Cure found!

Yet Wingnuts mysteriously unrejoiceful.

I was disheartened to see a recent article (referenced in this Think/Progress piece) by flabby Young Turk (well, Tur-Duck-En), Jonah Goldberg.

Jonah Goldberg: Concerns About Climate Change Are ‘Millenarian Battiness’
In today’s LA Times, columnist Jonah Goldberg – following George Will’s lead – argues that global warming may not be a problem (or even exist). Goldberg writes that “we don’t have a clear picture of what’s happening now, never mind what will happen.” He calls concern about climate change “millenarian battiness.”
Here is the only “evidence” Goldberg provides to support his contention that the science of climate change is in dispute:

But it’s also true that we don’t have a clear picture of what’s happening now, never mind what will happen. Just ask the 60 climatologists from around the world who wrote Canada’s prime minister that “observational evidence does not support today’s computer climate models, so there is little reason to trust model predictions of the future.”

The letter by a dwindling club of “climate skeptics” is misleading and not supported by scientific evidence. A subsequent letter from “climate science leaders from the academic, public and private sectors across Canada” to the prime minister corrects the record. That letter states that since 2001, advances in climate science provided “confirmation that warming of the atmosphere near the surface is consistent with the projections of climate models.”

I met this latest burning Q-tip flung into the eyes of Newton by tubby firebrand Pantsload with mild disheartenment not because of its yawny, checking-my-watch-to-see-if-its-dead-from-boredom-too predictability or deliberately fatheaded disingenuousness.

And not because, from the first paragraph of the original article, Goldberg unhesitatingly ransacks the last the Rovian crumbs from the bottom of Don Karleone’s Majyk Cheetoh’s Bag (Gore is a “scaremonger” whose move makes ‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ seem like "Toy Story 2”. And it is only a bellwether of the deluge of “environmental scare books” to come that threaten to freak poor, honest citizens into following commie-pinko-crypto-fascist-treehugging scientists and their dimwitted Liberal stooges in the Main Stream Press on a “witch-hunt” as part of “some half-baked environmental jihad that could waste possibly trillions of dollars”) to brace up his dead, dishonest prose.

No, I was just a jot saddened to see -- human to human -- that Jonah could not take even a moment's comfort -- cold, onanistic, Oedipal, or otherwise -- in the fact that Evil Science might have found a cure for the chronic condition affecting so many on the Right.

That he who should be doing a full-on Electic Slide of a happy dance right now upon learning the one of the most chronic problems affecting the whole of Wingnutylvania has been found to be solvable is not happy at all.

And it’s east too! In many cases it can be cured by simply avoiding “the three Cs”.

Corruption, Chronic lying and demon lover Cocaine?

Nope.

Choler, Corpulence and Cupidity?

Nuh-uh.

Crying wolf, Coulter and Crapulence?

Sorry, Arlene, but on that note were gonna flip all the cards over and say:

“Caffeine, Carbonation, and Citrus.”

Read on...

Diet Changes Could Curb Bedwetting
04.23.06, 12:00 AM ET
SUNDAY, April 23 (HealthDay News) -- Nearly 30 percent of U.S. school-aged children regularly wet the bed, but some simple changes in what they eat and drink can help solve the problem, experts say.

Dr. Kirk Pinto, pediatric urologist at Baylor All Saints Medical Center in Fort Worth, Texas, said that the three Cs -- caffeine, carbonation, and citrus -- should be avoided by children who are having trouble with bedwetting. While there are medications to treat bedwetting, simple diet changes can help the majority of children.

"For bladder problems, anything that is an irritant is bad. Caffeine is number one, and it's the most common thing that these kids get from all the soda they drink," Pinto said in a prepared statement.

Chocolate is another source of caffeine, and citrus fruits and their juices can also be irritants, the expert said.

"You want to get those things out of their diets. Go back to milk and water -- reasonable amounts of both -- and generally you can get the child to feel better," Pinto said.

Red dye is another irritant. Parents should read the labels of foods and drinks and, if they contain red dye, keep them away from their children.

Praise be to Science (though Allah be the Wiser).

At last, Jonah can toddle off to a hard four hours toiling in the Dear Leader’s vineyards, pudgy chin outthrust and marmot eyes fixed on a boundless horizon of limitless tax cuts and war, secure in the knowledge that he will no longer be forced to suffer the fate of Michael Landon’s urine-haunted hero/alter-ego -- John Curtis – in his semi-autobiographical Number One Opus, “The Loneliest Runner”.

No more suffering at the hands of the Dowager Lucienne, hanging out his dirty linen like Mrs. Howell trying to signal a plane.

No more racing back home at the end of each long day’s labor pounding ever larger, squarer and more patently ridiculous pegs into ever narrowing and roundering holes to face his own banners of shame popping in the breeze.

No more doomed to his own, endless Age of Percales.

So how sad that given this miraculous manumission from his embarrassing emissions piled like a cherry on top of all his other unmerited advantages, he’s still such a mendacious fop and vicious little screwhead.