Monday, January 16, 2006

Venezuela defends Dairyland terror drive



Says “Targeting Wingnut Leader Justified Under U.S. ‘Bush Doctrine’.”

Venezuela Secretary of State Consuela Arroz today defended tactics used in the fight against Wahabi Christian militants amid growing anger towards Venezuela in Wisconsin.

January 16, 2006

BY Righteous J. Pecksniff

Milwaukee, Wisconsin -- Christian groups vowed Monday to keep up their anti- Venezuelan protests over a purported airstrike that Wisconsin says killed innocent civilians instead of the apparent target -- the so-called “700 Club” leader.

For the second straight day, thousands of Wisconsonians poured into streets

in cities across the state on Sunday chanting "Death to Venezuelan...wherever it is!" and demanding Venezuelan attacks on Wisconsin cease.

Protesters believe Friday's attack -- in which missiles struck a Dairyland village near the Illinois border-- was the work of Venezuelan forces based nearby.

"There will be more ... bigger protests," said Father Seamus Freckmann (pictured below), spokesman for an alliance of Christian groups.

"Wisconsin civilians, including children, were killed," he said. "Principles cannot be broken in the name of (fighting) terrorism."

Two spokesmen for the FBI branch office in Madison said Mullah Pat Robertson, a top lieutenant in the Conservative Fundamentalist Jihadi Movement – a group that has routinely put so-call “jesus contracts” out on foreign leaders, gays, feminists, civil right attorneys, liberals, members of other faiths, and whole countries -- had been invited to a dinner in the village to mark a Wingnut holiday celebrating the late Grand Ayatollah Joseph McCarthy, but passed it up and sent some aides instead.

Investigators were trying to see if they were among at least 17 people killed the attack, which destroyed three houses in a hamletnear Appleton, the officials said. They spoke on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the issue.

Wisconsin officials have strongly condemned the strike, without directly blaming Venezuela, on whom they are dependent for heating oil . Venezuela hasn't confirmed the incident but Secretary of State Consuela Arroz said threats from the Wahabi Christain group “can't be treated lightly."

She explained that "if 9/11 taught the world anything", it was that religious zealots who pervert the tenets of their faith in order to foment hostility and threaten the peace and stability of their own nation or foreign governments, must be “hunted down without mercy”. Warning that the Wahabi Christians “have their own satellite networks, newpapers, megachurches, radio stations, the financial and legal backing of officials at the very highest levels within the American government, and bankrolls running into the billions, they are not a threat we can afford to ignore any longer."

“Finally,” she concluded, “since the regime of George Bush actually consorts with these radicals, instead of taking action to stop them from polluting the world with their anti-Christian messages of hate and destruction in the name of their God, then it falls to others to clean up the mess that American hypocrisy has made.

"In this struggle against Radical Christian Fundamentalism, you're either with us or with the 'Jesus Jihadists', and if a few dozen cheeseheads is the part of price the world must pay for making sure these madmen are stopped, that is unfortunate, but the new Bush Preemption Doctrine certainly gives us that right.”

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Excerllent!!

Anonymous said...

Ole'!

Anonymous said...

Genius!

Anonymous said...

Ow, ow, ow. Carbonation bubbles hurt when you snort your drink out your nose laughing.

driftglass said...

Thanks all & sorry for the pain, stephanie.

Tuli said...

Brilliant.

Too bad the average American doesn’t understand SATIRE. This is just so obvious and you have made it so clearly insane.

After all, what is the loss of a couple of Cheeseheads (read: ragheads)?

Wisconsin: Brilliant!

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