Thursday, August 10, 2006

Wretched Mole Rat



Suffocates on own dick.

Film at 11:00

If Bobo is going to do nothing but recycle his old beerfarts over and over again into new column inches, then I may resort to rerunning old refutations and save my secret, new adjectives for new arguments. Because in his Thursday column, Bobo just retreads the tired, discredited "Tyranny of False Bisection" dodge and runs it around the block.

Again.

You know the joke (driftglass tm):
So Dick Cheney is found, naked, on the White House lawn tossing burning kittens at homeless veterans and hitting babies with a ball-peen hammer.

What are the first three words out of David Brooks’ mouth?

“But the Democrats!”
Here’s a snip from his column entitled “Party No. 3”, mercifully walled up like Fortunato behind the subscription-only fortification of the NYT
...
There are two major parties on the ballot, but there are three major parties in America. There is the Democratic Party, the Republican Party and the McCain-Lieberman Party.

All were on display Tuesday night.

The Democratic Party was represented by its rising force — Ned Lamont on a victory platform with the net roots exulting before him and Al Sharpton smiling just behind.

The Republican Party was represented by its collapsing old guard — scandal-tainted Tom DeLay trying to get his name removed from the November ballot. And the McCain-Lieberman Party was represented by Joe Lieberman himself, giving a concession speech that explained why polarized primary voters shouldn’t be allowed to define the choices in American politics.

The McCain-Lieberman Party begins with a rejection of the Sunni-Shiite style of politics itself. It rejects those whose emotional attachment to their party is so all-consuming it becomes a form of tribalism, and who believe the only way to get American voters to respond is through aggression and stridency.

The flamers in the established parties tell themselves that their enemies are so vicious they have to be vicious too. They rationalize their behavior by insisting that circumstances have forced them to shelve their integrity for the good of the country. They imagine that once they have achieved victory through pulverizing rhetoric they will return to the moderate and nuanced sensibilities they think they still possess.

But the experience of DeLay and the net-root DeLays in the Democratic Party amply demonstrates that means determine ends. Hyper-partisans may have started with subtle beliefs, but their beliefs led them to partisanship and their partisanship led to malice and malice made them extremist, and pretty soon they were no longer the same people.

The McCain-Lieberman Party counters with constant reminders that country comes before party, that in politics a little passion energizes but unmarshaled passion corrupts, and that more people want to vote for civility than for venom.
...
The “net roots” was the Democratic House Majority Leader? Man, I must’ve slept right through that.

And casting Al Sharpton as the scary Black pivot on which the entire Democratic party turns, while amusing, is gonna come as one helluva shock to one Senator Barack Obama.

So where was the acid-belching Democratic equivalent of Rush Limbaugh in 1985?

1986?

1987?

1988?

1989?

1990?

1991?

1992?

1993?

1994?

1995?

1996?

Where was mile-high, bandwidth-bestriding Thug Left that matched the Hate Radio of the Thug Right for the last twenty years?

Where is the Democratic Gingrich who runs a Democratic GOPAC that methodically and deliberately instructs his entire Party to scream “Traitor!” at the opposition at every press opportunity as routine, tactical matter?

Where are the army of Special Prosecutors sifting through every Kleenex George Bush ever used? Over a bad land deal? And a blowjob?

When is the impeachment hearing of George Bush scheduled to begin?

Where is the Democratic Southern Strategy that nurtures and harvests racists for votes?

Name me the Commies in the Democratic Party? Anywhere? Where are the Bolsheviks that hold elected office? How many Socialists in Congress? How many raging, Green Party Governors? How many hard-line Naderite federal judges?

Now, compare that list to the list of how many Wingnut Evangelicals holding public office in the GOP? How many of them pull the strings as powerbrokers?

It is, of course, an absurd exercise, and at some level Brooks knows it.

The Democratic Party has been, for the last 30 years, conspicuously free of bomb-throwers, while the GOP has been the worlds leading producer of napalm-and-poo-flinging Christopaths and lunatics in print, on radio, on teevee, in the press, the punditocracy, the Congress, the courts and the White House.

As opposed to the 40-60% of the GOP that are hard Right Authoritarian/Theocrat, there simply isn’t any “fringe Left” that is statistically visible. They are the Imaginary Straw Man Enemy Within – the all-purpose Orwellian Emmanuel Goldstein Boogeyman – that has been invented out of whole cloth by the fascist Right and its lying enablers like Brooks to give their pig people someone to hate and blame for their fear and desperation.

