“Pre-gaming.”
A term used by persons of a certain age when referring getting moderately and economically drunk at home before they go out and have to spend real money clubbing, it's also what happens while everyone mills around in late November waiting for Government to happen.
This Sunday’s Mouse Circus was all about meeting the Phenoms just up from the minors, seeing the veterans stretch, and seeing the Presidential wannabes preposition themselves for ’08.
Because the campaign never ends.
Began before it began. Chris Wallace set the Fox Table with various sleazy, slanted introductions. It was to be about “The Joke that almost derailed the Dem’s march to victory!” And that John Kerry has been “in hiding” after his “infamous” comments.
When I heard Kerry was going to be on, two thoughts – a question and answer – flashed immediately to mind.
First “WTF is Kerry doing on Fox?”
Then “Oh Jebus; he thinks he’s Clinton.”
But he’s not Clinton. He was just a tacking dummy. Because Wallace, being a troll in the pay of the thugs on Planet Murdoch, and having been soundly beaten into a puddle of aspic and shit by the Big Dog, desperately needed reassert his dubious manhood by beating on a Democrat.
And Kerry obliging walked right into the band saw.
So when Kerry answered the question once and tried to change the subject?
Wallace: No, sir. We’re gonna fucking well talk about The Joke, sir. We’re gonna dissect two-syllables and your endless, humiliating apologies, sir. And then maybe we’ll talk about other shit.
And that’s when Kerry should’ve raised or walked away.
He did neither. He stayed and played Wallace’s “Alan Colmes”, so for 90% of Kerry’s face time they talked about The Joke.
When Cheney shoots someone in the face, he goes on Fox to resuscitate his image. Or is the correct word “rehabilitate”? Disinter? Shit-sculpt his cancerous soul into a facsimile of something human? Whatever. He goes there because he knows Fox is the GOP Media Vaterland. That never will be heard a discouraging word about any Republican war criminal.
So why did Kerry go there?
Because he thought he could go to Mordor and rip Chris Wallace’s black, beating heart out of his chest. He thinks he’s Verbal Warrior Clinton and he’s most emphatically not. He’s a laminated plank. He’s as predictable and “agile” as a rusty Slinky oscillating at the bottom of an empty oil drum.
Kerry actually tried plead his case about the GOP Attack Machine -- which “kicked into full gear” which “knew full well what I meant to say” -- while sitting in the belly of that very beast. As if it were a neutral venue, proving yet again that Kerry – a man of many virtues – just plain sucks as a politician.
Kerry: I helped win this election. I worked my ass of two years to help Democrats win. I have lots of proposals…
Wallace: Dance, bitch!
Kerry: Only you are interested in talking about this.
Wallace: No, Sir. There are a lot of people – Republicans and Democrats – who want to hear you humiliate yourself again, Sir.
Wallace: Do you think its fair to call the Preznit stoopid and intellectual lazy, Sir!
Kerry: The insult is troops sent to war on a lie. With no armor. Under a SecDef …blah blah blah. The lesson I learned…
Wallace: No one gives a shit about the lesson you learned, Sir. You didn’t apologize good! That’s the issue.
And then we play ANOTHER clip of Kerry apologizing. Again.
And then the wheels come off.
Kerry: Why didn’t you play the part of the clip where I made it clear that…blah blah blah.
Wallace: I don’t think this is picayune, Sir!
Wallace: I want you to ask this question, Sir!
And now we’ll play a clip from a woman who thought your quote insulted her poor son.
Kerry apologized 9,716 times on Fox. And Wallace, going full Nelson Muntz, keep asking him, “Aren’t you damaged?” “Aren’t you a loser?” “Aren’t you a dumbass?”
“Why do you keep hitting yourself? Why do you keep hitting yourself? Why do you keep hitting yourself?”
So when Newt! came on and it was an actual relief.
Mostly Inside baseball, plus I don’t understand why in the fuck Dubya didn’t make his nods in the direction of flexibility a month before the election.
Wallace: It woulda looked desperate and political.
Newt: So what? Of course it’s inherently political.
Clinton went into the whale to get close enough to its arteries to administer a killing blow. Stick and move. Stick and move. Work the ropes, then work the body.
Kerry, on the other hand, fights like a Rock-Em Sock-Em robot in ten gallons of sandy molasses.
Straight ahead, throwing the same creaking punch – repeating the same failed, scripted quip and rejoinder -- over and over again.
Note to Kerry. Quit giggling and smiling and shuffling and sighing you lame-ass pussy. Quit trying to explain to Chris Wallace what you learned in Swiftboating School like he was your fucking Daddy and you’re showing him your grades.
Show, don't tell, you simpleton.
Wallace is your Enemy, so either lace up the gloves and beat him like a rented mule or stay the hell out of Big Boy politics.
13 comments:
Sir DG:
I thought the salient feature of today's MTP was that the political guests (Senators-elect Webb and Tester) could actually form coherent sentences that made grammatical and intellectual sense.
After hearing little more than GOP idjits spewing half-truths and quarter-sentences on these teevee venues for the last few years, it was a breath of fresh air to listen to members of Congress who showed candor, perspective, intellect, and (thank gawd!) actual wit.
The Dems gaining majority status sure helps the quality of Sunday morning talk shows...
Should be: fiefification
anonymous,
technically correct, and I tried that at first, but it kicked of such a bout of stuttery unpronounceability in my head I opted for aestheticism instead.
