Sunday Mornin’ Coming Down

In which George Bush shoots his base in the face! Again!

And they apologize to him! Again!

And another breathtakingly ridiculous talking point – “Having looked into the abyss, the Iraqis have pulled back..." -- is born.

Again!

Well, not so much “born” as stillborn. Squeezed out DOA right into the ranks of “greeted as liberators”, “cake-walk”, “regime dead-enders”, “Mission Accomplished”, “final throes” and a thousand other feculent bumper-stickers this Administration uses to keep its Rat People supporters dizzy enough to ignore its lies and catastrophic failures in Iraqi for one more day.

Again!

And thank goodness. I was worried there for a bit that, what with all the clusterfucking going on in Iraq that things were, maybe, y’know, getting worse, but now that I have bitten into the latest GOP talking-point and gotten to the chewy-chewy center, I am just chock-full of confidence in the inerrant wonderfulness of Our Dear Leader.

So no tricksey, A-List White House Prevaricators doing the Mouse Circus today which can only mean one of three things:

1. Bush is on vacation again.

2. They’re so scared stupid by yet another week of their own ineptitude blowing up in their own faces again that even Scary Mary Matalin can’t get her bile-erection up two weeks in a row.

3. It’s Two-For-One Day at Manwhore Gannon’s Bareback Shack

But let us slog into Sunday's febrile awfulness anyway, always remembering that all quotes are “Based on Actual Events”, which means they’re either loose approximations (curse my never finishing typing class) or fictionalized-but-spiritually-true-and-occasionally-fulla-swears.

And everywhere today, there was the Big Question -- "Iraq. Civil War or Not?" -- and the corrolary question -- "WTF is wrong with the idjits at the White House that they did't think outsourcing U.S. port security to a Mideast royal family wouldn't raise eyebrows?"

On Fox -- Joe Biden, WH Homeland Security Advisor Fran Townsend talkin’ Dubai, and Mitt Romney, talkin’ Mitt Romney.

Short Fran Townsend: Trust us. Everything’s cool. And even if it weren’t cool, the deal’s done. But even if it weren’t done, everything’s cool. Trust us.

"Good" Joe showed up today, so I’m glad to see that he has gotten his meds rebalanced and has brought his raging Vichy bullshit glossolalia temporarily under control.

Biden: All allies aren’t created equal. NATO gets the big, family discounts, and non-NATO doesn’t. This is no different.

Biden: This isn’t just the Coast Guard covering our asses. The law says these Dubai Guys can have access to, and set the standards and make the plans for all kinds of super-secret security shit.

Wallace: But…but…but…it’s the Democrats. It’s all the Democrats. What about the Democrats?

Biden: No dumbass, real, actual Republicans are worried about this too. And let’s be clear -- This President can’t be trusted any more. The 9/11 commission flunked his sorry ass and this time all of Daddy’s money and contacts can’t buy him a gentleman’s “C” for sleeping through yet another critical exam.

Wallace: Isn’t this just anti-Arab bigotry?

(When Fox-poo-nozzle Chris Wallace has the temerity to try to tag Joe Biden with a race card and Wallace doesn’t disappear in a flash of holy fire accompanied by a thundervoice intoning, “Alright, that’s it. I am a patient Diety, but even I have finally had it with you screwheads.” it’s enough to make me doubt the existence of a benevolent God. On a Sunday no less!)

Biden: Yeah, there is some bigotry around this issue out there, but I hold this Administration accountable. Come on, Chris. Secretary Snow saying he didn’t know about this? Wasn’t even there? Pulling the Bush Daddy Iran/Contra excuse out of the playbook? “I din’t know nuffin! I wuz out getting’ the big guy a sammich and then went down to the White House launderette to make sure they wuz doing that detergent-rubbing-in-thingie to get the brown streaks out of his underpants. I warn’t in the room and no one tol’ me shit.”

The diplomatic failure here is entirely the Administrations fault. Their tone-deafness.

And so forth…


Short Mitt Romney -- I want to be President soooo bad, but the Dear Leader of my Party sucks ass. But because I am a Republican in the Age of Dubya, I will always put my Party ahead of my country so let me outline a few eansy-beansy differences between me and the Dear Leader so that I can call myself independent while still allowing the Dear Leader to use my face as a bicycle seat.

