Bye bye, 2005

I know that nobody but a damned fool would go and tamper with “American Pie”. Even a little bit.

And I know this isn’t literally what happened in 2005. Not the order in which things happened, or their relative importance.

This is just my own set of Emotional Flashcards to be tucked away for future use should I ever need a vivid reminder of how it felt -- in the belly -- to be alive right here and now. A sense of how it felt to look immediately back in on that receding, centerpunching year just past and mourn it for what it might have been.

And hey, who ever said I wasn't a damned fool anyway?

So with great respect for Don McLean's original, epic poem (and fair warning that the graphic load on this means it might run slow) here's a very lightly edited version, along with my wish for a Happy and Peaceful New Year to one and all...

A long, long time ago
I can still remember how that music

used to make me smile

And I knew if I had my chance
that I could make those people dance

and maybe they'd be happy for a while…

But February made me shiver with every paper I delivered,
bad news on the door step, I couldn't take one more step,

I can't remember if I cried when I read about his widowed bride

but something touched me deep inside, the day, the music, died. So...

Bye, bye Miss American Pie
drove my Chevy to the levy

but the levy was dry

an them good ol' boys were drinkin whiskey and rye singin

We’re just gonna let it all die
We’re just gonna let it all die.

Did you write

the book of love

And do you have faith in God above,

if the bible tells you so,

Before Hate it is that you bow so low,

'Cause it's what makes the Party grow

So can you teach me how to whore like a

real pro?

Well I know that you're in love with him

cuz I saw you dancin in the gym


I know he's got a purdy mouth
But butch it up when you work the South.

He was a lonely, whinging pundit hack

with a pink neck wrapper and a missing sac
but he knew God had laid down the smack
the day, the music, died.

He started singin...

Bye, bye Miss American Pie
drove my Chevy to the levy
but the levy was dry
an them good ol' boys were drinkin whiskey and rye singin
We’re just gonna let it all die
We’re just gonna let it all die.

Now for ten years they've been in charge

Tammy Bakker meets Madame LeFarge.

But that's not how

it used to be…

When the jester sang for the king and queen

in a coat he borrowed from James Dean

And a voice that came from

you and me,

Oh and while the king was looking down,

the jester stole his thorny crown


The courtroom was adjourned,

no verdict was returned,

and while Malkin morphed into Karl Marx,
the quartet practiced

in the park

And we sang dirges in the dark,

the day, the music, died.

Fox was singin'...

Bye, bye Miss American Pie
drove my Chevy to the levy
but the levy was dry
an them good ol' boys were drinkin whiskey and rye singin
We’re just gonna let it all die
We’re just gonna let it all die.

Helter Skelter in a summer swelter


Dear Leader hid out in his fallout shelter,

Polls none to high and fallin’ fast,
Its the land that falled on the grass

The players tried

for a forward pass

With the jester on the sideline

in a cast.

Now the half-time air

was sweet perfume

While the sergeants

played a marching tune


We all got up to dance

oh but we never got the chance

Oh as the players

tried to take the field

The marching band

refused to yield

Do you recall what was revealed,

the day, the music, died.

Bye, bye Miss American Pie
drove my Chevy to the levy
but the levy was dry
an them good ol' boys were drinkin whiskey and rye singin
We’re just gonna let it all die
We’re just gonna let it all die.

Oh and there they were all in one place,

The degenerates who stole the race

With no time left

to start again…

So come on, Jack be nimble, Jack be quick,

Jack Cash sat on a candle stick
because fire is the devils only friend,

Oh and as I watched him on the stage,

my hands were clinched in fists of rage,

No angel born in hell

could break that satan's spell

And as the planes climbed high

into the night

To light the

sacrificial right

I saw Satan laughing with delight,

the day, the music, died.

He was singin'...

Bye, bye Miss American Pie
drove my Chevy to the levy
but the levy was dry
an them good ol' boys were drinkin whiskey and rye singin
We’re just gonna let it all die
We’re just gonna let it all die.

I met a girl who sang the blues
and I asked her for some happy news

but she just smiled and turned away,

I went down to the sacred store
where I'd heard the music years before

but the man there said the music wouldn't play

And in the streets

the children screamed,

The lovers cried,


and the poets dreamed


But not a word was spoken,

The Free Press was all broken

And the three men I admire most,

the Father,


Son,


and the Holy Ghost,


they caught the last train for the coast, the day, the music, died,

and they were singin'...

Bye, bye Miss American Pie
drove my Chevy to the levy
but the levy was dry
an them good ol' boys were drinkin whiskey and rye singin

But we’re not gonna let it all die
No, we’re not gonna let it all die.