"...personally fellate every voter..." :)
Drift, you know how the poor troops in those stand-up CW abbatoirs like Antietam, Cold Harbor, ect., used to pin their names on their uniforms, so that their next-of-kin could at least be notified, if and when the bought the ranch?
Well, that's what I'm gonna be doin' when I read you from now on...a little tag thingy; on breast pocket, sayin:
"Sorry, all my friends and loved ones. I was reading Driftglass, and he shot me with a .58 caliber minie ball, right through the endorphin resevoir; several, in fact...that shit was everywhere...died of suffocation, on the spot. :o)
Love to all, tanbark.
(P.S. If you want to sue him wait until 2008, at least.:o))
and, you know, at this point, I'm kinda glad that Kerry had oral sex with his left foot. It put paid to any chance that he's gonna get the opportunity to do a sequel to the:
"Lurch runs for president" movie.
And, to re-work VioletBlue's comment on SFGate; the nano-second attention span of the media paid off, some, when it turned out that Pastor Ted was helping Karl Rove and the white house with their family-values gay bashing campaign, at the same time he had "a nose full of meth and a mouthful of dick". ;o)
Check your email; I forwarded her whole piece to you, about "San Francisco Values"...:o)
I don't give a shit if she's lifetime partners with a 90 pound rottweiller, I want to marry the woman, sight unseen. :o)
Nothing makes my Sunday like a fresh, piping-hot batch of driftglass!
Really: Every single Democratic leader needs training to counter the likes of Chris Wallace. This whole sad performance could have been avoided with a little preparation, and now Kerry's reaching for the Preparation H.
And it was so f'ing obvious. First, he was going on Fox. Second, he was going up against a smarmy little bastard who no doubt felt he had a score to settle after his mauling by Clinton. How could he not have known that the first thing out of Wallace's insipid pie-hole would be "How dare you say our heroes in Iraq are stupid!"
It's real simple, John: you just look at him for a minute. Let that airtime stretch out. Let Chris fidget; if he goes all Grand Inquisitor on you and demands an answer, so much the better.
Then you ask him: "Why does a flubbed line in a speech, for which I've publicly apologized, matter more to you than what's really happening in Iraq?"
Be calm, don't give an inch, and go after the bastards where they live.
And what's really a crying shame is that we have all sorts of people in the blogosphere who know these media mannequins' tricks intimately, from years of documenting the atrocities. Judging from Kerry's latest abysmal showing, this is vital knowledge that's presently going to waste.
Or maybe Kerry actually enjoys being a punching bag. In which case, a staff member armed with a tranquilizer dart gun should be in his presence at all times, ready to fire the moment he hears the words "Sure, I'd love to be on your show".
Good points as always, drifty.
But as we worship Clinton for his politicking jenius, let's not forget his triangulating DLC ass has helped our country into this damned morass.
shorter point: Clinton hearts Lieberman. Liebermant hearts shrub-cheney.
We've got a tough row to hoe.
~
¡Oh for the sake of fuck!
Kerry joo inarticulate weendbag,
eef joo are going to shoot jourself een the foot,
take eet out of jour mouth first, eh?
Pfui.
The saddest thing about all of this is that Kerry is ten times more man than any of these smirking chickenhawk pseudo-journalists who heap scorn on him when they can get their foul little mouths off Elephascist erections for a long enough time.
the problem with kerry is that he gives new meaning to the word inert. he's this generation's ed muskie, and always has been.
that said, i guess he went on fox because his initial response to the shitstorm was a good one. i was actually inspired by his comments after bush et al. started dumping on him.
but no, he clearly does not have the tools for tv interviews. and he gives us a good reminder about why we should not even consider supporting a second run by him, should he be so foolish as to make one.
Driftglass,
Well done! After reading the Rollingstone article about how jacked up Kerry's campaign was, due to his penchant for calling twenty thousand advisers over every minute detail, and his wife's penchant for getting all grumpy and tromping around with her spoiled-girl demands, and after seeing him concede before the counting was over and not using the money I contributed to his legal fund to battle selection discrepancies, I decided he is a shitty candidate. It is time for him to leave the ring and let a new fighter step in. I cannot stand the sight of that fool. He has done some good things for this country, but he is not a good presidential candidate because he is an elitist dipshit. Waterboarding or whatever the heck that sport was he engaged in, goose hunting, all his idiotic maneuvers to prove he was something, but God only knows what, really got my goat. Too bad the country couldn't accept Dennis Kucinich, but he has a hot new wife and if he can learn to fight he sure votes the right way.
i reckon i'm glad to have missed that one.
but i will remind everyone who likes to tear into kerry, just like the repukes do, that we might be in a far better position had 2004 turned out differently.
yeah, he shoots himself in the foot while it's in his mouth, but i don't think he's shot anyone in the face.
i did see john tester, and jim webb. hope springs eternal, but they will get the same treatment. be there to get their backs.
About Charley's comment:
I did see john tester, and jim webb. hope springs eternal, but they will get the same treatment. be there to get their backs.
Perhaps the most unique political feature of Jim Webb is that he actually enjoys fighting, in any arena ranging from boxing to politics. So he's a very different kind of Democratic candidate, one who needs a lot less "back-covering" than those from the usual kid-glove wing of the party, e.g., John Kerry.
I think that Webb is running for President already, and if he is, he can win, especially if we cover his back. He's got some interesting skeletons in his closet (Billmon provides a great overview here), but he's definitely worth watching.
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