This pic has nothing to do with this post.
I had a lovely picture of the Chicago skyline at night instead which I have been trying to gently coax Blogger into swallowing without spitting it out for about 30 minutes, so to Hell with that: Don Karleone always amuses me.
About par for the course today, which is the real subject, because I'm traveling for a bit. Away in the land of soy ethanol, Laura Ingraham and her breed squatting all over the AM dial, late-70’s/early-80s pop on the FW, dodgy web connectivity, one cup motel coffee and nothing but a gas station within sprinting distance.
What may or may not be Air America here is a confetti mess of static that sounds disturbingly like the sound the phones make when they melted in “Fail Safe”.
The teevee keeps having Brit Hume and Fred Barnes on it.
Even the Charlie Rose here show is being hosting by Mary Fucking Matalin!
I wanna go home. I already miss decent bbq and Liberals.
Its a suit-and-tie trip, and I somehow managed to roar out of the castle sans jacket and shirts (they are resting comfortably in the closet in the suit bag where they had been packed just for this purpose.) It came to me allofasudden, like a diamond Jart through the skull, looong after it was too late to go back and correct.
I ran through the six stages of “Oh my God. I can’t believe I fucked that up.”
1. Denial: I packed ‘em. Without any doubt. I must have put it in the trunk. Stop. Check trunk. Slam shut. Open. Check again. Slam again. Hey, maybe its in the back seat, hiding among in among the fistful of CDs I actually did remember? Check back seat. Again. Slam. Check trunk. Again. Slam.
2. Anger: I’m meticulous when I travel, even for a few days. Laundry? Done. Dishes? Done. Fridge? Cleaned out. Trash and recyclables? Done. 1st-of-the-month bills? Paid. Laid out everything to go with me like an effing surgical theater. I’m god-damned road warrior when it comes to this. How could I have missed that bag? Visualizing suit bag laying supine in the closet, laughing at me. Clearly visualizing cat sharing a beer with said bag, mocking me. Visualize everyone I have ever met in my life making sport of me.
Hate them all. Cat will pay dearly.
3. Bargaining: I can go to these meetings in the jeans and tees I brought along, supplemented with what I can pull off the rack at K-Mart. Sure I can!
4. Depression: No I can’t. Ah, poop.
5. Acceptance: Find a decent haberdasher that can rig me up with what I need and put a fat, unplanned dent in the credit card. Still, having a couple of new shirts and ties and a decent-if-not-swank jacket isn’t the worst thing to walk away with. Nobody got hurt, and the ties are actually pretty nice even if I have to break out the motel iron to take the wrinkles out and sharpen the pleats.
6. Laugh my ass off. Because I was just dumb, and once past that it's pretty funny. If this is my biggest problem, I’m living a charmed life.
More later.
For now, bed and decrypting the bizarre alarm instructions.
20 comments:
Poking your nose around the nether regions of Middle America, huh? Well be careful out there, the coffee is foul and the mood even fouler, for all the reasons you catalogue daily. Most of all, remember that anything you purchase on a biz trip is a tax-deductible biz expense. God willing you'll be near a town large enough to sport a Men's Warehouse, or some similar institution of fine shopping.
"May the Four Winds blow you safely Home."
us blues,
In addition to bidness, I'm doing a lot of listening. A Spy in the House of Rove if you will :-)
us blues is so right. Middle America Does Not Get Coffee Right.
I won't even get into the alarm thing. Hey, I programmed VCR's back in the day, and I've yet to get a motel alarm to work properly.
"Bizarre Alarm" WBAGNFARB!
I take exception to the coffee remark. Here in Minnesota, we brew something called Scandinavian Penicillin. If the spoon doesn't stick straight up from the middle of the cup, you haven't done it right.
Anyway, too bad about the wardrobe malfunction. Hope that things improve.
I dunno why, but some lyrics from Mudhoney's 'Overblown' popped in me head. Not that you're overblown Drift! - I just make odd associations like Clyde makes Bonnie.
"You got a sack full of candy
All I got was a rock
They got you by your big business boy
Nice to know yer packing extra socks!"
anywhayz, I still wear jeans with my Brooks Brothers, and that's fairly formal attire here in CA.
-skunq
If you've got the time and the transportation to make it to the local strip-mall suit store, consider yourself lucky indeed. Usually the problem is (1) forgetting the suits and (2) having to go to the meeting *right now*.
Besides, if you're like me, all your suits are seven years old and were purchased before your body morphed into a middle-aged sack of dough. Consider this an opportunity to get a pair of pants that fit without the Deep Inhale.
I'm sure you'll look positively dapper in your new off-the-rack accoutrement. :-)
It's hit-n-miss, but you'd be amazed what you could pull of the rack at goodwill - fast, cheap, and often silk.
I'd bet a nice polyester leisure suit (avacado green) could fill the bill just as well.
or..
you could find a 'herb tarlek'?
Omigawd (lol!) speaking of:
http://www.rheostatics.ca/music.htm
"The Taleks" mpg
starring none other than Frank Bonner himself.
-skunqagain
us blues,
In addition to bidness, I'm doing a lot of listening. A Spy in the House of Rove if you will :-)
I look forward to reading your report, agent driftglass. ;-)
Well...Agent Driftglass - things could always be *Worse*.
I am reminded of a few similar experiences...but that's for yet another day.
And YES we 'd like the Super Double Secret Background (FYEO) report when you return to yer regularly Scheduled Program Station.
I think the Valet at Castle Driftglass needs a good talking to. To let the Emperor leave without his New Clothes is a firing offense.
Enjoy the trip. Remember, there's always Vegas next week - a slightly different crowd than those you're currently infiltrating!
Speaking of FAB Coffee (we were...weren't we?)...pick yerself up a Bialetti - Moka Express and some of that indespensible Ducan Donuts beans (or ground).
This thing makes some of the best dang Cup-o-Joe ya ever did dip a Biscotti in!
:-D
Today, in Myrtle Beach, I saw a biker on a Harley with george bush's face airbrushed on his gas tank. It was depressing, then I read that the Chicks new CD had gone to #1, and I felt better.
Have a good trip. Bring us some T-shirts saying:
"If you can read this, you're not the president." :o)
Bush?
on the fukkin tank?
poseur rider - not a biker.
plus, it was a hardley.
which is to bikes what cadillacs are to cars.
all dollars, no sense.
perfect fit.
-skunq
Agreed.
An adventurous, rowdy, "outlaw", with junior's Mt. Rushmore countenance, on his Harley.
Maybe he has a good corporate portfolio (Halliburton?) to go along with the HD. Lots of 'em do, these days.
A fantastic blog yours. Keep it up.
If you have a moment, please visit my make serious money site.
I send you warm regards and wish you continued success.
Hi!
I'm back to check your blog again and you just keep the great posts coming! Do you know of any great websites that sell baby shower. I've seen a few good ones but I think www.diapergifts.com make the best I have seen. You have got a great blog and I will be back to check it out.
Cool Blog! If you get a chance I would like to invite you to visit the following jackets blog, it is cool to!
Ultram tramadol discount
cheap tramadol
Tramadol
Post a Comment