Tuesday, June 26, 2007

The Sekrit Plan to win in Iraq


Rename the joint.

Glenn Greenwald called it in his Salon article “Everyone we fight in Iraq is now "al-Qaida". And because Glenn deals only in gospel, ladled out in shapely, well-turned prose, it gives one pause to wonder what Dubya’s Big Plan is come the Great September Beat Down.

And, given this Administration’s long and ludicrous history of trying to retrofit reality so that it dovetails with previously told lies, how far fetched is it that Chancellor Cheney will just rename the place?

So with Iraq then renamed to Al-Qaedonia (Capital: “Over There”. Major imports: bales of American tax dollars, Halliburton employees, US troops. Major export: Republican talking points, lies, chaos, dead and injured American soldiers, conservative millionaires, refugees.) our Chancellor and his Dear Leader can resume waxing poetic about fighting the Al-Qaedenizens and Al-Qaedanites “Over There”.

Ridding the world of Islamofascism starting in its home town of the newly christened “Islamofascidelphia” and taking on the Taliban where they live; the freshly-minted supervillain metropolis of "Talibansylvania".

And if you need any further evidence that faggy Liberals are providing aid and comfort to the enemy, just look how close their treasure city of “Gaytopia” is to both Mosul (New Pelocity) and the Iranian border!

When that fails, 1.3 friedman units from now, Chancellor Cheney will use his magic, transfinite, triluminary, red Kryptonite, uber-factotum powers to implement his next plan: Every Al-Qaedonia male between the age of 11 and 95 will now be called “Osama bin Laden”.

And we will finally kill that bastard.

And then kill him again.

And again.

Like the Leonard Shelby character in “Memento”, we will derive our sole, deranged purpose from hunting and killing the same proxy monster over and over and over again, and feel the hot thrill of righteous vengeance every time we spill his blood.

And we will not stop until the corpses of Al-Qaedonian “bin Ladens” and dead American soldiers are stacked high enough to blot out the sun.

11 comments:

Ivory Bill Woodpecker said...

The late, great Molly Ivins wrote a column some time back in which she described a technique for breaking a dog of killing chickens. One ties a dead chicken around the dog's neck and just lets it hang there and stink and rot off. That dog will never kill another chicken.

She then stated that she thought the second Bush administration would work like a dead chicken around the necks of those USAmericans responsible for its ascension to power; that is, they would never vote Republican again.

I hope she proves correct.

Anonymous said...

Pah, IBW. If the republican-voting populace had a sense of smell they never would have voted for him in the first place.

Ivory Bill Woodpecker said...

OK, that might indeed prove a problem, as the RVPs don't seem to have much sense of any sort. ;)

Ivory Bill Woodpecker said...

Drifty, I just thought of this. With some asshole(s) trying to shut down Shakesville, might it be time for "I am Spartacus" again?

Anonymous said...

drifty- did you sit in on a briefing? This is exactly what those fucknozzles (TM) will do!

Anonymous said...

And we will not stop until the corpses of Al-Qaedonian “bin Ladens” and dead American soldiers are stacked high enough to blot out the sun.

You got that right. I see the cornered Cheney and his neocon friends starting another war by the end of summer.
This game being played with the Palestinians is the spark they'll use to claim to be under attack.

Anonymous said...

Cee; who they gonna use to start the war? Our military is getting to the point that they don't want to be getting shot and maimed to cover bush and the GOP's asses to try to give them time to GTF out of Dodge in 2008, and to dump the flaming shitbag in the dems laps.

I'm just hoping that Petraeus loves our armed forces and the truth more than he loves that next star, and that, come September, he walks out from behind the koolaid stand and says:

"I'm not selling anymore of this bullshit."

AND THEN, unlike Powell, he resigns.

Hey! It could happen. :o)

Anonymous said...

Also, too many powerful interests are edging toward the gangplank.

You think Wall St. wants to see oil at a $120 ppb?

Think the conger-repubs want to be running in 2008 with the pump price at $4 or $5 a gallon? (If we're lucky...)

Think the Saudis who give millions to Hamas, want to see a full-on Isreali war against them in Lebanon? They'll shut off THEIR oil tap so fast and so tight, there won't be enough vaseline on the drugstore shelves to get a toothpick up george bush's ass.

Think Chavez, down in Venezuela will stay out of THAT petro-dogpile? :o)

That's bush's problem, as far as starting a mid-east war, in which to enfold the bloody fuckup that he's already created, goes. Too many powerful people want no part of it.

We're already getting to the point that the republicans are clearly starting to see that george bush's "legacy" and their own, are two VERY different things.

We NEED to keep an eye on these fuckers, and we need to be some paranoid, but, a year from now, the GOP's throwing people under the bus is going to be an Olympic sport. :o)

The Goldwater "chef-squad" is gonna barbecue george bush and the p-borgs' asses (thanks, Drift... :o)) on the white house lawn, and they'll be selling the "sandwiches" like it was a redneck family re-union for the whole fucking country. :o)

(C'mere, Myrtle June...them things real?)

You just bring the beer and popcorn, y'hear? :o)

Anonymous said...

I hope they don't rely on a bus. I want them to throw him out of the bomb bay (is that what it is called?) of whatever aircraft he is planning to use to bomb Iran. And do it tonight.

Anonymous said...

The Animaniacs could run a better war. Yakko for President in '08!

Anonymous said...

All hail Anvilania! Long may her anvils ring!