For most of that time, Democrats have counseled compromise...and lost. (And the most abject capitulator of the bunch -- Joseph Lieberman -- is -- surprise! -- the shining example of what the future of politics should look like according to Bobo.)

For most of that time Republicans have cried Havoc! and let slip the Coulters of Culture War...and won.

The GOP has been a party of almost unalloyed, aggressively ends-endlessly-justifying-the-means cozenage, blissfully unaware of their steep downward spiral because in the Republican Party consulting an ethical altimeter is considered disloyalty bordering on sedition.

They have been a Party that has courted and cultivated lies of every vintage and sown every seed of division it could lay its paws on. They have built a Mighty Hate Machine and, laughing all the way, bulldozed it to power over the broken bodies of those who are still damnedfool enough to pretend that you can compromise with beasts drunk on blood and power.

Note this if you note nothing else: while the “flames” were all coming from Right, while the Left continues to play by the Marquess of Queensberry, you never heard a fucking peep out of slouches like Brooks: It is only when the Left begins to counterfire – and do it effectively, targeting those who have been pouring poison into the well of public discourse year after year – that Bobo suddenly becomes hysterically concerned about the partisanship “on both sides” and then, with great, fake reluctance, pulls an imaginary 3rd party out his rectum and Pronounces It Good.

The day that the GOP stops kicking gays in the teeth, recruiting klansmen, demonizing muslims, lionizing monsters who blame 9/11 of feminists and the ACLU and calling people like me traitor for opposing my government...that’s the day I will be happy to beat my pronouns into plowshares and talk peace and compromise.

But of course, they can’t let the crazies go. First and foremost -- as Barry Goldwater prophetically warned -- because the crazies now run their fucking party, from crotch to crown. The gargoyles have taken the cathedral, and Falwell and Dobson sits upon the Throne, while the Hagels and the Grahams are now the “fringe”.

And second, if they ever did kick the freaks out, they wouldn’t win another election. Ever. Anywhere. Seriously. As I’ve said before, without their Christopath Legions and assorted other reprogrammable golem shock troops, the GOP would be the Constitution Law Party, squatting impotently in the swamps of Mississippi, muttering angrily about Negroes.

And at heart, Quislings like Brooks would much rather have a police state with theocrats, deficits, endless war and tax cuts than a democracy with incrementally higher marginal tax rates and his Party out of power.

Brooks threw his weak, flabby shoulder into the Republican Revolution with a will, and it has come a murderous cropper on a scale that will hobble us for generations to come. And the only way that Brooks can live with the horror of his present is to lie about the past.

Brooks is a Conservative. An unreconstructed, unapologetic GOP stooge, now reduced – like all of his breed – to desperately trying to hide the massive bulk of his of complicity, lying and just fucking God Awful mawkish creative typing that is to “writing” as owl-pellets are to Vosges Chocolate Truffles (in that if you were robbed of all senses and cerebral function except for the ability to loosely gauge size and weight, you might mistake one for the other. In the dark. Underwater.)

Because for Brooks here is no cover left to scurry behind.

As the Floyd said:
“It’s too late the lose
The weight you used to
Need to throw around.

So have a good drown
As you go down
All alone."
Behind the melting sliver of his now- obviously bankrupt ideology, Bobo continues to try to hide the morbid moral obesity he cannot lose. And his position affords him no opportunity for a cozy, windowless cinderblock bunker bar into which he can disappear with skinhead pals for consolation and to bolster each other’s flagging belief in the imminent victory of the White Christian Race with cheap whiskey, dead sand n*gger-and-or-kike-and-or-fag jokes, and manly reacharounds.

Instead he invents a tony nest of ridiculous delusion out of ink and pulp, stocks it with a wholly fictional alternative political history wherein men like him are not cast down as the scoundrels they are, and then lives in it.

And lives well.

The massive dishonesty that pervades his words and his soul stands out like a psychic pillar of tumor growing straight out of his heart.

But instead of recognizing his disease for what it is, twice a week -- for a princely sum -- he carves off a little of his carcinoma and serves it up with a side of badly written treacle on the pages of the fucking New York Times.

26 comments:

¡El Gato Negro! said...

...y los hijos des putas eat eet up weeth a spoon.

so.

Anonymous said...