Wallace: But you’re a Mormon!

Romney: People want a person of faith in the WH, but American’s don’t really care what faith you are.

Oh Mittsy; you are in for such a world of hurt.



On Face the Nation -- Nat’l Security Advisor, Steven Hadley.

Iraq. Civil War or Not?

Hadley: Nah. In fact, this last week will, uh...bring them together! Yeah, that's the ticket. Hey, maybe we should blow up some more holy sites, since that breeds such unity of purpose! I believe that they “looked into the abyss” and maybe stepped back.

Bingo.

Bob Schieffer: Well fine, people agree that WWI wasn’t a good idea, but they did it anyway.

Captain Obvious (they'll let anyone on teevee these days): Are there Shiite Death Squads working out of the Ministry of the Interior?

Hadley: Could be...which is why this year we’re gonna focus like crazy on training the Iraqi po-lice.

Bob Schieffer: Because we’ve done such a brilliant fucking job training the military, right? The USMC can take any random number of young men and women off the streets of Anytown, U.S.A. and train 'em up into Marines in 16 weeks. We've been in Iraq for nearly three years. Last year we had only one Level One battalion, and this year we don't even have that anymore. Were going backwards!

Had: No we’re not! You’re reading the number’s wrong. We read the numbers differently.

(Remember that this is the Administration who lied so lavishly about the number of Iraqi troops that were ready to fight and mocked anyone who questioned them about it. Based on the training curve they were bragging about during the Presidential Debates, every single living thing in Iraq should be Audie Effing Murphy by now.

Lied about Iraqi's "leading" battles.

Lied two years ago about there being are only “pockets” of anti-coalition violence.

Lied two years ago that the “Iraqis are ready to fight for their own freedom.”

And on, and on, and on...)

driftglass (shouting at the teevee): Yeah, OK, I guess I could turn a chart of the Crash of ’29 upside down and claim that the Black Monday and the Great Depression never happened, but what kind of moron would listen to me if I did that?


Lindsey Graham and Chuck Schumer then sing a bipartisan, interfaith chorus of, “Are you fucking kidding me with this Dubai thing?!”


On This Week … McCain & Carl Levin. Iraq: Civil War or Not?

McCain going full Yoda (OK, only in my head): Hmm. Dangerous, it is. Much tension there. Always emotions, the future. “Into the abyss they looked” and maybe stepped back.

And B-I-N-G-O is his name-oh.



On the "This Week..." Roundtable:

Torie Clark (former Pentagon spinanatrix, now known as The “Lipstick On a Pig” lady): The whole Dubai thing is an over-reaction.

Fareed Zakaria: This is racism. It’s fear of brown people running our ports.

George Will: It’s the Democrats…something…something. The Republican are having their own, “hysterical”, “Terri Schiavo Moment.” What a creepy little stoat George Will is.

E.J. Dionne gets it right: No this is the Administration’s Problem. Period. They have reaped what they have sown. They have used the politics of terror over and over and over again, and now they say, “Trust us” to hand over our port security to a Mideast government.

Then the Buckley Article is brought up…

George Will does get this part right: Our policy is now only about building up the Iraqi army. That’s what we’re down to. No more pretense about delivering democracy or WMDs or “flypaper” claptrap. All we are doing is training people to use military force whose loyalties and agendas we do not know.

Will: This is a civil war.

Zakaria: No it’s not.

Will: Yes it is.

Zakaria: Shut up!

Will: No, you shut up!

Clark: This was perhaps a catalyst for change (didn’t quite say “looked into the abyss and pulled back…” but was thinkin’ it awfully hard.)

Will: Does Iraq have a government? If in Los Angeles the Crips and Bloods were in charge, policing the city, enforcing order in their areas, how could you say Los Angeles has a government?

But…but…aren’t elections brimming with Special Majyks, George? Isn’t that what your Rat People legion of Doom tell us every single day?

That you won, so we all should just shut the fuck up? That elections trump physics and causality and human nature? That there is no global warming, we’re winning in Iraq and the Earth is only 6,000 years old…because you voted it so?

