A Change in the Batting Order

at Batshit Central Command.

Legend has it there used to be a nation called Iraq.

A tragic land of 26 million souls, hostage to geography, history and oil, bounded by Syria, Jordan, Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, Iran and Turkey.

On this 3rd Anniversary of most catastrophically foolish and reckless foreign policy decision in modern America history, there is no shortage of thoughtful meditations on the miserable history of the last few years.

How the Bush Crime Syndicate squandered every treasure and boon that fell into their undeserving laps.

The fearsome dimensions of what Dubya’s Disaster has unleashed.

The naked face of the Rough Beast our lethal “Bring ‘Em On” hubris whelped, presently slouching inexorably towards Baghdad to be born.

Steve Gilliard gives us his usual, brilliant, unsparing analysis: the blunt words of a smart man who is furious that those who saw the this shit storm coming from its inception -- from a million miles away, while it was still small and operable -- were ignored, marginalized, mocked and called everything but a Child of God.

Riverbend offers up a prayer – “Allah yistur min il rab3a” -- and speaks from the heart of the broken country she sees all around her every day.

But there is another, alternate fever-sore of a Universe where the Sun never sets on Dubya's ass and Rummy goes door-to-door Fuller Brush-style to personally liquidate the “seething” ay-rabs lurking in your bathtub and sock drawer.

A Universe of the Little and the Green and the Fascist, positively maggoty with chickenhawks and NeoKlansmen. A mentally and morally necrotic Universe that has been a 24/7 “Nuke ‘Em All” Jubilee since "Shuck and Awe" dawned over Mesopotamia. A Universe that was plated over solid with unquestioning steely resolve and mandibular juttiness since the beginning of Operation Endless Clusterfuck, and thence slicked-down with martial wonderjizz as the Rat People jerked off in shifts at the thought of a billion, sizzling heaps of scorched meat where brown people used to be.

A Universe where Iraq has become a New Atlantis for the shithouse-rat crazy: a mythical Iraqtard (driftglass (tm)) Utopia that has mysteriously vanished beneath their squealing rhetorical waves, even though any one of them could be there within 10-16 weeks, courtesy of any Army Recruiting Office

Should any of them feel suddenly inclined to put their tender asses where their Purdy Mouths are, so to speak.

So on this 3rd anniversary of the onset of their Happy Fun War, what celebratory Iraqi anthems is DJ “Mission Accomplished” spinning for the LGF homunculi to help them Hokey Pokey the night away?

1. Palestine via Egypt.

2. Egypt.

3. Palestine.

4. al Qaeda suspect visits Westminster

5. Palestinian Authority.

6. Abu Ghraib (but only via an attempt at outraged throatpunch to the NYT for messing up one detail of one story)

7. George Soros.

8. Angry Muslim women.

9. Assorted Victor Davis Hanson droppings.

10. Cartoon mocking the still-quite-dead Yasser Arafat.

11. Council on American-Islamic Relations calling for an investigation into a Jericho prison attack.

12. Ali Al-Sistani’s medieval view of gays (Funny how the LGFers get lubed up over anything to do with gays other than a curb-stomping them only when it helps top off their bile sacs. Or as one of the orc army opines, “Why the Gays aren't 200% behind this world war is beyond me.”)

13. The continual defiling of the grave of Rachel Corrie.

14. More Evil Muslims.

15. Those cartoons.

16. A murder in Trinidad…which proves definitively that All of Islam is Evil.

17. Danish Muslims.

18. Evil Egyptian Muslim Pop Star.

19. Failure to amp up into the Screaming Headline Stratosphere at New Mexico State University a fake bomb threat at by a guy with an “Arabic accent” proves that the MSM are collaborationists or liberal or something.

20. Newer and Happier Horseshit trying to prove that Saddam and Osama were reach-around buddies.

21. Palestine-related.

22. Jerusalem-related.

23. Jihadists using HAM radio.

24. Radical Palestinians.

25. Jihadists.

26. Palestinians.

27. Jihadists.

28. Palestinians.

29. Jihadists.

30. Palestinians.

31. Jihadists.

32. Palestinians.

33. Jihadists.

34. Palestinians.

35. Jihadists.

36. Palestinians.

And so forth.

Iraq? Iraq?

Bueller?

Bueller?



Funny, ‘cause back two years ago in March of 2004 – long after the Mission Was Accomplished, and finding those pesky WMDs was scant hours away, and we were assured that "regime dead-enders" numbered in mere dozens are were busy “final throe-ing” themselves onto the ash heap of history, they sure were talking a lot of shit about the FUBAR-that-now-dare-not-speak-its-name.

Here's a random sampling...

1. Iraq

2. Gaza

3. Iraq

4. EU Antisemitism

5. Saudis and Al Qaeda

6. Iran Nuke Plot

7. Islam is Evil, Evil, Evil

8. Rummy

9. Assorted Victor Davis Hanson droppings.

10. Iraq and the runny-cheese-swilling French. Or something.

11. Kerry, Jebus and the runny-cheese-swilling French. Or something.

12. Defiling the fresh grave of Rachel Corrie.

13. Kerry on the Dick Cavett show in 1971 (One assumes that video of George Bush spending his salad days binge drinking and dodging his duty were unavailable.)

14. Rummy.

15. Rummy. (with spicy comments like, “Am I crazy for finding Rummy sexy? “ No honey, the crazy boat sailed on you lot of swine comfort women loooong ago.)

16. Kerry, who was apparently too runny-cheese-swilling and French.

17. Gratuitous Arab bashing laced into every story about everything.

18. Let’s Hate Nelson Mandela.

19. Let’s Hate Winnie Mandela.

20. Rummy.

21. The French.

22. Iraq.

23. Richard Clarke – even more of a runny-cheese-swilling Frenchy.

24. Iraq...via some squirrelly synaptic misfire that manifested itself as the following: “A class war! The black bloc! Booga booga!” This happens when one tries to compact all of one's bigotries into a single post.

25. A mash note to Zell Miller.

26. The periodic, hysterical attack on Noam Chomsky.

27. HamasHamasHamasHamasHamasHamas

28. Part 82 in the fascinating Reality Inversion Game wherein any criticism of Iraq or the Neocon traitors who stranded us there is chalked up to Liberals hatred of “the new sneaky Jew”, now reimagined as “neoconservative—with a funny-sounding name like Wolfowitz or Perle”.

And so forth.

Must be a terrible thing to have to live with the fact that the stinkin’ Liberals were absolutely right about every, single fucking thing, and everything you believed and held as dear as your own children has turned out to be a complete and utter lie.

And not just any old lie, but exactly that pile of diseased offal those same stinkin’ Liberals have been trying warn you about for years.

Now one may be tempted into worrying that in the face of such a complete and unmitigated dogma implosion, some large fraction of Mole Rat People might now find the “.38 Caliber Seppuku” alternative appealing.

Might, during this long, dark night of their ideological meltdown -- when forced to daily confront the fact that all along they and their ilk have been the cancer and not the cure -- seek to take the “honorable” way out.

Not to worry: the LGFer are creatures of many distinctive traits, but honor has never been one of them.


Now excuse me while I go scrub down with hot bleach and gargle with three ounces of Ardbeg.