economic shit is about to hit the fan

L.S./M.F.T said...

Wow! Excellent, excellent post, Brother Drifty!

It's really two and a half countries this crime family have broken. Afghanistan is the one broke by half because it didn't stay in the forefront of the region's conflict long enough to get the full, "American Plan", (See, "Viet Nam, 1945-1975" for details), America has been dealt a hideous, crippling, blow as well but isn't dead yet as there's still some money in the Royal Treasury yet to be pilfered. Then there's Iraq as the third member of this triumvirate of brokenness we're looking at here. Iraq is both broke and busted and exists in name only, with the occupation holding it together like a trellis, but that won't last too much longer. It's three major regions could be assimilated by it's contiguous neighbors without too much trouble and all this economic experimentation on it's citizenry will be forgotten, since a majority of the populace doesn't speak english and won't be allowed a visa to enter the US, no-one will hear about how badly Conservatism fucked up their country.

It's a shame that the average American won't be able to get a glimpse into the crystal ball of economics to see how... Evil??? Conservatism really is and what's in store for America if these scumbags stay installed in DC for too much longer, whether they're in power or lurking behind the scenes doesn't matter, their very presence is a threat to the, "American Way of Life".

One small plus: The economic failure of Iraq, puts to rest, as pure fantasy, any late-night discussions about the merits of either Conservativism, Libertopianism or anything else even vaguely associated with Ayn Rand or any think-tank-isms anywhere. WITH prejudice. There are no more, "If only's", any more. They had their Golden Opportunity to make, or rather re-make, Iraq- Year Zero, work and it failed utterly. Like a Lead Balloon. Sadly, that's what's awaiting America as the third part of this Troika if we let anyone of those responsible for Iraq, Iraq Incorporated or the Privatizing of America, into 'America LLC', either, to be within even telephoning distance of Washington DC, we'll live to regret it.


Peter Patau said...

And, hey -- if the Rethugs succeed in their idea of dividing the presidential vote up proportionally among electors in the Electoral College (ONLY for California, giving them another 20 or so), then Neocon Kid Nation might keep this thing going for another 4 or 8 years! You've gotta salute enterprise like that.

Anonymous said...

Brilliant. You just keep nailing them.

If you ever write a book, just let me know where to send the check. You're that good...


Anonymous said...

Your writing is at its best when you are in a bad fucking mood.

Anonymous said...

But without the sheltering harbor of their ideology to explain away their reeking villainy, they are just a scow-load of weak, hobbled, vampires becalmed under a merciless noon sun.

Goldang, Mr. Driftglass! You use your keyboard a sight purttier than a 6-digit-income media whore!

As always, deeply envious.

Anonymous said...

I saw the classic confrontation on MTP, with McCain looking like a complete loon. Kerry, I was happy to see, FINALLY directly took on one of Bush's main excuses for staying in Iraq: that Al Qaeda will "take over" if U.S. forces leave. He pointed out, rightly, that both the Shia and the Kurds hate AQ, and the Sunnis only put up with them because they engage in attacks on U.S. troops. All three would be perfectly willing and capable of getting rid of AQ on their own if we were not there. At least it was a start. The round table on "This Week" also was showing some sanity.

driftglass said...

Many thanks for the kind words.

Now off the headfake minotaurs in the analog world.

Professional Left Podcast #608

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