A smackdown for the ages. Bravo.

PWhit said...

The GOP has been a party of almost unalloyed, aggressively ends-endlessly-justifying-the-means cozenage, blissfully unaware of their steep downward spiral because in the Republican Party consulting an ethical altimeter is considered disloyalty bordering on sedition.

and Poo! you said POO!!

Anonymous said...

Sometimes, short posts are best.


Brilliant.

Anonymous said...

Ah Driftglass. I need a cigarette after that one. And I don't even smoke.

The question I always come back to is how can the left come up with a megaphone equivalent to the one through which the right has been dictating CW for the last 2 decades? We would, I certainly expect, use it more judiciously. We are not without our moneyed adherants. Look at those regularly trotted out as funding our wickedness (Soros?). Air America Radio is a good start... but only a drop in the bucket, a spring peas canphone compared to the mighty behemoth they've created. Our society is drunk on media. To reach them means wresting control of more of the media.

Anonymous said...

Alyssa- we don't need a megaphone, because reality itself has a liberal bias. Gas prices, neighbors kids dying in the ME, housing-bubble popping, etc. People are, slowly, beginning to wake up. It has always happened in the past, it will continue to happen.

But when it's time to turn people like Brooks out of their mansions and reclaim them for the people, count me in!

Anonymous said...

US Blues - I was thinking the other day about the 'torches and pitchforks' concept and thinking that really the blogosphere is the equivalent. People don't /have/ pitchforks anymore, we plebes are no longer mostly farmers. We have our seemingly petty weaponry, but wielded en masse it suddenly becomes more than a little concerning for the Powers That Be. What other pitchforks do we have lying around that we haven't considered, I wonder?

The Minstrel Boy said...

torches and pitchforks are fine but to be considered truly accesorized on Concord Bridge one must have a flintlock.

Anonymous said...

Drifty asks:

"How many Socialists in Congress?"

Exactly one - Bernie Sanders from Vermont. And that, only until he successfully wins his race for the US Senate.

Go Bernie!

Mister Roboto said...

I guess the only thing I have to add to that is, "Word, yo!"

Speaking of the Housing Bubble, the Toll Brothers are saying (according to a CNN headline that I saw at Fark.com) that there is a bigger glut of homes for sale than there has been in 40 years. I'm 39 years old, myself. So I guess that little bubble has gone popplesy-wopplesy, alrighty.

Anonymous said...

...WELL said drifty...

...WELL said..

jurassicpork said...

Drifty, I wanna be you when I grow up. As much as I'd like that, I just as much don't wanna grow up. In a more benign form of lycanthropy, I fear I may turn into a Republican.

This was a typically great screed but this, as with 99.9% of blogging, is only so muich farting in the wind. Or preaching to the choir.

Sure, you raised legit points and expressed them in a way that hasn't been quite done before. But we all know this. The GOP sets up its own rules then denies us the chance to use the same tactics. If we do, then we're branded as traitors, terrorist sympathizers and, in one notable Newty instance, "insurgents".

But taking down your pet scapegoat BoBo Brooks always justifies the orgamic hitting of the orange "publish" button. And, of course, it's always worth tuning in when I see you doing that.

Just as I love to lambaste Ann Coulter, so you have Bobo and like Ohnny Storm, I say "Flame on!"

Anonymous said...

Driftglass == my favorite purveyor of circumlucuted bombast!

Seriously, thanks for saying what I've only been able to half atriculate, and fr making me laugh while you do it.

Thanks DG

Bukko Boomeranger said...

The modern equivalent of pitchforks is dropping matches in the petrol tanks of SUVs, a la the French. Start with Hummers...

roxtar said...

Alyssa is exactly right. I'm wielding a Dell Inspiron 7500 pitchfork and a Verizon DSL torch. Which way to the castle?

Anonymous said...

You hit a trifecta here, Drifty:

Genius, as always. Boy, do I love driftglass.

HORSE 1:
BS Bobo Brooks as Mealy (worm) Mouth in Chief.

I just wrote a Letter to the RightWingNut Rag Editor of local (toilet) paper slamming Bobo as "squishy" … Cal Thomas, son of Dracula, as "scarey" … and one of aforementioned tp newspaper's other wingnut "journalists," Cynthia Tucker.

Tucker's the token black and token chick and token editorialist from the neocon Atlanta Journal Constitution who dutifully parrots her Rove Talking Pt Masters. She trashed GA Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney on Das Karl's Kommand.

