In which Joementum predicts Joemageddon if everyone doesn’t Shut the Fuck Up and do exactly what the Decider tells them to do.
Oh and the Bears won.
At least that’s what the press reports, although I expect to hear that the problem at Soldier Field was really that the media refuses to report all the good news about the Sea Hawks.
All the balls they didn't fumble.
All the times they didn't hold.
Fucking liberal sports media.
Dick Cheney is A Portion for Fox News today.
Wallace does push back a little bit on Cheney’s blobby evil. Mind you, Wallace is never going to commit premeditated journalism on one of his GOP Paylords, but I must admit Lassie did at least yip some today at Evil Timmy. A leeetle bit. Subaudibly. But still.
Preznit Speech. Why not more troops? Why depend on the Loser Iraqis?
Cheney : This is not an All US Show. We’ll hand shit over when the time is right.
Wallace: Will the US do “whatever it takes to win?”
Cheney : Yep. Its just part of a Global War (on Terra).
Cheney : Since 9/11…ding ding ding.
Man, I never, ever thought anyone could chew all the blood and tears out of that tragedy, but these ghouls have almost managed it.
Cheney : Remember what Bin Laden’s strategy is…
driftglass: Bin Who? Oh yeah! He's that guy the Preznit “isn’t worried about”. That you let go.
Wallace: Mr. Veep, why should we believe you?
Cheney : Well remember when we were four years ago. Saddam is dead. His kids…dead. His dog…dead. Life is good.
Wallace: But this is the plan that didn't work before? Why will it work now?
Cheney : No war goes smoothly.
The Preznit always says he does what the commanders say. Gen Abizaid said, “Fuck No!” when asked. Why did you overrule the commanders?
Cheney : We didn’t overrule them. Up is down. Black is white. Mommy likes to get her teeth knocked in. Go back to sleep. These are not the 'droids you are looking for.
Wallace: But…
Cheney : Shut the fuck up, Chris.
Wallace: Yassa, Boss.
Cheney : (Now that we have sacked everyone who disagreed with our lunatic scheme) this New Plan has the support of the commanders. Malaki has been a disappointment, but its all good now. Time will tell.
Wallace: What do we do if Malaki fucks up?
Cheney : I’m not gonna get into that. We’re focused on making this plan work.
Cheney : Congress has been very important. They have made an excellent potty seat so far. Spectacular foot massagers. Also Boehner gives a helluva rusty trombone. He may not be Speaker, but he's still Chief Reacher-Arounder
Cheney : The Preznit is the Commander in Chief. You cannot run a war by committee.
driftglass: But you can run it with a monster puppeteering an imbecile.
Cheney : I have yet to hear a coherent policy out of the Democrats. We’d just revalidate Bin Laden. They have an obligation to put forward a blah blah blah.
Cheney : The most dangerous this to do now would be to dissipate our Global Conflict. Or our bodily fluids. Or something.
Cheney : This is an Existential Policy. We must prevail. Chuck Hagel is an ass.
Actual transcript for the stinkin' purists:
WALLACE: The president and you have repeatedly said that you are on the path to victory, sometimes proposing exactly the opposite policy of what the president did this week. Let’s take a look.
BUSH: Sending more Americans would undermine our strategy of encouraging Iraqis to take the lead in this fight.
BUSH: Not only can we win the war in Iraq, we are winning the war in Iraq.
BUSH: Will we be nimble enough? Will we be able to deal with the circumstances on the ground, and the answer is yes, we will.
BUSH: Absolutely we’re winning.
WALLACE: Mr. Vice President, why should we believe that this time you’ve got it right?
CHENEY: If you look at what’s transpired in Iraq, Chris, we have in fact made enormous progress.
Wallace: Haven’t you ignored the expressed will of the American people.
Cheney: No Preznit should govern by polls. You can’t just stick you finger in the wind.
driftglass: So an election – an Historic Election -- was just a transient public opinion poll? Funny, when the Decider slimed and lied his way to re-election in 2004, it was called “My Big Fat Fucking Mandate”.
But what can you expect? Dick Cheney is ambulatory evil with a Halliburton heart. He runs the country, and when Republicans went to the polls in 2004 they said – loud and clear – they wanted this oily, evil thing bestriding the world.
And they got just what they wanted.
On Iran/Syria.
Iran is nutty. So maybe we have to whack ‘em. Maybe. Not gonna say it though. No siree. I'm just gonna sneer and drool a little.
On Domestic spying. The Department of Defense has legitimate authority to spy on Americans. It’s nothing new. Move along. Nothing to see here.
Chris Wallace, we also learn, was invited to the Cheney Christmas Party: one may assume he slings drinks and canapés with the same soggy deference he brings to his other Parti duties.
On Meet the Press and elsewhere, Stephen Hadley – the emphatically smirky, squinty, aggresively depilated Bush-doppelganger – gets out there and spins Dubya’s shit-discs like a champ. This while the fact that his Administration has reversed itself, then re-reversed, then re-re-, all the while squealing that anyone on the other side of every debate is a terr’ist lover is as big and bright and painfully obvious as a rabid, fluorescent manatee clamped to his privates.
It truly is their only constant: their unvarying, slanderous berserker attacks on anyone who stands opposed to any facet of their short bus tyranny.
We’re gonna replace Malaki.
No, we wuuuuv Malaki.
We’ll listen to the commanders.
