While I was piddling around in Photoshop

Imagining the GOP 2008 Dream Ticket...

..Chris Clarke was busy bringing the 120 mph heat with “The Top 25 Most Dangerous Fictional Unhinged Characters Who Are Dangerously Hurting America” – an essay that certainly bids fair to bring home a Koufax (or whatever) for the year of Our Lord 2006.

My Mom promised me when I was but a little driftglass that if I was very good -- eating all my veggies and pelting Republicans with the rinds and stems -- maybe I could grow up to write half as well as Chris on my better days.

Here are some snips, but you really need to go read the whole of it here.

Really, really.

Looks like the conservative list machine is cranking up again. Back a few months ago, we had David Horowitz’s hurriedly cobbled together book, The Professors: The 101 99 Roughly Eight Dozen Most Dangerous Academics hit the shelves, and a few people actually bought it. The book came out on the heels of Horowitz’s assembling such treacherous anti-Americans as Noam Chomsky, Katie Couric, and the guy who played Screech on Saved By The Bell into a network, which he termed “The Network,” of liberal traitors. Michelle Malkin wrote “Unhinged,” which despite the title is neither a work of autobiography nor a treatise on the condition of her jawbone but rather a compendium of dangerous liberals. Right Wing News publishes an annual list of the “Top twenty most annoying liberals," among whose selections are such noted American liberals as Andrew Sullivan, “The Wellstone Memorial,” “The Mainstream Media’s Katrina Coverage,” and “MTV’s Rock The Vote.” Attempts to reach The Wellstone Memorial and The Mainstream Media’s Katrina Coverage for comment were unsuccessful.

…

The Top 25 Most Dangerous Fictional Unhinged Characters Who Are Dangerously Hurting America

(note: Any appearance that the number of characters may not actually total twenty-five is merely a quirk in the format of the list.)

Ellen James
Ellen James, the mutilated rape victim in John Irving’s The World According to Garp, inspired in that book a radical fringe group of feminists who cut out their tongues to symbolize both their commitment to the cause and the silencing of women by men. This caricature of a strawfeminist splinter, written by a misogynistic old straight man, has taken root on the net as radical feminists of various kinds are increasingly referred to as “Ellen Jamesians.” Thus James’ inclusion here.

We at Creek Running North recognize the unfairness in blaming a rape victim for the misrepresentations in real life of fictional groups acting in her name.

Of course, this sensitivity to the need for fairness to rape victims makes us Ellen Jamesians.

Vodka-Drinking Welfare Queen
Also known as Cadillac-driving Welfare Queen, occasionally seen in presence of her consort Stagger Lee. Best known, especially in the early 1980s…

The Gipper
The only fictional character ever to win a majority of votes in the Electoral College. After taking up residence in the feeble brain of the B-movie actor that played him in a conservative movie, this dead football player ran up what were at that point the largest federal deficits in history, cut and ran from a Middle Eastern country after the terrorists brought it on…

Holden Caulfield
Single-handedly influenced millions of American teenagers to hate their parents, fart in church, and curse…

Tonto
Also known as “Chief Bromden,” “Uncas,” or “Ed from Northern Exposure.” A character whose primary role is to provide reassurance that Americans have not inherited their ancestors’ responsibility for inhabiting stolen land…

It just rolls on and on like that. Like a mighty river. Like a mighty damned funny river

What are you still doing here?

Scoot.

Go.