West Wing Story – Act 3

In which a Bush Regime Dead Ender tries to weasel, beg, whine and threaten his out of the subpoenas that will soon be falling like April showers over the GOP Treachery Machine.


Senator Leahy

Bush Regime Dead Ender:

Dear kindly Senator Leahy,
You gotta understand,
It's just our fuckin’ up-ke
That gets us out of hand.
Our mothers all are pundits,
Our fathers all are Johns.
Golly Moses, of course we're Neocons!

Dead Ender Chorus:

Gee, Senator Leahy, we're very distraught;
We were promised in 2000 that we’d never get caught.
We ain't mere delinquents,
We're hardcore traitors.
Deep down inside us we are whores!

Bush Regime Dead Ender:

We are whores!

Dead Ender Chorus:

We are whores, we are whores,
We are top-shelf whores!
Even the least of us are utter whores!

The Ghost of Spiro Agnew:

That's a touchin' good story.

Bush Regime Dead Ender:

Lemme tell it to the world!

The Ghost of Spiro Agnew:

Just tell it to the judge.

Bush Regime Dead Ender:

Dear kindly Judge, your Honor,
Your “activism” sucks.
We’ll have to get you fired,
And replaced by loyal fucks.
I was supposed to be untouchable,
But somehow I was served.
Leapin' lizards! That's why I'm so unnerved!

Judge:

Right!

Senator Leahy, you're really a square;
This thug don't need a judge, he needs a spin-doctor’s care!
His raging psychosis can never be healed.
And so the news must be concealed!

Bush Regime Dead Ender:

Be concealed!

Dead Ender Chorus:

Be concealed, be concealed,
Behind the Fox News shield.
News of it must be concealed!

Judge:

In the opinion on this court, this man ain’t right on account he’s Conservative.

Bush Regime Dead Ender:

Hey, I'm ain’t right on account I'm hard Right.

Judge:

So take him to a Rightwing Evangelist.

Bush Regime Dead Ender:

My father is a Klansman,
My ma's a raging bitch
My grandpa's backed the Nazis,
My grandma married rich
My sister is a dykie
My brother dodged the War
That's why I’m GOP right to the core!

Rightwing Evangelist:

Yes!

Senator Leahy, you're really a prig.
This boy don't need a Dobson, he needs a sweet White House gig.
Conservatives bred him without any love
In other words a perfect little Rove!

Bush Regime Dead Ender:

I'm a Karl!

Dead Ender Chorus:

We are Karls, we are Karls,
We’re all fucking Karls.
All bile and back-stabbing and snarls!

Rightwing Evangelist:

In my opinion, this loaf of pickled malevolence don't need to have any more Jebus than he’s already got. Republican treachery is purely a Liberal invention!

Bush Regime Dead Ender:

Hey, I got a Liberal invention!

Rightwing Evangelist:

So take him to Hate Radio!

Bush Regime Dead Ender:

Dear kindly Wingnut DJ,
al-Qaeda’s underneath your bed!
Liberals won’t let me fight ‘em
They subpoena me instead.
They’re all a buncha Commies,
They’re also burning flags
Holy Trotsky! That's why I'm anti-fags!

Wingnut DJ:

Senator Leahy, you Liberal louse.
This boy don't need a mike, he needs a term in the House.
Sure deep down inside him there is no there there;
But damn it, he’s got Presidential Hair!

Bush Regime Dead Ender:

I look the part!

Dead Ender Chorus:

We look the part, look the part!
Yes we look the part,
And the Base is really none too smart!

Because…

Dubya, he's crazy.
Dubya, he drinks.
Dubya, he's lazy.
Dubya, he stinks.
Dubya, he's psycho.
Dubya, he's a fool.

Which doesn’t matter when the Base are inbred tools!

So, Senator Leahy,
We're down on all fours,
What’s it gonna takes to let us walk out those doors?
Or Senator Leahy,
How ‘bout a nice aide?
C’mon, Senator Leahy,
Let’s trade!