Just to clarify

For any concern trolls, time traveling historians from a Better World, cultural Rip Van Winkles, aliens among us trying to pass as human, humans among us trying to pass as alien, Zealoti, Sarduakar, absent-minded deities, recently evolved bears or Republicans who might chance across this…

We did not go to war in Iraq because Uday and Qusay Hussein were evil motherfuckers.

I have no doubt that they were, but we never, ever had a debate that began

“Resolved: we will dispatch half a million American fighting men and women half a planet away in order to invade, conquer, decapitate and occupy the sovereign nation of Iraq because Uday and Qusay Hussein are evil motherfuckers.”

That never happened, and trying pretend that killing these fucks and hanging their Daddy – while terrific items to check off of any planetary “Better Dead” list -- had anything whatsoever to do with waging the largest, most bloody, most expensive and most monumentally fucked up war since Vietnam is the most “dumpster fire rat” desperate act of lying and hypocrisy I can imagine.

And then to cook up another steaming bowl of Fake Wingnut indignation when intelligent people dare to be outraged at your lies?

Who the fuck do you think you’re fooling?

Do you really think it would have somehow been cool that you burned down Pittsburgh because, hey, got rid of the roaches didn’t it?

That you flattened London, but Jack the Ripper is in the rubble…so STFU Liberal!!!

I mean I know Fox teevee and Hate Radio have spent decades and millions of dollars training mouthbreathers to think they can bluff their way right past anyone noticing that they are deceitful weasels who haven’t the slightest fucking clue what they’re talking about IF THEY’RE JUST SHOUTYCRACKERS LOUD ENOUGH, but, see, that only works when you control the microphone.

And have a pliant, boneless Mainstream Media.

And when can hire a ball-less Cabbage Patch “Liberal” like Alan Combes to be your tackling dummy.

None of which are true here.

So for any stoopids in the audience, I will type it

v-e-r-y

s-l-o-w-l-y.

We did not go to war in Iraq because Uday and Qusay or Cousin Ixnay or Uncle Atinlay were evil motherfuckers.

We went to war in Iraq because this guy



Said this guy




Was about five minutes away from making

one of these.


Which he was then going to hand over to this guy

Because they were practically terrorist reacharound buddies.


And he would then take out this place.



Or maybe this place


Although based on the way Homeland Security money gets larded around, this

is apparently the most likely target.


And we would never have to worry about the price tag, because this guy

Said it could be done for Mere!Pennies!A!Day!.


And we wouldn’t have to worry about the number troops, because this guy

said we could do it with a cast of dozens, a thousand daisy cutters, some CGI and friendly press.

The same guy also said we didn’t need to worry about finding WMDs, because he knew exactly where they were.


That we wouldn’t have to worry about an insurgency because this guy said we’d be

greeted with flowers and sweets.

Insurgency, insmurgency. It’ll be Death Throes and Purple Fangers, bitches!

Because the idea that the Sunni and Shia might, y’know, fucking hate each other and (with us clumsily, ignorantly striking matches in the gas-filled basement) would unleash hell on Earth was just a silly sociological fiction that we should just not even worry about.

At least that’s what this guy

said.


Granted there wasn’t much of a debate because anyone who was not an absolute cheerleader – who asked anything remotely resembling a tough question, or raised anything like a warning about the future of Bush’s war -- was immediately called out as a traitor and a terrorist lover…

…by the very same people who now say that anyone is a traitor and a terrorist lover who dares to tell the simple facts about the history of Bush’s war.


Well the worms are having their merry way with Uday and Qusay now, and that is just fine with me.

But the killing these two evil motherfuckers is not and never was the war we were sold.

Killing these two evil motherfuckers is not and never was even the pivot on which the war turned.

Killing these two evil motherfuckers is not what we were asked to expend thousands of American lives, hundreds of thousand of Iraqi lives, and hundreds of billions of our tax dollars to purchase.

When it is written, the abridged history of Iraq will be simple and terrible: We were deliberately lied into a disastrous war by Republican fanatics. That war was then turned into the biggest clusterfuck in memory by Republican ideologues in the single most spectacular display of greed, hubris and incompetence in modern history.

And through it all the morally hydroencephalic Conservative base – who had screamed at 1 million decibels every single fucking day for eight straight years for the blood of a Democratic President, over trivia, and in the name of the Inviolability of the Law, the Dignity of the Office and the Sanctity of the Constitution – predictably never said a fucking word.

Instead they spent the rest of their worthless lives inventing ever more bizarre, ridiculous, transparent lies and Rube Goldberg (Jonah's uncle) conspiracy theories to try to rationalize away their own cowardice and complicity in the high crimes and treasons their own leaders premeditatedly committed without batting an eye.

Instead they just clapped louder and call their betters names.

Because in the Age of Dubya, you can either be a Good American or a Good Republican.

But you can no longer be both.