Stephanopoulos (finally getting frustrated) busts out with: We keep saying that the next corner is the definitive corner. Elections. Interim leaders. More elections. Presidents. Constitution. On and on, year after year. And yet the only matter that has ever really been of any importance is power sharing, and that’s the hard job that we have deliberately postponed over and over.

Dionne (later, on the winnablity of Iraq): This is a disaster and this was predictable.

Almost correct, E.J.

“Predicted”. This was “predicted”. By lots of people, who have been called traitors since the day they spoke up, by the selfsame cowards and criminals and chickenhawn cheerleaders who got us into this mess in the first place.

On Meet the Press -- In which Punkin' Haid hangs out the shingle reading: "Three Republicans/No Waiting!"

Republican Peter King “debates” Republican John Warner as Timmuh cites quotes and furrows his mighty brow.

Well, John Warner’s Hair is there, and noises keep emerging from beneath it, so I’m sure he’s saying something, but when asked “Is Iraq in a civil war?” he bibbles on about what “civil war” may or may not mean, so I can’t be completely sure what he’s talking about.

However one thing that John Warner’s Hair is God Damned Positive about is that we need to act decisively! Much more jaw-jutting is immediately required. Even if we have to job it out to China or import it from Syria or somebody. And even though John Warner’s Hair is completely unable to state simply and clearly exactly where those fresh reserves of Mandibular Juttiness (tm (pending) and coming soon as a Googlewhack to a search engine near you) should be deployed, or in what direction they should be pointing.

Just “More Decisiveness Now! Get that gummint up and running and kicking ass!”

And if there is a civil war, however you want to define it?

Warner: The U.S. troops should not be involved in any sectarian violence. Right now, we have trained enough Iraqi troops to take on the problem of a civil war with minimal US support.

OK...so if they can “stand up”, why the Hell aren’t we standing down and getting out? Isn't that the plan?

But of course no one is going to ask John Warner’s Hair that scary question, because he’s old and dotty and Don Knotts just passed away for Christ’s Sake, and he was about the same age as John Warner’s Hair. Jeez! What, you wanna kill the stupid old fart?

Peter King: Sure it’s bad. Sure it’s hard. But going into Iraq was the right thing to do and we need to stay and get the job done. Because…wait for it…wait for it…”Having looked into the abyss…”

B-I-N-G-O! Give the monkey a cigar and a hearty “heckofajob”!

So according to King and Warner, we’re right on the verge of everything being OK, and the Iraqi gummint has just been flaking off when they should have been buckling down and hitting the books (So at least we can say that the Bush Administration has successfully exported one of its cardinal values) and all they really need is a little slapping around.

And maybe stern talking-to by Ward Cleaver.

Whenever Ward sobers up and wanders back to the Oval Office.

And then came Governor Ahnuld, and I couldn’t care less, although I must admit I love The Ahnuld describing foreign policy in his own special, meathead way.

That the invasion was good because of “de terrism tret”.

That it’s easy in hindsight to “criticizing de President”, but that no one could have predicted what has happened in Iraq.

That it's “like de Korean voor, or the Veetnam voor”; sometimes you get into a “sitchashun” where you’re in there for good reasons, but you can’t get out.

Really? We’re still fighting in Korea? We’re still in “Veetnam”?

Holy Ho Chi Minh, Gropenator! Quite bogarting whatever Dutch Cleanser you’re shotgunning, and pass it on.

That Iraq is a “hassle”.

On the plus side, I do believe the one thing The Gropenator did not say was that the Iraqi’s “Have looked into the abyss...".

Could it be that, unlike everyone else in the GOP, he knows the whole, original quote, because the author of same hails from Ahnuld’s part of the world?

Maybe Conan the Rotarian is a closet Nietzsche fan!

Nah.

However the whole quote does seem particularly apt these days, especially given the fact that its origins and irony clearly escapes the loyal GOP date-rapists who tried to slip it into our national cocktail:

“He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”

And heeding that bit of wisdom, in defense of my soul, I now stop gazing into one, tiny abyssette, turn the Sunday Mouse Circus off and head out for brunch and a stiff drink.