If You Meet the Buddha on the Road

Spam Him.

For if he can be Spammed, then he is not the Budda.

Thank a merciful God for my newest crusading anti-spam superhero, Ryan Pitylak.

A man -- but oh so much more than a mere man -- who has taken up the cross and has waded into the messy e-carnage of the world of penis enlargment, hoodia, Herbal Life and bogus degree programs with his vorpal sword in-hand.

A vorpal sword that I am sure has been has been ALL NATURALLY and Organically enhanced to MASSIVE MALE proportions in a way that is Completely!!!SAFE!!!.

From his blog -- to which I will not link, because a globe-spanning and ragingly tumescent junk mail warrior like Ryan Pitylak certainly doesn’t need a the tiny trickle of traffic a little pea hen like me can deliver -- offers this sage advice on the “Psychology of a Spammer”.

The extravagant lifestyle of successful spammers is not a myth, which is why lawsuits rightfully extract that money back from spammers. A typical business meeting would take place in expensive places like Las Vegas or New York City. Spammers like to show off their “nouveau riche” money, and places like these are perfect locations to show off. From bank roll of hundreds wrapped around with a rubber band to stacks of bills still covered by the banks paper band, many spammers would literally spend all this cash in one place.

Most members in the spamming community are strikingly similar in that they are alpha-males who typically do not have much regard for those outside the community. The spamming “tricks” were typically kept secret to maintain competitive advantage, but there were certainly groups of spammers that banned together to help one another be better spammers. Camaraderie among spammers is strong and they feel connected because of the tough battle that is always being fought against the large Internet Service Provider’s email filters.

One common characteristic among spammers is the lack of understanding about the negative impacts of spam…

Poetry, I tell’s ya. Wordsworth needs to climb out of his grave right now and apologize for ever trying to mash words together on the same planet as Ryan Pitylak.

This tireless doer of good also launched his own, spam-fightin’ blog from whence this ort of pure bloggish wisdom has fallen into our lucky mouths…

Ryan Pitylak launched CombatSpam, Anti-Spam BLOG

This antispam blog is an opportunity for me to discuss details about how to stop spam. Helping the cause against spam is important to me because I've learned that spam negatively affects society by creating problems for systems administrators and consumers. Although email is a cost-effective way to communicate with consumers, regulations and anti-spam filters are important to keep spam from cluttering mail boxes.

Hopefully through this antispam blog I can help not only systems administrators but also consumers from receiving so much spam in their inbox.

I for one am delighted that this mightily-thewed uberman has finally left the Shaolin Temple where he has obviously been in training since birth to battle the Forces of Spammy Darkness.

And that he powerfully mentions his own name over and over again in his sinewy blog.

In the third person.

And that his only comments are his own.

Because quite frankly, who among us has the stones to dare such a thing? Who among us is so delusional AND possesses the steely nerves necessary to whisper even a few, halting words in the Commentary Apse of the Ryan Pitylak’s Bloggy Cathedral.

Have a caution, Nigerian Bankers! Beware Secret Shopping scammers and pliers of phony diplomas, for as of March 2006, Ryan Pitylak has leap into the Schlong War -- this Ill-Gotten Götterdämmerung – with both fiece feet.

His loins are fully girded.

In his right hand he bears a million zeros, and in his left, a million ones, and when he claps, spammer better run. Because he is here to chew bubble gum and hand out packet-switched ass whippings.

And he is all out of bubble gum!

And why exactly is this unstoppable Locomotive for Righteousness -- this one-man Weapon of Mass Probity – this SMTP Samson meting out rough, frontier justice to the Phishing Philistines with the jawbone of his Electronic Ass – out of bubble gum!

Well, probably because a judge took it away from him.

Along with a lot of his other accessories and accoutrements.

Because selfless, noble, do-gooding, Digital Centurion Pitylak is also this guy (emphasis added)...

TRIBUNE UPDATE
Note to spam king: You got nailed
Now 24, former junk mailer says he works to keep in-boxes clean

By Howard Witt
Tribune senior correspondent

June 2, 2006

AUSTIN, Texas -- For every weary Internet user who has ever slogged through an e-mail inbox infested with junk spam, payback time has finally arrived.

