This won't work

So don't even think about it.

Television as a medium I can take or leave, but not ignore.

Like global warming or The Blob or the creepy, corrosive cultural kudzu of Conservative Christopathism (and take that Alliteration Police) we turn our backs on The Glass Teat at our own peril.

We can suffer the slings and arrows of the Wheel of Fortune. Or each in our own small way take up arms against a sea of ”Elimidate”’s and “Fear Factor”’s and the rest of the tube’s screaming hillbilly/bug-eating fare, and do our little part to oppose them (or at least change the channel), but it is here to stay. It's how the baseline of our social parameters are bulk-mailed to the multitudes and it's how millions of our fellow citizens know what’s going on.

Hell, it's how some of them know they’re alive.

So, yes, the vast majority of tee vee is ka-ka, but then again so is the vast majority of everything. And the Very Best of that medium – like “Playhouse 90” or “Homicide” or “Fawlty Towers” or “The Singing Detective” – can stand toe-to-toe with the best of world literature and concede no ground in terms of excellent writing, humor, tragedy or insight into the human heart.

And neither the scale of a medium, nor its ubiquity or everydayness, are compelling arguments for or against that medium. A little, stone counterweight called netsuke blossomed into exquisite art in the hands of great artisans, and screwing around inside of the tiny frame of 17 syllables has produced haiku that will stand sturdier and endure longer than fortresses.

And for a lot of us, "The West Wing” was (and still sorta is) that kind of television.

It's why we dare not look too far down our noses when grandma says, “Hush honey; I’m watchin’ mah stow-ries.” Its our Liberal Alternate Universe -- where Spock doesn't have a goatee and Kirk isn't homicidal (but Uhura is still waaay hot) -- and written as such (even though the writing got kinda sucky and the plots got gimmick-laden once Sorkin left the show). It was something around which other things got scheduled. It was oxygen for us when the world was at its darkest.

It has been our catnip -- our Lefty NASCAR and “700 Club” rolled into one, where the Gospel was preached and shit blowed up real good -- our literate, Liberal consensual-experiential oasis in the middle of the cultural and political deserts through which we now slog…and, of course, that's all just gravy. A yummy-yummy layer of icing on top of the real reason we watch: the Very Important Sekrit Liberal Message that is embedded in every episode.

(And remember kids, your very own Official Barbra Streisand Sekrit Liberal Decoder Ring can be yours for a mere $8.00 and five box tops from “Progressive-O’s” cereal.

Allow 2-4 election cycles for delivery.

Offer void in Alabama, Mississippi and the rest of the usual suspects.

“Progressive-O’s: they help DLC-ers grow a fucking pair 12 different ways.” )

It is important to us, which is why, when I heard Richard Schiff being interviewed on Air America this weekend and say that people were still not sure what they were going to do about the passing of the magnificent John Spencer, I thought, well, maybe they could use a suggestion or two. Or maybe with the air stiff with the scent of “Eau du Ailto” the concepts of incoming, outgoing and replacing are just much on my mind.

So file this under, “Whither Matt Santos’ Vice President?”

First, and in reference to the picture above, finding a “New Darrin” ain’t gonna work. John Spencer’s character of Leo McGarry was too damned good -- too sui generis -- to be ‘replaced’ in any conventional sense. So the question for me is, how does one fill the massive hole that he left behind in such a way that creates that “West Wing”-y vibe of creative casting, good acting, and buzz-inducing cleverness that’ll make you smile when whoever-it-is walks on-stage, and will bring more people into the audience for this unapologetically literate and liberal entertainment.

A few suggestions, and perhaps you have more…

Starting with my prohibitive favorite…

Sipowicz!

Anybody not wanna see Dennis Franz -- a genuine “man of Chicago” -- brought on to “Blue Collar Balance” the Santos ticket? A maybe-not-100%-clean, Union-candidate who can tell Santos, “da’ Mare sez, ‘hey’. He tinks maybe I’m your new guy, but he sez whatever you do, don’t ‘Cubs’ dis up”. The guy that can deliver the Rust Belt in exchange for a “few favors”.

Anybody not think that hooking him up with former “ NYPD Blue” acting buddy Jimmy Smits wouldn’t create a monster buzz?

And let’s be honest: Anybody not think that seeing the veep in a short-sleeved, blue work shirt, skull-walloping the shit out of a recalcitrant, pussy congressman with a D.C. phone book while munching an egg sammich, saying, “You sure you doan wanna back ‘da bill? ‘Cause I kinda tink ya do.” wouldn’t be incredibly cool?


Trapper John.



Crossing-promoting with the excellent choice of Alan Alda as “Arnold Vinick”, bring in Wayne Rogers.


I have no idea if he has the chops for the role.

I do know that I’d sure as hell make it a point to be in front of Mr. TeeVee the night he and Alda were back on together.




BJ.



Also cross promoting Mike Farrell to make this the “After MASH” we were all promised but never got.

And make Beej an evangelical: A genuine, liberal born-again Christian who wears it right out on his sleeve.



Mary Tyler Moore



A very good dramatic actress, gifted comedienne and genuine 70s star, not currently being used effectively anywhere.

I’d also have suggested Dick Van Dyke, but the show already skews a little whitebread, and he’s more clown than thespian…

...although I remember him starring as a DT alcoholic in a very good and never-seen-again movie from 1974 called “The Morning After”, where he did a pretty credible job of scaring the crap outta young driftglass.

So, OK, maybe Dick Van Dyke, but no tripping over any damned ottomans.



Pam Grier



Oh please.

Do I even have to explain why?

OK then, four words:

Vice
President
Jackie
Brown.

What, you got a problem with that?




William H. Macy. Junior.

Big star now, but sort of part of the Sorkin posse from back on the “Sports Night” days, both by inclination and marriage.

Also get him to beg Mamet to come in and write a script or two. Hell, he did it for "Hill Street Blues".

Shit?
You a big star now, eh?
You fuggit you friends now, eh?


Of course I’d take Redford or Newman (maybe even playing themselves) in a heartbeat. Morgan Freeman would kill in this slot, so would Judy Dench, or Peter Falk doing the rumpled (Vice) President Mario Cuomo we never had, or a hundred other skilled actors, but from “The West Wing” I expect wonky genius, meta-caffinated writing and smart, smokin’ curveballs cannoned in out of far left field.

It is a place I go to get my flywheel spun back up again and for entirely selfish reasons I want it to keep right on rolling.