Still, Bobo Bash is your number 1 horserace winner.

HORSE 2:
Then, the Reign of Purple Fingers you suggested for all Ned Lamont- and Democracy-supporters. Oooooo, Driftglass.

I got to this on a link from FireDogLake.com, which has been one of them there commie, pinko, faggot lefty BLOGS for Lamont and Democracy since before Day One.

Your Purple Finger guerilla theatre would hold up to the best of Earth First! … those wonderful folks who staged a "crack" in the Hoover Dam.

HORSE 3 - Ka-Ching:
And then setting No-MoJo Lieberman as Homer Simpson on strike in the treehouse? You hit the trifecta, Drifty.

Now stop it cuz you're killing us ratiocinating types.

Anonymous said...

Mr. Brooks would be a fine candidate for that old George Carlin game show, "Asshole Jackoff Scumbag!" "Is this man an asshole, a jackoff, or a scumbag?"

Anonymous said...

Purrrrfection! (this cat, basking warmly in the glow of your words).

Charles said...

Is David Brooks worth this sort of energy? This is a guy who develops Grand Unified Political Field Theories out of data he has never observed, out of hallucinations produced by moths in his head tickling his brain.

As for Bernie Sanders, he's an Independent and calls himself a Democratic Socialist, i.e., a European-style center-leftist. If a real socialist like ever ran for office, a tidal wave of heart attacks would reduce the Republican Party to permanent minority status.

Anonymous said...

US Blues - I thought about your comment and while I agree that truth has a liberal bias, if you have a big enough megaphone screaming your version of the 'truth' you will always be able to control CW, always be able to control the watercooler conversation, always be able to create and knock down strawmen to dazzle the uninformed and/or lazy. The fact that the righties have doggedly pursued media dominance for the past 2 decades is evidence enough that it is a necessary tool to gain power - and it is therefore necessary that we reclaim it. It is time to throw our truth discs into the base of the Master Control Unit and reopen the lines of communication.

BitterHarvest said...

That'll teach 'em, D. To see BoBo still writing at the New York Times is amazing. I would love to have his job security. How badly do you have to fuck up analysis to lose your job at the Paper of Record?

We've got the problem of defining America's role in the world from here on out, because we are certainly not going to put ourselves through another year like this anytime soon.

-Brooks, May 8th, 2004

roxtar said...

alyssa - you have been quoted with praise and kudos on BlackSkyTheory. Stop by and bask in some well deserved recognition.

Anonymous said...

Re the whole megaphone vs. reality debate: I would add that lots of votes for Republicans are based in fear. Now fear of what, I think, is different for different folks. Gays? Mexicans? Legal abortions? No Christian prayers over the PA in school ever morning before classes begin? A-rabs? Take your pick. Add more.
Now common sense would seem to dictate consideration for things like: Wages. Gas prices. Housing bubble burst. Outsourcing. Piss-poor public school education. American kids dying in Iraq.
But often times, fear trumps ration thought.

But, on a brighter note, my brother recently told me that he was tired of having a president that was trying to hasten the End of Time. (In that whole Revelations, Armageddon kind of way.)
Perhaps rational thought will prevail.

Anonymous said...

Brooks is a clueless moron. These people really need to be unemployed.

PS I don't think that's a mole rat. It looks like a cute little chinchilla or something. Mole rats are hairless and incredibly fugly. Very interesting creatures, but not at all photogenic. ;)

Anonymous said...

Aww, thanks Rox! ::blushes and grins:: You made me feel spayshul.

Anonymous said...

Lucky me!

Today, the editorial page of my local Gannett rag gave its readers a real treat: Not only was it graced with Brooksie's latest dingleberries of "centrist" wisdom, but his dribblings had to give pride of place at the top of the page to an even more absurdist Krauthammer screed, sorrowfully predicting doom for the Democrats now that that smelly bong-huffing hippie Lamont and his band of America-hating, pacifist netroots Svengalis have hijacked the party.

Yeah, Chuckie Cheese-for-Brains has always been renowned for having the Dems' best interests at heart. He used to think they were cool, but now they're just sooooo 60s, you know?

I know it means things are gonna get even uglier (hard as that may be to believe, after the last few decades) but Gawd, the fear-stench reeking off these ravings of the Punditburo is a wonderful thing to behold.