Thinking, in my loudest “Inside Voice”

“Mustn’t laugh. Mustn’t laugh. Mustn’t laugh.”

As I read this and bite through my tongue and sprint for the privacy of the castle’s heavily-soundproofed loo, all while realizing how inappropriate my reaction is…

From the Los Angeles Times
Rival bands clash over little-person KISS tribute
A Las Vegas incident highlights the MiniKiss- Tiny Kiss tussle over who owns the concept.
By Robert W. Welkos
Times Staff Writer

April 11, 2006

They might be pint-sized performers onstage, but offstage they're in a giant-sized dispute.

Joey Fatale, the 4-foot, 4-inch New Yorker who heads the all-dwarf KISS tribute band MiniKiss, is denying published reports that he tried to sneak past security last month at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas to confront a rival band leader, 4-foot "Little" Tim Loomis of Tiny Kiss, for allegedly ripping off his idea for such a group.

Loomis, a former drummer for MiniKiss, was performing with Tiny Kiss, which includes three little people and a 350-pound woman, on St. Patrick's Day at Beacher's Madhouse, a Las Vegas variety show, when the incident occurred.

Show host Jeff Beacher told The Times on Monday that Fatale "tried to sneak in saying he was Tiny Kiss" and had to be escorted from the premises. According to the New York Post, Fatale's lawyers sent a legal cease-and-desist letter to the show trying to shut down the act.

Loomis told the Post: "[Fatale] came out here [to Las Vegas] and tried to cause trouble, so I had him 86'd from the Hard Rock. The impression I got was that he was looking for a fight. He'd been threatening me over the phone."

But Fatale disputed the accusation, telling The Times: "This whole thing about me going to the Hard Rock with my gang — that didn't happen. What happened was, I went there because somebody told me [Tiny Kiss was] doing the show that night…. Nobody escorted me out of there. I went there by myself to approach them as a gentleman."

Fatale says he has "nothing to say" about Loomis, except, "He's a nice guy." And, he added, "This is all a big publicity act for the guy at Beacher's."

This can’t end well, so I must ask…

People, people! Is the world of diminiutive cover groups so overstocked with bands that a MiniKiss/Tiny Kiss kerfuffle was an inevitability?

Because it seems to this completely disinterested observer that, in the end -- like Dunkin McDonut of the Clan McDonut – there be only one, and that two Little Kisses must inevitable come to tears.

Can’t one of these worthies withdraw from the field with honor?

Be the bigger band?

Does the world really need two, little person’s Kiss simulators, when we live in a land so poor that that we have no…

…Small Audio Dynamite?

…Microdeath?

...UNINXS?

...Pinky Floyd?

…The Ronette-ettes?

…The Itty Bitty Nitty Gritty Dirt Band?

…Freakishly Little Feat?

…They Might Not Be Giants?

…Tom Petite and the Heartbreakers?

…4.5 Inch Nails?

…The Elfin Parsons Project?

…Matchbox Ten?

…Wee-zer?

…Really, really Lil’ Kim.

…The Notorious S.M.A.L.L.

…Less-by?

…Dexy's Midnight Runters?

…The (Dutch) Doors?

…Shorter Than Ezra?


Or, hell, just some guy imitating Prince?