Dead Man Leading

Cross-file under, “OK, you’re just trying to lose now, aren’t you?”

So Denny Hastert got the national press corps to hold its collective breath for a Major Announcement on the Republican Pedophile and Cover-up Scandal, that turned out to be as “Major” and vital to the body politic as Joementum’s “Major Address” on Iraq from a few weeks ago.

People speculated that Hastert might man-up and take one for the team, the teens, and the Party. But of course, no such thing happened.

It was, in other words, just another paper-machete layer of non-denial denial larded hurriedly and desperately onto the already ominously rumbling flanks of the Republican’s Mount Mendacity. You could have literally taken Bush’s now-infamous lie about kicking anyone to the curb who was involved in the Plame Scandal, struck out the words “undercover operative” and “leaking” and plugged in the keywords from the GOP’s disgrace de jour – “congressional pages” and “preying”— and you would have exactly what came out of Hastert’s mouth today.

And while the content was predictably responsibility-shirking and dissembling, the venue was a complete surprise, and makes one wonder just exactly which of Denny’s staffers has gone Full Metal Prankster and is now actively working to hammer Hastert’s political fortunes into the ground.

Because, seriously, what other possible reason could there be for Denny to gather the national press together to make his utterly unnecessary Major Non-Announcement about not resigning his seat or his Speakership,



from a fucking cemetery.

(h/t Wonkette)

That’s right, kid’s. Thirty days before the election, with his Party crippled from one massive fuck-up, misstep, blowback and exposed lie after another, after another, after another, and The Speak of the House of Representatives opts to use a graveyard as the backdrop for delivering his Vital Leadership Message to the waiting world.


Which is more that just a little funny, but it does remind me that as the Wingnuts stock up on vitrol and Koolaid for this year’s Fake War on Christmas (and wait for “Jesus Camp” to go to DVD so they can buy it for all of their heathen friends and family), that we have one, supremely cool, very timely and indelibly Liberal holiday between now and Election Day.

That would be Halloween.

And in addition to going into a sugar coma and watching “It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” for the 17th time, it is also possible that we could be doing a little guerilla GOTV work during the one day of the year when it is acceptable in most parts of the country to strap yourself into a costume and try to scare the poop out of people.

So this year, consider postponing the purchase of that Pirate Outfit you have had your eye on, putting the dominatrix gear back in the Fun Box (you are, of course, strongly encouraged to visit the castle and model the latter), and conquering All Hallows Eve as the newest Republican Action Hero:

The Paginator!



Scarier than Jason or Freddy, "The Paginator" ™ is perfect for the Liberal family on a budget, or those who want to go quaintly hand-made this year,

You need:

A medium-sized paper plate.

Approximately one foot of elastic band, or several rubber bands knotted together.

One tee shirt.

A Magic Marker.

One color photo of Disgraced Republican Congressman Mark Foley.

Glue.


Instructions :

1. Print the attached photo of Disgraced Republican Congressman Mark Foley.

2. Glue photo of Disgraced Republican Congressman Mark Foley to the paper plate.

3. Measure and cut eyeholes and a mouth hole (To be accurate to-scale, the mouth-hole should be large enough to insert, well, let’s just say your entire foot and leave it at that shall we?)

4. Punch holes in the sides, attach the elastic band and your mask is done!

5. Using your Magic Marker, write “The Paginator!” in big, scary letters on a clean, white tee-shirt. For those of you with more initiative, do the iron-on thingie, and for extra style points, ensemble can be worn with standard-issue Republican Blue Tie and Dockers. Sassy cape optional.


It's sort of my own, low-rent hat-tip to “’V’ For Vendetta” :-)

Good hunting out there, and remember, if you’re going out in groups, a whole wolf-pack of Paginators is probably too much.

So at least one of you one should consider using the same basic supplies and instead going out as, perhaps,


Speaker Shultz



Or even Colonel Drink.