The Phuquetard Buddha

Cross posted over at The News Blog.

“Peace comes from within. Which is why we need bunker busting nukes to get at it.” -- sayings of the Phuquetard Buddha (Also known as the Guantanamo Buddha.)

If you ever wake up and find yourself in the middle of a holy war -- involuntarily or otherwise -- it is advisable strategery to get ahold of the local maps and read 'em hurryupquick.

To get the lay of the land, and understand the dogmatic shape and size of the orbits your enemies.

And in the theopolitical headspace of the followers of Phuquetard Buddhism -- those lunatics and mouthbreathers who wage a fulminating 24/7 culture war on everyone one inch Left of Sean Hannity and one head smarter that Doug Feith

“Whatever, after due examination and analysis, you find to be kind, conducive to the good, the benefit, the welfare of all beings…kill it immediately and sell its children for beer money.” -- sayings of the Phuquetard Buddha

-- there is only the Perfect, Eternal, Conservative Now.

There is no “future”.

No tomorrow.

There is no imaginary place down the timestream where the consequences of doing immensely reckless, stupid things might catch up with us.

And because there is no such place, people who persist in trying to apply “logic” or “common sense” or “causality” or “reason” or any variety of thinking that would generally not be associated with “massive head trauma, multigenerational inbreeding or gas sipping” in some linear, temporal way to show that decisions made in the perfect, eternal, Conservative Now might come with a terrible price down the road…

…are obviously traitors and terrorist lovers.

Their agenda is obviously Al Qaeda's agenda.

“A generous heart is…available on the Thai black market for the right price. I’ve got seven on dry ice in the White House mess just in case, plus the CardioBot 5000 that my pals at Halliburton knocked together for me.” -- sayings of the Phuquetard Buddha

For the Phuquetard Buddhist there is also no “past”. What happened five years ago, five weeks ago, five days ago or five minutes ago isn't simply irrelevant; except in cases of Democratic blowjobs and bad land deals, the “past” does not exist at all.

Because if it did, it would be bursting at the seams with all kinds of scary stuff. Like Dirty Hippies talking about the “future” and being shouted down as traitors and terrorist lovers.

Like the leaders of the GOP lying over and over and over again.

Confident/shrill pronouncements about the turning of corners and even louder and shriller pronouncement about the disloyalty those who point out that the makers of those shrill pronouncements have been wrong about ever single fucking thing.

So when the only product you have to sell is toxic, and the only leverage you have on Monday to move product is people’s fear and gullibility…

…by Wednesday you will come to require their willful ignorance...

…and by Friday you will begin to demand it.

And this is the terrible dynamic the GOP have roped themselves into.

That to survive they have become The People of the Lie.

A band of the corrupt and insane who cannot -- dare not -- tell the truth about…anything anymore. Anything. And for whom the past six years have truly been a sifting process.

“All suffering comes from indictment” -- sayings of the Phuquetard Buddha

In six short years, the Right has compounded their own lies so many times with so much vigorish in human lives and suffering. They have held the military hostage for so long now – alternately treating them like slaves and ass paper, while cowering behind them shrieking that any who speak ill of the Dear Leader are terrorsymps who hate the men and women in uniform, whenever they need to shut down honest debate. They have spent us so broke in treasure and reputation, that I do not exaggerate when I say that you can no longer be a Good American and a Good Republican.

Because while it is one thing to make poor decisions because you are not in possession of all the facts, it is entirely another thing to run screaming from the facts.

To hide from the facts in your Mommy’s basement like a Yellow Elephant dodging an Army recruiter, and then to slime the hell out of anyone who tries to sneak a few facts into you Cheetohs.

“Avoid aiming at anything less than the ruin of others.” -- sayings of the Phuquetard Buddha.

The Party of Lincoln has been abandoned to the cowards, the looters, the monsters and the insane. There is nothing left at its hollow heart. No place left for it to go but deeper into the abyss of doctrinally willful ignorance and the aggressively unexamined life.

No one left steering the ship but the acolytes of the Guantanamo Buddha who look neither forward nor back, but train their tiny, beautiful minds to live only in the perfect, eternal Conservative Now, which is why they cannot allow this “past” thingie to exist.

Because if it did, it might track its muddy, bloody, impeachable footprints right back into the Present and all over their nice, Lysol-fresh, perfect, eternal, Conservative Now.

“Right conduct is to form a proper livelihood to prosper by. Preferably something indoors, in the petroleum industry, with obscenely high margins, where your lies can topple governments and send a lot of people off to die, and yet you never go to jail.” -- sayings of the Phuquetard Buddha.

Just like those Dirty Hippies who, years ago, kept referencing some imaginary “future” and talking about “consequences” of invading Iraq, these Dirty Hippies who keep harping on the “past” and talking about “evidence” are obviously equally traitorous, and equally bent on helping terrorists destroy America.

What the Dirty Hippies traitors refuse to comprehend is that Time and Truth are Liberal Illusions.

There is no “future” full of pain and failure. There is no “past” full of lies and hypocrisy.

There is only the Phuquetard Buddhist Present within which all words of the Dear Leader glow with a special light of truthiness, and all decisions are glorious and sinless and perfect and pure, and will be so forever and ever.

Because nothing exists outside of the Conservative Now.

Which will always be -- Perfectly and Eternally – exactly one friedman long.

“To conquer oneself is a greater task than conquering others. But conquering others is a fuck of a lot more profitable.” -- sayings of the Phuquetard Buddha.