Oh GOD how I miss the Commies.

Right Lieberman?

As a forward, in case anyone is curious, this pic is pretty much exactly how my visual imagination works.

The vision of the GOP leadership brain-caste as a squalling, Argus-eyed baby just precipitated inside my head a couple of days ago and hung around. Scary and very apt, the image of a ravenous, irrational Me-Me-Me Id Beast with a hundred eyes. Some kind of raging termagant, eternally, hatefully and microscopically X-raying everyone for orthodoxy, purity and perfect loyality to the idiotic pronouncements of Dear Leader.

And what would such a creatures snack on?

Or, to poach on Bill Shake's lands...

Upon what meat do our new, punkass Cæsars feed,
That they have grown so Orca fat?
Age, thou art shamed!
Rome, thou hast lost the breed of noble bloods!

Fucking-A, and if they weren't very, very busy destroying everything of genuine value and virtue about this country you could almost pity the Neocons and the Theocons.

They are, by nature, stupid and unethical critters who have bastardized and inbred the flesh and sinew of once-honorable principle and once-genuine faith into fat and stagnate water and a waddling hate that cannot survive on anything less than the dark energy of Phobos and Deimos.

Fear and Panic.

One explicitly mines the dread of the temporal “Other” who lurks in the shadows to conquer and kill your children, and one harvests the fear of an axe-wielding God that will lop off your soul and lob it into a lake of fire if you do not obey their scolds and whims. And out on the permafrost of the Cold War they made their pact with each other.

The Commies were coming. And they were Atheists!

Maybe once upon a time, proto-Neos and Theos had some virtue. Maybe once slaking their thirst and drawing their sustenance directly from the terror of their fellow humans was a convenience. An alternate food source -- like Twinkies or Tofurkey -- but as their asses grew fat and their teeth grew soft and gray, they lost their mobility and ability to adapt.

And now the Neocon and the Theocon have become species as peculiar and narrowly adapted as tubeworms or dik-dik birds.

Funny how they shit on teaching the Theory of Evolution when they themselves are textbook examples of the process.

They are pale night-things that have found their niche in the nightsoil of strife and discord.

Freaks that actually need War to survive, and will manufacture it where it does not exist.

But not just any war. They need a Cold War.

An eternal, twilight struggle that can never be won, but can always be lost.

Consider the obvious; when faced with overwhelming evidence that their President and his whole cabal premeditatedly lied us into a war, how did these Moral Men who impeached Bill Clinton for lying about getting into a woman’s pants react?

As the number of corpses the lies of their President created mounts up high enough to blot out the Sun, where does this Lab Culture of Life cult come down?

As they subvert the news and suborn perjury, where is the outrage?

As they blow the cover of a spy charged with protecting us from WMDs for daring to be married to a man who dared to tell the truth, where is the unwavering “patriotism” of the Flag Wavers?

Why this single-minded rush into a disaster of a war? A war that was of such terrible and immediate importance that we couldn’t wait one more day. So important that the Truth, and the lives of the innocent, were casually sacrificed without a backwards glance…

…but once the tanks were rolling through the streets of Baghdad, an abrupt and utter reversal of that carnivorous interest. Brakes on the most formidably armored, mechanized war-machine in the history of the Universe inexplicably stomped on at whiplashing speed, grinding the conquest of a suddenly decapitated nation to a halt.

To a point of suicidal stasis that is simply irreconcilable with an Administration that was in any way interested in actually winning.

Because they weren’t.

A clean kill isn’t plunderable by Halliburton to the tune of billions while cloaked under a cloud of chaos, and a 100-day Desert Storm isn’t exploitable as a road back to the good old days of Nuclear Paranoia and the rhetoric of the Commie-symp, Lefty, Pinko Enemy Within that was always good for stampeding the hicks into the pews and the voting booth.

To these unabashed admirers and emulators of fascists like Coughlin and McCarthy, I would argue that of all the unforgivable sins committed by Bush 41, the worst and least reported was that he preside over the end of the Cold War. The Soviets were bad and evil and all the rest – no argument – but they were only useful as an external enemy to the extent they could be mined for domestic political advantage.

And for Neocons and Theocons who have spend the last half century pickling in their own bile and hyperbole, Clinton was a fucking nightmare.

That’s why Republicans in their millions recoiled in horror at the Clinton Years. As imperfect as those days were, the prospect of surpluses of cash and compassion administered humanely and responsibly by Docker and Polo-clad smart guys who obviously did not live lives of white-knuckled Fake Christian rage at everyone and everything is the very image of Republican Hell.

Those left worming around inside the corpse of the GOP don’t have policies. They don’t have principles. And they have no idea how to debate (much less defeat) their betters except to shriek at them until their eardrums burst, and the collapse of the Soviet Union robbed them of the only vocabulary they know.

No, they needed a War – a Forever War -- and an arrogant, fat-headed, Punk-Christian dry-drunk to redeem his Daddy’s shame and deliver a low-wattage Armageddon to them on the good China.

They needed Bush, and they needed him to deliberately and ruinously escalate the hunt for a Muslim Jack the Ripper named Bin Laden into World War IV.

The only way they hold onto power is in a polarized world where they can play Roy Cohn with secret prisons and a licence to torture, and force anyone who stands up for the truth into the Commie Box. It’s the only environment they comprehend and the only kind of toxic gas which they know how to breath, so they had their President remake the world into a vintage 1956 Biodome for them where the few, rotting weapons they still had would still function.

In the Battle of 2006 – the Year of “Who Lost Iraq?” -- the talking points congealing on the Right are becoming familiar:

1. Even discussing how we found ourselves stranded in the Fecal Malebole of Iraq is Off Limits.
2. Hide behind Bill Clinton and the French when possible, and (“Codpiece”? “Footstool”? “Codstool”!) Joe Lieberman when necessary.
3. Anyone who criticizes the Dear Leader is a traitor.
4. Anyone who asks any hard questions of Dear Leader’s henchmen is a traitor.
5. Anyone who persists in remembering inconvenient facts is a traitor.
6. As the gangrenous reality of the Bush Lies, Bush War, Bush Coverups, Bush post-War Clusterfuck continue the seep through the Coulter- and O’Reilly-appliquéd-bandages with the stink of failure and death, Turn Rush Up Louder!

So to understand the now-squeezed-dry-and-nearly-discarded mantra of the Neocon and Theocon when covering up their treachery and crimes – “9/11 Changed Everything” – you have to understand that the sentence is missing one, crucial word.

The proper and complete translation from the original language of Cheneyville reads:

“9/11 Changed Everything Back.”