How I could have saved ABC

$40 Million Dollars.

Of course, if I had to stick to the actual facts, the price tag would be much higher.

But now that Jiminy Cricket

has gone under Rove’s hammer…

Now that we’re talking about another Republican Hack-U-Drama territory – wherein you just park your network at the corner of Downing Street Memo and Jeff Gannon Boulevard and dumpster-dive -- where partisans with money and clout can just pull mendacious fictions out of their asses and “fix the facts“ around the dogma…

Hell, baby, I can do for you. And priced to move.

Because when price is no object, I’m not your guy.

But when facts are no object?

$40 Million?

Are you joking?

Next time, for half that in cash I’ll give you the Fuckudrama of your dreams.

Or as Archimedes said, “Give me YouTube, a fulcrum, and a place to stand -- and I will move the world.”


The Path to 9/11 -- driftglass pre-mix: Now with 70% more Truthiness.

FADE IN ON: The forces of Clinton, which have

traveled back in time to change history and try to pin the blame for 9/11 on Bush.


CUT TO: A dark vision of the Clinton’s Alternate Timeline

London conquered.


SMASH CUT TO: A Moonbase,

And Clinton explaining his evil plan. It apparently involves a “Laser”.


CUT TO: Reassuring Opening Credits

Showing us that undercover sekrit agent DubyaDubya7


is on the J-O-B.


FADE:

SCENE OPENS ON: Agent Dubya rolling through the streets of Kabul to try to stop Osama Bin Laden single-handedly



Even though Clinton ordered him to let the terrorists win!


A V.O. TELLS us that, because Clinton knocked out the guard and gave Bin Laden the key, terr’ists infiltrate the White House itself.


And Dubya is forced to spring into action and protect both his woman and his nation at a dinner party.



CUT TO: Dubya, trapped by Clinton,

His fate seemingly sealed!


QUICK CUT TO: And yet Dubya – with the forces of good on his side – escapes, seizes a plane,

and takes on the terr’ists single-handedly!

Again!


BUSH MONTAGE and FADE IN Music for:

Bush – Ohhh, Ohhh - Savior of the universe
Bush – Ohhh, Ohhh - He'll save every one of us



Bush – Ohhh, Ohhh - King of the Impossible!


CLOSING CREDITS ROLL: As Dubya lands his plane on the deck of the USS Lincoln and announces that the terr’ists have been defeated forever.



FADE TO BLACK