No, we’ll sack the commanders.
We’ll heed the Wise Men.
Hey, fuck the Wise Men.
All in that same, blustery, “Get the Hell offa my lawn!” old crank monotone.
But of course the losers and liars who head this Administration who aren't solely to blame; this is equally the fault of the losers and liars and bigots and trolls who actually voted for these freaks in the first place, and then renewed the franchise for another four years.
It is that vast bucket o’ tard -- those dribbling dinks of the GOP rank and file -- who have demonstrated beyond any doubt that they are electorally unfit to be treated with anything but dismissive contempt. Their ideals are absurd. Their religion is a ridiculous, hateful cartoon. Their opinions are nothing but worthless regurgitated wingnut bumper-stickers hydroponically grown in their fascist think tanks.
And they should never, ever be allowed anywhere near the levers of power ever again.
I appreciate the heartfeltiness of ninth inning converts like Andrew Sullivan or Rod Dreher, but before I’d break bread with a’one of ‘em, they would need to come up with answers to these question:
What is it about you – you personally – that made you simultaneously such a completely incompetent citizen and such a completely bullet-proof ideologue?
How did you not see the truth staring you in the face all this time?
What was your major malfunction?
What deep sickness of the soul stunts a human being into a Modern Republican and how can you help to eradicate that fucknozzle gene from our body politic?
Show your work and cite examples.
End Part 1 of 2.
6 comments:
Uh, Frist? Froth? Shit, they're both out nof the Senate, now. What do we say?
Come see the debut of Start Making Sense, a new series that exposes the political maxim that, "with big suit, comes evasion of big responsibility."
Basically, it's a rundown of the Sunday Talking Heads on TV. Talking Heads, big suit, stop/start making sense. Get it? (Cricket)
The subject? Well, if you saw the talking heads on TV tonight, you'll know that it was, of course, Iraq and the splurge. I call it that, any way, because Bush is spending human flesh like we splurge after we get our tax refunds.
All of us with IQ's north of our chronological age realize that the Cheney Mob has been wrong time after time. Not just a mis-step here and an error there, but a string of stupidity stretching from here to Baghdad and back. But consider this:
They're batting 1.000. We're the mistaken ones. And I know this because Alex Trebek came to me in a dream and told me so. He stood at the foot of my bed, shook his head sadly, and said three times. "Make sure your answer is in the form of a question."
So, here's the question. "How can we take advantage of a spineless media and that obeisant pack of toadies called a legislature in such a way as to line our pockets and those of our cronies, while at the same time consolidating power in the hands of the executive branch in derogation of the U. S. Constitution?"
Every decision they've made, every policy they've enacted, every lie they've told has been in response to this question. And they haven't been wrong yet. We've just been been asking the wrong fucking questions. They win the cash, we get the swell parting gifts and a home version of the tyranny game. Take it away, Don Pardo!
I put the largest share of the blame on the "spineless media", or rather, the bought-and-paid-for McMedia.
If we, the sane, ever get control of this country again, we MUST use the anti-trust laws to break up the McMedia oligopoly, and also restore the Fairness Doctrine.
Once upon a time, I would have suggested starting with Faux, but now I say start with Disnazi. I want to see blood from Mickey Mouse's severed head, dripping down the shaft of a pike. Selah.
I have never wanted a tattoo, but I might reconsider if I could find a Mickey Mouse skull with snakes crawling through the eyeholes.....
Yeah, the media is the thing. And until they start reporting on the rise of the Right's HateNews like they would a pandemic instead of he-said-she-said, things will remain ugly.
But the rise of the blogs and the fact that Atrios, Kos, Gilliard, etc continue to pull larger and vocal readerships does give me some hope.
I'm with you on the hope, as well as just about everything else, driftglass.
The only thing I'd suggest is slightly over-the-top is this:
..this is equally the fault of the losers and liars and bigots and trolls who actually voted for these freaks in the first place...
While an apt description of all too many "citizens" of the U.S., I do know more than a few very intelligent - though underinformed - and quite wonderful and compassionate - despite their support for this monster - folks who voted for Bu$hCo in '04. As you just mentioned in the last comment, "the media is the thing".
Those folks, almost to a person, have stated that from what they heard on the news, or read in the papers, until evidence had piled up to unavoidably obvious dimension, it just seemed that anti-Bushies like us were nothing but sour grapes.
I did consider voting for Shrub in '00. It only took about two weeks of reading up on his Texas and Business "legacies" to know he was a fraud, a cheater and, quite simply, one muthafuckin' dumb S.O.B. I'm not any smarter than the average hairless ape, but I am more astute politically and aware of the tricks of that trade in selling bogus messages of "progress" and "equal opportunities" for "all".
Most folk are learning the hard way that you have to look deeper than the headlines, but I still don't think they understand that The Press is now something very very different from what it used to be in this country. It has reverted to what it had become in pre-Anti-Trust days: a mere money-making endeavor. Teh Truth be damned!
Errrgh! Don't mean to rant in other's comments sections, but, well, awesome, Awesome freakin' post! I just know so many - I'll call 'em suckers instead - who don't fit in with the kind of truly disgusting homo saps who still support our President, right or wrong.
Roxtar left linkage to your "Goddess of Irony" obit, so thank him for bringin' my garrulous goofball person here. I sure as hell do.
Goin' back to put your blog on my sidebar as soon as I pub this comment.
Thanks. L8
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