Sunday Morning Comin’ Down

Republican Alternate Mirror Universe

Edition.

Because to understand the mind of the loyal Republican, one must understand that the Republican Mirrorverse, and only the Republican Mirrorverse, is what they have been trained like attack dogs to see around them

And everything makes perfect sense in the Mirrorverse.

Every one of their deformed prejudices and absurd superstitions is reasonable and normal there. There, up is down. War is Peace. The Surge is working.

The Mission was Accomplished.

We were greeted as Liberators.

The War was righteous and necessary.

Fox is "News".

Dubya's a genius.

And Rudy Giuliani is a Family Values Conservative.

On "Fox News …" — Rudy Giuliani.

Rudy (on abortion.): I’ll select strict constructionist judges and not make abortion a litmus test.

Wallace: But how do you feel about it?

Rudy: I feel many different ways. Many contradictory ways. I contain legions. Or lesions. Instead I’ll choose judges who read the Constitution. Who understand the Constitution has many, many words in it. Words that mean things. Words with funny, old timey spelling where the letter “s” looks a lot like the letter “f”,

So no judge I appoint will ever confuse “flapping: and “slapping”.

“Sledgling” and “fledgling”.

“Fucking” and “sucking”.

driftglass: But you are not the fucking President. So insofar as you are not in a position to appoint judges, what you believe is actually germane to the discussion of what kind of Preznit you would be.

Rudy: You have to respect other people who have different opinions.

driftglass: Really? Because without a vast, abiding hatred of everyone and everything that disagrees with them to bind them together, there is no Republican Party.

Wallace: Well if you won’t answer my question about fresh peas, what about the frozen kind? Do you think an embryocicle is a life.

Rudy: Rights must be balanced. I respect everyone’s right to believe everything except when they’re wrong or won’t vote for me.

Wallace: Yeah but is it or isn’t it?

Rudy: I will trust the opinions of the fetuses on the ground and not politicians back in Washington to something something.

Shorter Rudy: I believe nothing. I stand for nothing. I am an ideological brood parasite. I lay my eggs in the nests of others and hope they will be raised as purebred Republicans. I will hire experts and do what they tell me to do.

In other words, Rudy will institutionalize the “Buck Stops Nowhere” CEO Presidential philosophy of George Dubya Bush that got us stranded in Iraq.

Wallace: So if you have no fixed principles, then all we have to go on is your moral compass and “character”. And some say you’re, y’know, a sleazy degenerate pervert.

Rudy: 9/11/9/11/9/11. Oh and let he who is without sin cast the first 9/11/9/11/9/11.


Wallace: Would you consider change the current rigid, intolerant GOP Platform, which was originally drafted in 567 A.D.?

Rudy: I won’t have anything to do with the platform.

Rudy (On Iraq): Predicting failure causes failure. Maybe that’s the Democrats problem all along. You don’t predict failure because that makes it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

driftglass: Really? Well then I predict that Rudy will be the GOP nominee and that he will fail. Spec---tac---ularly.

Y’all can thank me next November.

Rudy: Democrats want to go back to a pre-9/11/9/11/9/11 mindset. Now they want to give our enemies a timetable for our retreat. Anyone who is proposing a timetable for our retreat is fundamentally irresponsible. No military in the history of the world has ever had a timetable for retreat.

driftglass: No military in the history of the world has ever achieved “victory” when it could not define what the Hell victory looks like.

No military in the history of the world succeeded when it had no fucking clue what its objectives are. See, that’s why they are called objectives . Flip over any faux Libertarian rock and ask any Randite if you need a further definition of the term. The Republican Party has taken the military hostage and is now demanding they achieve ”subjectives”. This is truly irresponsible and dangerous behavior.


Wallace: It sounds like from gun control to immigration to abortion, you had one opinion as Mayor of New York and now have another opinion as Presidential candidate.

Rudy: 9/11/9/11/9/11.




"This Week" -- Barack Obama.

Obama: Its not just talking tough. Nobody has talked tougher than George Bush. It means being tough, and not just talking about it all the time. I mean it is not their (the military’s) faulty that their civilian leadership are a bunch of corrupt, incompetent fucknozzles.

True enough. The fault lies squarely at the clove hooves of the GOP Base.

It’s been said before but bears repeating; to service their partisan demons, George Bush and the GOP are now simply holding the military hostage.

Until they are stopped cold, in order to cover their lies and to protect the Dear Leader’s aura of infallibility, the GOP will keeping burning down the goalposts, smashing the rulers and busting the clocks. Keep doubling down on Dick and George’s Excellent Iraqi Adventure with other people’s lives and fortunes. The GOP will keep our kids bare-assed in Hell forever because, in the end, Republicans will always choose Party over country, partisan gain over patriotic honesty, and the vanity and ego of their Dear Leader over the recklessly maiming or killing of a grunt.

Or a million grunts.

Obama: There are no good options in Iraq. There are bad options and worse options.



"Face the Nation" — Sen. Chuck Hagel, R-Neb.


Hagel: This is a civil sectarian war. Yes, al-Qaida is there, but this is a civil war and it is disappointing that some in this Administration keeps insisting that this is a major front in the War on Terrorism. It is not.

“Disappointing” is an odd word for high crimes and treachery.


So was this a rerun?

No. Tragically it just seems that way. The same people saying essentially the same thing they were six months ago. A year ago. Two years ago, Three years ago.