The State of Texas and Microsoft Corp. have just throttled a 24-year-old University of Texas graduate once ranked among the world's worst purveyors of spam, fining him at least $1 million, stripping him of most of his ill-gotten assets and forcing him to stop sending nuisance e-mails forever.

The punishments are contained in settlements of two civil lawsuits filed by the Texas attorney general and Microsoft against the spammer, Ryan Pitylak, who admitted to sending out a mind-boggling 25 million e-mails every day at the height of his spamming operation in 2004.

...
Some details, however, were discovered this week during a review of public files associated with the lawsuits, which invoked a new federal law intended to curb the flow of unsolicited spam that by some estimates accounts for 60 percent of all Internet e-mail traffic.

In the Microsoft case, Pitylak agreed to a fine of $1 million and promised never again to send out false, misleading or unsolicited commercial e-mails. Terms of the settlement in the state's case against Pitylak were not revealed in the court files, and a spokesman for Atty. Gen. Greg Abbott declined to comment because details of the agreement were still being finalized.

Pitylak, who graduated last month from the University of Texas with undergraduate degrees in economics and philosophy, said he is in the process of selling his Austin house, which is appraised at $430,000, and a 2005 BMW luxury sedan to help pay the fines and legal bills.

He also insisted in an interview that his junk-mail days are over.

"I started to realize [spam] is bad for business and bad for society, and I wanted to do something to resolve that," Pitylak said, adding that the revelation was helped along by the lawsuits he faced.

...
Pitylak was the subject of a Tribune investigation in July 2004 that unmasked a network of more than 200 front companies he and a partner set up to send out unsolicited, anonymous e-mail messages that landed in the inboxes of uncountable millions of Americans.

At the time, Pitylak was listed as the 4th-worst spammer in the world by the Spamhaus Project, a London-based international clearinghouse that tracks spammers and works closely with law-enforcement officials.

Pitylak's e-mails touted low-cost mortgages, extended auto warranties and debt-counseling services, among other offers, and he received between $3 and $7 for every lead he generated when someone clicked on the links contained in his messages.

An extensive sample of the e-mails reviewed by the Tribune and traced back to Pitylak appeared to violate numerous provisions of the Controlling the Assault of Non-Solicited Pornography and Marketing, or CAN-SPAM, Act, a law passed by Congress in 2003 in a bid to thwart spammers. The law forbids e-mail marketers from sending out false or misleading messages and requires them to provide recipients with a way to opt out of receiving future mailings.

In January 2005, acting as a result of the Tribune's story, Abbott and Microsoft sued Pitylak for violating the anti-spam law, seeking nearly $500 million in damages.

Pitylak declined this week to reveal how much he earned from his spamming operation, which he started he was 20.

"I really don't want to glorify the business of being in the spam industry," he said. "The money I made in that business is not something I feel comfortable talking about."

...
But it's not entirely clear that Pitylak has left all his old ways behind.

Old trick, new setting?

One of Pitylak's favored ploys as a spammer was to register and abandon hundreds of assumed names for his e-mail companies with the Texas secretary of state, which helped him obscure his true identity.

Two months ago, he incorporated a new company named Unlock City and then registered an assumed name for it. A few days later he filed another application to withdraw the assumed name, according to records in the secretary of state's office.

Susan Arenella, the Austin attorney who filed the papers for Pitylak and whose signature appears on the documents, said in an interview that she did not know who Pitylak was and declined to answer questions about the filings.
...

I’d give odds that if the sudden-realization-at-the-point-of-a-lawsuit-that-what-I-done-was-so-very-wrong dodge fails, or when maintaining a half-assed fig-leaf blog with lame, 1-2 paragraph drivel posts that read as forced as hostage “confessions” gets too boring, Mr. Ryan Pitylak will do what so many other famous Texas white collar criminals, drunks and high profile douchebags have done:

Find Jebus!

And once he finds Him, hit Him with a billion emails for a Personal Wealth System that is !!!100% Guaranteed!!!

Because he fould Jebus' Blog while looking for other people interested in building Personal Wealth Systems.

And can see that Jebus has done a lot of work on it and he will definitely link to it, and since they both share a passion to build Personal Wealth Systems, does Jebus know that it says right in the Bible that, "The Universal Source is all wealth, abundance and prosperity and Prosperity is our birthright!"

Well does He?!