And until is becomes a source of shame to be a Conservative -- until the Republican Party is flogged back into the segregationist evangelical cesspit from whence it came -- this will never end.

On "Meet the Press" — John McCain babbles and grins and humps the camera.

He can be seen here being interviewed by KTLA earlier in the week

before he had a chance to get into makeup and get his anger management meds properly adjusted.

(Runs long so nip it after a minute.)

McCain: If we fail in Iraq we’ll have to partition bedrooms!

(No kidding. He said that)

McCain (On was this war a bad idea): If we had succeeded and done everything right we’d all be applauding. Now because of our failures people are all skittish and 20/20 hindsighty.

McCain: Every intelligence agency in the world. Blah blah blah. Had WMDs before. Blah blah blah. Oil for food. Blah blah blah.

One long disproved, discredited GOP talking point after another unspools effortlessly from McCain’s mouth like a ticker tape.

McCain: I went over there shortly after “Victory” day and there weren’t enough troops then and we were making bad decisions then.

For a guy who says that he despises Rummy with every breath in his body, he sure has adopted the Rummyspeak method “Ignore the question – Ask your own question – Answer it, as patronizingly as possible” seamlessly.

Russert: But if the Congress of the United States and the Iraqi Parliament have spoken. That’s not a poll; that is the voice of the people.

Purple fingers, bitches!

McCain: I know how Democracy works. I saw it Vietnam! I saw it in Vietnam! They predicted that there’d be a Worker’s Paradise when we left, but after we left thousands of people were killed.

driftglass: So…we should never have left Vietnam?

Wow.

Shorter McCain: Democracy is a fucking joke.

McCain: I talked to a lot of people. Bought an Orange Julius and funnel cake. And as long as they were under hundreds of American guns, attack helicopters screaming overhead, uparmored Hummers flanking the entire market, the Iraqis told me -- surprise! -- what a fabulous job we Americans were doing.

Russert: But after your circus left town reporters went back and interviewed vendors and shopkeepers. Actual Iraqis that live and work there. They said you were out of your friggin mind. That you must’ve been huffing Cheney’s Depends to believe the shit you were slinging in the press the next day.

McCain: Pish and tosh. Also nonsense. Everything was great. Everything is getting better all the time. Do you know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Iraq?

Russert: But you had a fucking army around you.

McCain: I had an armed escort because that’s what General Petraeus, said we needed it. I’m not afraid. And I’ll walk anywhere, anytime. Nothing scares me. Things are not perfect there, but they are getting better!

driftglass: How about walking south until you hit the Cayman trench?

Russert: But things aren’t better. Suicide bombing are up, not down.

McCain: Suicide bombings have gone up because that’s how you get publicity. They’re really hard to stop. Really, really hard.

Russert: But people in your own Party are starting to head for the exits.

McCain: You know trying to make anything out of the fickle “will of the people” is a waste of time. People are morons. Their opinions are ridiculous.

(for you purists, his actual words are here.)

Russert: No, I’m talking about people in your Party. Loyal Republicans who are finally sobering up and noticing that letting Little Boots run amok for the last six years was maybe not such a brilliant idea.

McCain: I don’t care if every Republican eventually abandons the Magic Surge. I know everything about everything. I have studied all of history. All of war. I have gathered unto myself all knowledge in the Universe and if Physics or Causality or Creation itself oppose me then Creation and Physics and Causality must be wrong.

Longer McCain: The Tall Tale Fart

True! nervous, very, very dreadfully nervous I had been and am; but why WILL you say that I am mad?

The disease had sharpened my senses, not destroyed, not dulled them. Above all was the sense of hearing acute. I heard all things in the heaven and in the earth. I heard many things in hell. How then am I mad? Hearken! and observe how healthily, how calmly, I can tell you the whole story.

It is impossible to say how first the idea entered my brain, but, once conceived, it haunted me day and night. Object there was none. Passion there was none. I loved the old country. It had never wronged me. It had never given me insult. For its gold I had no desire. I think it was Smirk! Yes, it was this! Draft-ducking, silver spoon sucking, frat boy, pinheaded sot who cheated his way into the White House and now sits there smirking. Whenever the Smirk fell upon me my blood ran cold, and so by degrees, very gradually, I made up my mind to take the Oval Office of the lying codpiece, and thus rid myself of the Smirk for ever.

Now this is the point. You fancy me mad. Madmen know nothing. But you should have seen me. You should have seen how wisely I proceeded -- with what caution -- with what foresight, with what dissimulation, I went to work!

I was never more supportive of the Smirk than during the whole year before I tried to replaced him.
…

McCain: I’ll be glad to walk through that market -- Or the fires of Hell!!! -- with or without military protection.

driftglass: Please do. Please.

Russert (on ethanol. Or was it gin?): Once upon a time you said “Screw ethanol and everybody that looks like ethanol!” Now, in the Iowa Primary, you love, love, luuuurve ethanol. So you’ve changed your mind?

McCain: No. I did not change my mind. I have adapted to the changing situation.

Recto McCain: I change my mind when conditions and contexts change. That’s what’ll make me such an awesome Preznit!

Verso McCain: I will never change my mind regardless how conditions and contexts change. That’s what’ll make me such an awesome Preznit!




Rudy: What McCain said! Or maybe not.